Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of workand, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him"I'm still not sure why I did it," she said later. "I was really closeto the car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn'thave been for more than two seconds." However, cab driver Vegas didsee and lost control of his cab, running over the curb and into thecorner of the Johnson Medical Building. Inside, Klesick, a dentaltechnician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cabagainst the building making her jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with acleaning pick. In shock, he bit down, severing two fingers fromKlesick's hand. Moeller's wound was caused by a falling piece of themedical building.
Their cars weren't scratched.
***************************************************
"When I die, I hope I die peacefully in my sleep...
...like my grandfather.
Not screaming...
...like the passengers in his car."
An Israeli woman's fight with a stubborn cockroach put her husband in thehospital with burns, a broken pelvis and broken ribs, the Jerusalem Postnewspaper reported yesterday. The woman, frightened by the insect when shefound it in their living room, stepped on it, threw it in a toilet andsprayed a full can of insecticide on it when it refused to die. Her husbandcame home from work, went to the toilet and lit a cigarette. When he threwthe cigarette butt into the bowl, the insecticide fumes ignited, "seriouslyburning his sensitive parts," the Post wrote.
When paramedics were called to the home in Tel Aviv, they laughed so hardwhen they learned what had happened that they dropped the stretcher down thestairs, breaking the unidentified man's pelvis and ribs.
>>What is that exactly? You know when you are zooming down a two lane>>road at 70 mph, and you come up behind someone who is doing maybe 55>>mph (in a 45 mph) zone, and they slow down to 45mph seemingly just to>>piss you off and slow you down? That's a Self-Appointed Traffic>>Officer. That's me. I do that. Many of you are tormented by we>>Non-Officers regularly on Atlanta's highways and other places, so what>>causes our behavior, and how can we come to an understanding that will>>allow everyone to get along?
I appreciate this guy's need for expressing what little power orcontrol over his surroundings that he can, but if I get behind thisguy trying to get my wife to the delivery room, or if a friend of minehas nicked an artery or hurt himself and I'm trying to get to thehospital and I run up on this self appointed pain in the rump, I WILLSHOOT HIM.
Don't try to hide behind the laws of Georgia (following too close) andthen break another (slower traffic keep right). You create a moredangerous situation trying to anger someone who is already driving ina less than safe manner.
90% (or more) of the drivers in Atlanta exceed the speed limit by morethan 10 miles per hour. That, to me, is democracy in action! If theself appointed cops don't like the way that other people drive, or ifthey can't stand getting passed, then maybe they need to re-examinetheir motives. Perhaps they can't tolerate others getting in front ofthem because they have abandonment issues to deal with. :)
If person A is breaking the law by ten miles per hour, and then personA decides that his judgment is superior to all others exceeding thespeed limit, then person A is a big jerk. If person A doesn't knowwhy person B is exceeding the speed limit, then person A has nobusiness imposing his will on person B, especially when A is breakingthe same law. Person A is an antisocial jerkface. Person B is in ahurry. If the cops pull person B over, then that's person B'sproblem. If person B kills person A, that's not so much a problem asit is a solution. Social Darwinism. Try it sometime! :)
---------
On Wed, [Omitted by request] spake thusly:>I appreciate this guy's need for expressing what little power or>control over his surroundings that he can, but if I get behind this>guy trying to get my wife to the delivery room, or if a friend of mine>has nicked an artery or hurt himself and I'm trying to get to the>hospital and I run up on this self appointed pain in the rump, I WILL>SHOOT HIM.
[more stupid ranting snipped]
In Atlanta, this can be bad for you. Perhaps my all-time favoritenews item came from a I-285 encounter between two gun-totingmotorists:
One guy, driving by himself, pulls up beside the second car (fatherand 2 sons) and opens fire. He managed to wound one of the sons inthe leg. The father driving says (and this is a direct quote from thenews report) "Return fire, son." So the son in the front seat pullsa 9mm out of the glove compartment and puts three (3) bullets in theattacker. Two chest shots and one head shot. Ouch.
What's the moral here? Nothing. But remember to bring a friend whocan shoot if your suicidal driving tendencies are hiding repressedhomicidal tendencies.
[San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like aclub to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shothimself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.
1. fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and
2. later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.
You'll recall a Darwin award from not too long ago where a guy decided tostrap a cargo plane rocket booster to his car to see how fast it would go,and ended up hitting a cliff several hundred feet in the air. Here's anotherclipped from the recent Darwin awards, which people get fordoing somethingincredibly stupid. True story.Here's the winner:Larry Walters is among therelatively few who have actually turned their dreams into reality. Hisstory is true, as hard as you may find it to believe . . .Larry was a truckdriver, but his lifelong dream was to fly. When he graduated from highschool, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot.Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. So when he finally left theservice, he had to satisfy himself with watching others fly the fighterjets that crisscrossed the skies over his backyard.As he sat there in hislawn chair, he dreamed about the magic of flying. Then one day, Larry hadan idea.
