Haberdasher Song
by Jeff Goode & Larrance Fingerhut
copyright 1992

Frannie / MIME
Oh, I was just a humble haberdasher, till my brother, Al
He asked me for a favor, and I said, "You name it, pal.
If my haberdashing talents can help out, just let me know,
And I'll be on it like the cow horns on a valkyrie's chapeau.
Well, he showed me, then, a feature in a fashion magazine

(Mime produces a magazine with an article about the Tarnhat in it.)
About a hat made out of gold and he said, "Make me one of these."
Well, I looked at brother Al, and I said, "Listen to me, Bro'
This hat is made of gold, and that's expensive, don't ya know."
But then he said, "Sweat it not, my Meem, because I got the cash.
Y'see, I swiped it from an underwater Rheingold stash!"
I told him, "Crime, it doesn't pay, and it's a sin, as well."
But he said, "Brother, make the hat, so I can look good in hell."
(Mime takes out the Tarnhat as she sings the refrain:)
This hat (that hat) ain't nothin' but trouble.
This hat (that hat) is gonna do you wrong.
This hat (that hat) 's gonna ruin your reputation.
I think we can surmise it's gonna lead to the demise
of every man or god or Nibelung to whom it shall belong.
I said "Find a new accomplice, I don't want to be involved!"
He said "I have something here, I think will weaken your resolve."
Then he reached into his pocket and took out a golden Ring.
I said, "If you think you can bribe me... well, then, that's another thing."
But it was not generosity, he slipped it on his hand,
And by magic I was forced to do his horrible demands!
Oh, yes, he made me do the dishes and to scrub the kitchen floor,
And he made me fold his underwear and, oh, and one thing more:
He made me build the Tarnhat - that is what the thing was called.
And his wish was my command, but deep inside I was appalled.
For the power of the Tarnhat and the Ring are very great.
But don't imagine that will save him from his terrible fate.
This hat (that hat) ain't nothin' but trouble.
This hat (that hat) is gonna do you wrong.
This hat (that hat) 's gonna ruin your reputation.
I think we can surmise it's gonna lead to the demise
of every man or god or Nibelung to whom it shall belong.
(Instrumental section)
Do the Tarnhelm!
(They do a Tarnhelm dance during the instrumental section.)
This hat (that hat) No, it ain't nothin' but trouble.
This hat (that hat) It's gonna do ya, do ya wrong.
This hat (that hat) It's gonna ruin your reputation.
I think we can surmise it's gonna lead to the demise
of every man or god or Nibelung

Manny / ALBERICH
(or cat or dog or Romulan)

Frannie & Manny / MIME & ALBERICH
Of every god or Nibelung
to whom it shall belong!!!

Manny / ALBERICH
Give me the hat.

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