DISCLAIMER: Oh bugger. I gotta come up with a disclaimer now, don't I? Why? I mean, I'm sure by now you've all figured out that only Elaine and her family belong to me. And I can't even claim any of her family that's currently alive, because they, and any other Forever Knight character I should happen to refer to in the epilogue, belong to James Parriott and them people. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. Richie and Co have the misfortune to belong to Panzer/Davis, not that they deserve them. Which leaves Aria and the Andravens, who belong to Kat. Is that everyone? Good. Now go read the story.

Revenge is Sweeter the Second Time Around

Joe Dawson's face slowly began to lose its color as he listened to the voice on the other end of the phone. "Oh no, Maggie, that's fine," he said, trying to hide his growing sense of panic. "No hurry, bring 'em by whenever." He listened again. "Okay, then, I'll expect you sometime tonight. See ya later." He hung up the phone and swallowed hard.

Duncan MacLeod had been sitting at the bar, watching the entire exchange. "What's the matter, Joe?" he asked, concerned.

The Watcher looked like he was about to pass out. "That was Maggie Sullivan," Joe answered. "Seems Aria's back in town."

Duncan's handsome face quickly matched the Watcher's look of extreme panic. "Oh shit."

Methos, the oldest of the Immortals, turned to his friends. "So Ari's back in town, big deal."

"Elaine got here two days ago," Joe explained.

"Ah," Methos replied in understanding.

"We have got to warn Richie," Duncan said.

Joe picked up the phone and dialed the young Immortal's number. "C'mon, Richie, pick up the damn phone," he muttered as he listened to it ring.

"Hello, you've reached the residence of Richie Ryan. I'm not here right now. Well, actually I'm here now or I wouldn't be making this message. But if you're hearing it, then I'm not here. I think. Don't you just hate the existential dilemma these machines make? Anyway, leave a message at the beep and I'll call you back as soon as I figure out exactly where I am."

"Damn, I got the machine." BEEP "Ah, hi Richie, it's Joe. Um, give me a call at the bar the minute you get in, okay? It's nothing serious, just some information I thought you might want. And trust me, you'll find this quite interesting. Call me soon, okay?" Joe hung up the phone.

"Oh, smooth," Methos said. "Elaine won't suspect a thing when she hears that."

Joe shot him a dirty look. "Just drink your beer."

"You two do realize that when Aria finds out you've been helping Richie see another woman behind her back, she's going to feed you your own dicks, right?" Methos asked.

"Hey, you're in this just as deep as we are," Duncan replied.

Methos shook his head. "That's where you're wrong, my hairy Scottish friend," he said. "For you see, I have the plea of ignorance on my side. I've only met Elaine once and at the time, I thought Richie and Aria were through. And I just kept Elaine a secret because I didn't want to hurt Ari anymore than she was back then. If Ari had asked me about Elaine, I would have told her the truth. You two are the ones who have been actively going out of your ways to keep them a secret from each other."

"Is it my fault that I was hoping Richie would dump Elaine after he got together with Aria?" Duncan shot back. "Joe's the one that's been keeping tabs on the both of them so Richie knows which one's in town."

"Only because you've been paying me to, Highlander," Joe snapped. He was going to say more, but Duncan and Methos suddenly got that faraway look in their eyes that meant another of their kind was approaching. And by the panicked squeak that emitted from the Highlander's lips, the mortal could tell that it must have been Aria and Richie.

Sure enough, the door to the bar opened and in walked the happy couple, hand in hand. Duncan and Joe struggled to pull themselves together as they waved to their friends.

"Ari, what a pleasant surprise," Duncan said. "I didn't think you were coming back for another week."

Aria smiled as she claimed the barstool next to him. "I wasn't supposed to, but m'business went faster than expected, so I decided to come back early and surprise Richie."

Richie sat down next to his Immortal girlfriend. "And she surprised me all right."

"He's such a kidder," Aria laughed.

Joe got out a couple of beers and placed them in front of the newcomers.

"Joe, love, ya read m'mind," Aria teased. She saluted the other with the bottle and then downed about half of it in one swallow.