He went down to the local Army-Navy surplus store and bought forty-fiveweather balloons, and several tanks of helium. Now, weather balloons arenot your typical, brightly colored party balloons, these were heavy-dutyspheres measuring more than four feet across when fully inflated.Back inhis yard, Larry used straps to attach the balloons to his lawn chair, thekind you might have in your own back yard. He anchored the chair to thebumper of his jeep, and inflated the balloons with helium. Then he packeda few sandwiches and drinks, and a loaded BB gun, figuring he could pop afew balloons when it was time to return to earth. His preparations complete,Larry sat in his chair and cut the anchoring cord. His plan was to lazilyfloat into the sky, and eventually back down to terra firma.
But things didn't quite work out that way. When Larry cut the cord, hedidn't float lazily up; he shot up as if fired from a cannon! Nor did he goup a couple hundred feet. He climbed and climbed until he finally leveledoff at eleven thousand feet! At that height, he could hardly riskdeflating any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load and reallyexperience flying. So he stayed up there, sailing around for fourteenhours, totally at a loss about how to get down.
Eventually, Larry drifted into the approach corridor for Los AngelesInternational Airport. An airline pilot radioed the tower about passing aguy in a lawn chair at eleven thousand feet, with a gun in his lap... (Nowthere's a conversation I would have given anything to have heard!) LAX isright on the ocean, and you may know that at nightfall, the winds on thecoast begin to change. So, as dusk fell, Larry began drifting out to sea.
At that point, the Navy dispatched a helicopter to rescue him, but therescue team had a hard time getting to him because the draft from theirpropeller kept pushing his home-made contraption farther and farther away.Eventually, they were able to hover above him and drop a rescue line, withwhich they gradually hauled him back to safety. As soon as Larry hit theground, he was arrested.
As he was led away in handcuffs, a television reported called out, "Sir,why'd you do it?"
Larry stopped, eyed the man, then replied nonchalantly, "A man can't justsit around!"
>>Representative Tim Moore sponsored a resolution in the Texas House of>>Representatives in Austin, Texas calling on the House to commend>>Albert de Salvo for his unselfish service to ``his country, his state>>and his community.''
>>The resolution stated that ``this compassionate gentleman's dedication>>and devotion to his work has enabled the weak and the lonely throughout>>the nation to achieve and maintain a new degree of concern for their>>future. He has been officially recognized by the state of Massachusetts>>for his noted activities and unconventional techniques involving>>population control and applied psychology.''
>>The resolution was passed unanimously.
>>Representative Moore then revealed that he had only tabled the motion to>>show how the legislature passes bills and resolutions often without>>reading them or understanding what they say.
>>Albert de Salvo was the Boston Strangler.
This is a true story according to a recent issue of Road and TrackMagazine:
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome parked on aSeattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Policearrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to amotorhome near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the manadmitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into themotorhome`s sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that itwas the best laugh he'd ever had.
Three guys decided, late one night, to rob a petrol station. Takingin baseball bats and knives they entered and demanded money from thestation clerk. But they weren't aware of a couple of ratherimportant things:
Needless to say they ended up in hospital. For a long time. (Nocharges were pressed by the petrol station owner, and the policedecided that there wasn't much point following through.)
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that therewas a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called thephone, and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in thenewspaper and wanted to buy the car.
They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
PENNSAUKEN, N.J. - A would-be-burglar allegedly left behind just theticket for police to nab their man.
It seems Jose Sanchez needed to make sure the door to Hill-Rom Corp.wouldn't fully close while he allegedly looted the place, policesaid -- so he stuck a piece of paper in the door: a traffic tickethe'd been issued the night before.
Police found the ticket Thursday -- with Sanchez's name and addresson it -- in the door at the robbery scene. He'd been issued theticket for driving with a cracked windshield.
Sanchez, 31, was arrested at his Camden home and jailed on $5,000bail. Authorities recovered some of the stolen property at a Camdentavern.
Police in Cottonwood(?), Idaho, were amused when they arrived towrite up a burglary, and the homeowner told them that the thief gothis VCR, his bong, and his stash of marijuana. Luckily, however, thethief had missed his marijuana pipe. The police ticketed the guy forpossession of drug paraphernalia.
The way police told it, Southwest Los Angeles home-invasion robberysuspect Carlos Hawthorne was trying to throw detectives off histrail.
Hawthorne, 20, was one of two men who allegedly invaded VanessaArlene Sells' home Sunday, shot her and her daughter, and fled intheir 1992 Lexus.
Police said Hawthorne called them about 7:30 p.m. Monday to reportthat he had seen three men running away from a Lexus near the 2500block of Clyde Avenue in Culver City.
