Mission Statement
March 6, 2001
Welcome to the Ann Landers Rebuttal Page. Whereas I feel compelled to give Ann Landers credit for being a pioneer in the world of syndicated advice columns, I have to say, I feel that her advice often isn't very sound. As a twentysomething New Yorker, I expect that my take on other people's problems is quite different from Ann's. At any rate, I feel that Ann's (and my own) readers can only benefit from multiple points of view, and I tend to think that Ann would agree. I'm not so sure how keen her lawyers are on the idea, though.
Although I can't make any promises, I hope to update this site frequently. The more popular it becomes, the more incentive I will have to keep it fresh for you.
It is my philosophy that advice isn't meant to be taken. It is meant merely to be heard and considered. In the end, your own mind, heart, and guts are what guides you. Listen to them, not us or anyone else.-- Cath
Stand an egg on end today! Even though it's only a MYTH!
The site that inspired me to drive out to K-mart and buy a bottle of Nair
DEAR ANN LANDERS: My husband and I have been married for 11 years. We don't have much in common anymore, and I am bored. I recently ran into an old friend. "Ethan" and I have been meeting for lunch once a week for the past month. We have a great deal in common, and I have a lot of fun with him. I am not cheating. This is strictly lunch and conversation. Nonetheless, I feel guilty. Ethan recently mentioned that he would like us to be together. While this is exciting, I don't know if it's the right thing. My husband and I still love each other, but we are not "in love" anymore. Please tell me what do. - Totally Confused in the Southwest
DEAR TOTALLY CONFUSED: You don't say whether you have any children. That would be a major consideration. Also, you say nothing about Ethan's family situation. (A sin of omission?) It sounds to me as if you have a delayed case of the classic "seven-year itch." You owe it to your husband to work on your marriage. The two of you should seek professional marriage counseling and see if you can reinvigorate your relationship.
DEAR TOTALLY CONFUSED: You're bored. You and your husband have no social life. Do something social together as a married couple. Join a bowling league. This way, you'll make, and share, some new friends. As for Ethan, don't lie to yourself. He's trying to seduce you, and it's working. And you love it. Now, you have to ask yourself, are you in it just for the entertainment value, the attention, the thrill? Or, are there really some deep-rooted problems in your marriage? I suspect it's the former, from what you've said in your letter. If you suspect Ethan's driving a rift between yourself and your husband, you ought to stop seeing him, even though you've convinced yourself that you're "just friends." (Come on, what's sexier than lunch and conversation?) Go on a date with your husband. Dine together, al fresco, at an Italian restaurant. Have pasta alfredo and a glass of wine. Then drag him to a chick flick. If hubby's open to the idea, it might be all you guys need to keep the relationship fresh.
DEAR ANN LANDERS: How many visits a year does one have to endure from the in-laws before it is too much? My in-laws are wonderful people, but they visit our home at least three times a year and stay for five days each time. They have a great relationship with my kids, and they pay for all our meals when they visit. The problem is their visits affect the dynamics of our marriage. My wife gets stressed out trying to make every visit perfect, and this causes a lot of tension between us. Her behavior also affects everyone else in the family at least a week before the upcoming visit. My mother-in-law takes over the house from the minute she arrives, telling us where to eat, when to eat and what to do. She is a kind and generous person, but likes things done her way. We take the children to see their grandparents once a year. I believe an annual visit from them is enough. I confronted my mother-in-law about the frequency of her visits, and it upset her enormously. She also pointed out that it was helpful for the children to see their grandparents more than twice a year. Am I being selfish, or do I have a legitimate beef? - Closed Door in Washington
DEAR CLOSED DOOR: Your wife's ambivalence about her mother's frequent visits is a major problem here. The visits are stressful for her, yet she is reluctant to ask her parents to cut back. Professional therapy might help her be less anxious. Is your wife less stressed when you visit the in-laws? If so, have them come to your house twice a year, and you visit them twice. If your wife is stressed either way, cut back to two visits a year by the parents plus one annual visit to their place.
DEAR CLOSED DOOR: Mom is Always Right. I think it's great that she wants to visit so often, and takes such an interest in the grandkids, and is so kind and generous. However, she's got to learn the difference between a suggestion and an order, especially considering that she's a guest in your house!!! It would ease the tension between your wife and her mom considerably, if at the start of each visit, everyone sat down around the kitchen table and had a little pow-wow over coffee, (make that decaf!) to discuss in a very diplomatic way some suggestions about where to go, what to do, and what to eat. Remember, it's your house. So operate like the UN, where your in-laws are, say, France, and you and your wife are the United States.
Ann's words are copyright 2001, Creators Syndicate, Inc. Cath's words copyright 2001, Catherine McGivney. Cath has never sought, and Ann Landers and Creators Syndicate have never granted, permission to use the Ann Landers column on this website.