The group of friends chatted for awhile, playing catch-up. Aria nursed her beer through the conversation, but finally ended up finishing.

"I swear," she sighed, "I will never figure out why the first beer always makes me pee like a bleedin' rain cloud durin' a thunderstorm." She gave Richie a quick kiss. "Be right back, love."

Richie watched her head into the ladies' room and waited for the door to close. Then he reached out, grabbed the Watcher by his shirt, and pulled him down so they were nose to nose. "Why didn't you warn me?!"

"Richie, I just found out myself a couple of minutes ago," Joe answered. "I left a message on your machine right before you came in. You can call and check it for yourself if you want."

Richie shoved Joe back. "You guys have got to help me get rid of her!" he snapped.

"Why us?" Duncan asked.

Richie turned on him, his eyes narrowing in anger. "You two helped get me into this, MacLeod," he said. "And by damn, you're helping me get out of it if I have to take your head as an excuse."

"All right, all right, we'll help," Joe replied. "But what are we going to do?"

Just then, the front door opened. Joe quickly grabbed Aria's empty bottle and set it behind the counter.

Elaine entered, dressed to kill as usual. She greeted Joe with a kiss on the cheek, Mac with an icy "Duncan", then noticed Methos.

"Yah look familiah," she told him. "Have weh met?"

"We ... met in Paris last year," he answered. That had been an interesting experience. Joe had called him up with a possible lead on Duncan and casually ended with "And, by the way, don't take Aria with you." Good thing, too. Elaine had almost torn his throat out when he had walked into the club. If he had had Aria with him, the two probably would have killed each other.

"Oh, yeah, the time when kilt-boy wen' bonkahs," she remembered. "Methos, right? Yah the ten thousand yeah ol' geezah with the hots fah Duncan."

MacLeod choked on his beer.

"Oh, don' tell meh yah didn' know, MacLeod. Yah cn see it ev'ry time he looks at yah." She paused, tilting her head. "Cahse, this is yah weh'ah talkin' abou' sah maybeh yah don' know. But yah cn ask him."

"Oh no. I'm staying out of this. And I'm only five thousand. I think," Methos corrected her.

"Whatevah." Elaine shrugged, then settled cozily on Richie's lap. "Yah wah gone befoah Ah got up this ev'nin'," she accused him. "Ah was hopin' fah breakfas' in bed."

She slowly kissed him, taking long enough for the other occupants of the room to start feeling embarrassed.

Joe loudly set a wine glass full of crimson liquid down in front of her, effectively breaking up the embrace.

Elaine sighed, picked up the glass and took a sip. Behind her, Richie's eyes pleaded for the others to help.

Joe took the hint. "Richie's here because I called him, Elaine. There was some information I thought he ought to know."

"Nothin' bad, Ah hope, like an Immahtal aftah Richay's head. It's not yah, is it?" she asked Methos.

"N-no. I gave that up for Lent."

"That's good. Because if anyone evah came aftah mah Richay, Ah'd rip theah fuckin' head off." Elaine's voice lost its bantering tone and took on a serious air that left no doubt in anyone's mind that she meant every word of it.

"What'd'ya mean 'my Richie'?" Aria had come out of the bathroom just in time to hear Elaine's last statement. "Who's the tramp and what's she doin' in your lap?" she asked, eyes narrowing in anger.

Elaine wasn't very far behind in asking questions. She grabbed Richie's shirt. "Who is that creatah an' why does she smell like yah? An' why do yah smell like hah?" Her eyes turned a shade of red. "Yah BASTAHD! No wondah yah lef' this ev'nin'. Yah didn' wan' meh tah find out yah sleepin' with someone else."

She stood up and shoved Richie. Richie fell off the stool and hit his head on the floor, knocking himself unconscious.

"Oops," was Elaine's only comment.

Aria walked up next to Elaine, a look of concern on her face. "Richie? You okay?"

Elaine smirked. "Yah obviouslay don' know much abou' Richay if yah think that li'le love-tap's gonnah haht him. Give him a few minutes, he'll beh fine."