Police officers from the LAPD's special-problems unit responded toHawthorne's call and spotted the Lexus. Meanwhile, Hawthorneremained on the phone with a communications operator who was able todetermine where he was calling from: a phone booth at 3560 LaCienaga Blvd., less than a mile from where the car was found.
The officers found Hawthorne at the phone booth, still talking tothe operator and with the keys to the Lexus in his hand, anddetained him. When they searched his pockets, they found a silvernecklace and a bracelet that matched the description of jewelry thathad been stolen from Sells' home. They later booked him on chargesof robbery and attempted murder.
"Not Two Good at Speling"Deseret News, January 30, 1989
Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Pasofrom Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released fromall of its valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds ofmarijuana. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled thename of the gas company on the side of the truck.
Chicago - A man robbing a dry cleaning store blew off part of onefinger with a shotgun, police said.
"This is no toy; the gun is loaded," the robber said to his victimsMonday in the Pekin Cleaners on Chicago's south side.
Police said the robber, wearing a red handkerchief over his face andcarrying a sawed-off 12-gauge shotgun, then opened the gun to showit was loaded. When he closed it, the weapon fired, taking offtwo-thirds of the little finger of his left hand. After the gunfired, he took $10 from the cash register and a portable televisionset from the counter and fled.
Police said they recovered the tip of the finger and were able toget a fingerprint. A store employee, Hattie Butler, said she did notrealize the robber had injured himself because he did not show anysigns of pain.
Oklahoma City - Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery ofa convenience store in a district court this week when he fired hislawyer.
Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing afair job of defending himself until the store manager testified thatNewton was the robber.
Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "Ishould of blown your [expletive] head off."
The defendant paused, then quickly added, "-- if I'd been the onethat was there."
The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend a 30-yearsentence.
R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showingtheir squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroitneighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers askedhim for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver'slicense, they entered it into the computer, and moments later theyarrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed that Gaitlinwas wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
I do feel sorry for the dog.
Michigan, USA.
Guy buys brand new Grand Cherokee for 30 some thousand dollars and has400+ dollar monthly payments. He immediately gets ahold of his friend andthey go do some male bonding. They go duck hunting and of course all thelakes are frozen.
These 2 Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer andof course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and getready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for theducks, something for the decoys to float on. Remember, it's all ice andin order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wanderingduck wants to fly down and land on, it is going to take a little moreeffort than an ice hole drill.
Out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with ashort, 40 second fuse.
Now these 2 Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that if theyplace the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where theyare standing (and the new Grand Cherokee), they take the risk of slippingon the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly going up insmoke with the resulting blast. So, they decide to light this 40 secondfuse and throw the dynamite which is what they end up doing.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, thebeer, the guns AND THE DOG ????
Yes, the dog. A highly trained Black Lab used for retrieving, especiallythings thrown by the owner.
You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the iceand gets the stick of dynamite with the burning 40 second fuse about thetime it hits the ice all to the woes of the 2 idiots yelling, stomping,waving arms and wondering what the hell to do now.
The dog, well it is happy and heads back from where it came from momentsbefore, with the stick of dynamite, only to the mounting woes of the 2bozo's now really waving their arms, yelling even louder and jumping tonew heights than ever before.
Now one of the guys decides to think, something that he has never donebefore this moment, grabs a shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun isloaded with #8 duck shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab on itsappointed rounds. Dog stops for a moment, slightly confused and continueson. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes reallyconfused & of course scared, thinking these 2 Nobel Prize winners havegone insane and takes off to find cover, with the now really short shortfuse burning on this stick of dynamite.
The cover the dogs finds? Underneath the brand new Grand Cherokee 30 somethousand dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle sitting on the lake ice.
BOOM !
Dog dies, and it and the brand new Grand Cherokee 30 some thousand dollar400+ monthly payment vehicle sink to the bottom of the lake leaving the 2candidates for Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing there with this"I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.
Later, the owner of the vehicle calls his insurance company which tellshim that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is notcovered. He had yet to make the first of those 400+ a month payments.
I felt pretty sorry for the dog myself.
>The NEW, undisputed Darwin Award winner for 1997
>Japan Times -- April 16, 1997
>"The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of "Pumping"," a>spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. "If this>perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood."
>He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpakhad>been rushed into the hospital's emergency room.
>"Most 'Pumpers' use a standard bicycle pump," he explained, "inserting the>nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a>momentary high. This act is a sin against God."
>Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder footpump,>but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, and he boasted to friends>that he was going to try the compressed air>hose at a nearby gasoline station. They dared him to do it so, under cover>of darkness, he snuck in.
>Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube deep into>his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot. As a result, he died virtually>instantly, but passersby are still in shock. One woman thought she was>watching a twilight fireworks display, and started clapping.
>"We still haven't located all of him." say the police authorities. "When>that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he nearly>exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something."
>"Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to Satan,">Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by all means, but then hide your>bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you."
Real or fictional, this is still funny as shit.