Siegfried Duet
by Jeff Goode & Larrance Fingerhut
copyright 1992

Manny / SIEGFRIED
(aside:) Here I come, Siegfried to murder the dragon!

Gwen / SIEGFRIED
(aside:) Here I come, Siegfried to visit the dragon!

Manny / SIEGFRIED
What do you mean, "visit"?

Gwen / SIEGFRIED
What has that dragon ever done to you?

Manny / SIEGFRIED
Nothing.

Gwen / SIEGFRIED
(to Siegfried:) Siegfried, I won't let you murder the dragon!

Manny / SIEGFRIED
(to Siegfried:) Siegfried, I won't let you borrow the sugar!

Manny / SIEGFRIED
(aside:) Here I come, Siegfried to murder the dragon!

(overlapping:)
Gwen / SIEGFRIED
(aside:) Here I come, Siegfried to visit thedragon!

Manny / SIEGFRIED
The dragon must die,
Here Siegfried come I!

Gwen / SIEGFRIED
The dragon must live,
Me sugar to give!

Draco
(entering:)
What's going on here?

Frannie
You can't stop them, they're in the middle of a song.

Manny / SIEGFRIED
Here I come:
Siegfried!
Dragonslayer!
Ubermensch!

(overlapping:)
Gwen / SIEGFRIED
Here I come:
Siegfried!
Pure of heart!
Innocent!

Manny / SIEGFRIED
Siegfried the Brave
and the Bold
and Heroic

(overlapping:)
Gwen / SIEGFRIED
Siegfried the Just
and the Brave
and Heroic

Manny / SIEGFRIED
(describing Gwen:)
Siegfried the Dull
and the Drab
and the Stoic!

(overlapping:)
Gwen / SIEGFRIED
(describing Manny:)
Siegfried the Ape
from the late
Mesozoic!

Manny / SIEGFRIED
Ha! You don't even know your geological epochs! The Mesozoic was the age of thedinosaurs!

Gwen / SIEGFRIED
Siegfried's not supposed to know his geological epochs! How do youknow what the Mesozoic is, college boy?

Manny / SIEGFRIED
Wha-- I guessed.

Gwen / SIEGFRIED
Ha!

Manny / SIEGFRIED
I'm just as stupid as you are!

Gwen / SIEGFRIED
Prove it.

(They resume:)

Manny / SIEGFRIED
Here I come, Siegfried
to murder the dragon.
I don't know why,
but the dragon must die.
What kind of Germanic
Messiah Superhero slash Christ-figure
would I be if I didn't
kick some dragon butt
once in awhile, I mean,
that's what you come to the
theatre for, right?
To see mythic representations
of all your greatests fears and doubts
hacked to pieces in front of you
so you can have a catharsis
and go home happy and a little drunk?

(overlapping:)
Gwen / SIEGFRIED
What kind of example
is this for the kids?
How are they going to
learn right and wrong,
if Siegfried, their hero,
doesn't make ethical moral choices?
I'm not saying
I wouldn't kill a dragon if I had to.
If it was him or me,
Life or death,
Good versus Evil,
And I was on the side of good.
But let's have some character development first,
And clearcut motivations.
Otherwise it's just gratuitous
violence and sensationalism.

Manny & Gwen / SIEGFRIED & SIEGFRIED
But I digress!

Manny / SIEGFRIED
(starting again with gusto:)
Here I come, Siegfried
to murder the dragon.
I don't know why,
but the dragon must die.
Next on my list
is to rescue Brunnhilde.
Why? Don't ask me,
But my bride she will be.

(overlapping:)
Gwen / SIEGFRIED
(starting again with gusto:)
Siegfried I am, and
I won't slay the dragon.
...Unless he offends me.
Never, I say,
will I marry Brunnhilde.
...Unless I feel like it.

Manny & Gwen / SIEGFRIED & SIEGFRIED
Here I am, Siegfried.
(to each other:)
You're not Siegfried.

Manny / SIEGFRIED
Go away, Siegfried.
You're no Siegfried.
I'm the only Siegfried.
Get a life, Siegfried.

(overlapping:)
Gwen / SIEGFRIED
Siegfried, begone.
Siegfried am I.
Siegfried you ain't.
Siegfried, goodbye.
(By now, they are pulling each other's hair and trying to kill each other, or hurl one other off the stage. The ending is chaotic:)

Manny / SIEGFRIED
You couldn't Siegfried your way out of a paper bag---!

(overlapping:)
Gwen / SIEGFRIED
If Siegfried was dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose---!

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