Sure enough, a few minutes later, Richie jerked awake.

Elaine turned to aria with a gloating "See?" expression on her face.

Aria stuck her tongue out at Elaine.

Both women reached out and took one of Richie's arms, helping him to his feet. They stopped when they each realized the other was doing the same thing, leaving Richie hanging in mid-air.

"An' jus' what do yah think yah doin', deah?" Elaine coldly asked Aria.

"What does it look like? Helpin' Richie to his feet," Aria answered.

"Richay doesn' _need_ yah help," the blonde objected

"An' I suppose ya can do better?"

"Weh wah doin' jus' fine until yah came alon'."

"That why he's on the floor now?" Aria smirked.

Unfortunately, Richie decided just then to interrupt. Unfortunately for Richie, that is. "'Laine? Ari? Maybe this isn't the best time --"

"SHUT UP!" Elaine and Aria interrupted, dropping him.

Richie fell back, knocking himself out again.

"Now why'd ya hafta go an' do that for?" Aria asked.

"Meh? Yah dropped him fahst," Elaine said.

"Did not."

"Did tah."

"Did not."

"Did tah."

"Did not."

"Did tah."

"Did not."

"Did tah."

"Did not."

"Did tah."

"Did not."

"Did tah."

"Did not."

"Did tah."

"Did not."

"Did tah."

"This is gettin' rediculous," Aria said, tired of repeating herself.

"Ah absolutely agree," Elaine said, to Aria's surprise.

"What're we gonna do about it?" the warrior asked.

"Jus' this." Elaine suddenly shoved Aria, knocking her into a table.

Aria responded by drawing her sword.

Elaine's eyes narrowed. "Be'ah put that thin' away, deah. Oh yah might get haht."

"The only one around here who's gonna get hurt is you," Aria shot back.

The two women moved to the center of the room and began circling around each other.

Duncan, Joe and Methos decided now would be a good time to get out of the way. Methos and Joe made it. Duncan wasn't so lucky.

Elaine suddenly appeared at his elbow, pushing him back in his seat. "Oh no, yah don', MacLeod," she hissed at him. "Yah knew Ah was still seein' Richay. Sah Ah wan' tah make sure yah have a rin' side seat fah this."

Standing next to Duncan put Elaine within reach of Aria's sword and she swung. Elaine waited until the last second, then disappeared, leaving the Scot to catch the blade with his ribcage.

"See what ya made me do, ya bitch?" Aria put her foot on MacLeod's chest and yanked her sword free. "Where'd ya go, anyway?" She moved around the bar, searching for Elaine.

It wasn't until Aria got near Joe and Methos that Elaine made her whereabouts known. "Right heah," her voice came from the rafters.

Aria turned just in time to see Elaine's hand flash and ducked. A knife landed next to Methos' head. Aria pulled it out of the wall. "Thanks for the gift. Now why don't ya come down here so we can settle this?"

"Mah pleasah." Elaine jumped, landing next to Aria. "How's this?"

Before Aria had a chance to do anything, Elaine picked her up and tossed her across the room.

Aria landed on Joe's guitar, smashing it to pieces. Elaine walked over and checked her pulse.

"Well, Ah guess that solves that li'le prahblem, doesn' it?" She wiped her hands on her skirt and returned to the bar. "Sahrah abou' yah guitah, Joe." The tone in her voice implied that she was anything but sorry.

The blonde raised her glass in a silent toast and emptied it. Then she spat out its contents as the end of Aria's sword burst through her chest. Duncan was soaked.

"Throw me across the room, will ya?"

Elaine fell to the floor, sliding off the blade. Then she slowly pulled herself back up to the counter, eyes blazing red.

"What the --" asked Aria.

"Yah know, Ah reallay hate bein' stabbed in the back," Elaine commented, turning towards the swordswoman. "It ruins mah clothes an' it reallay pisses meh off!"

As soon as she reached the word 'off,' Elaine threw herself at Aria. The two went flying back, landing on one of the tables. The table collapsed under them.

The two women struggled for control, first one on top, then the other. It was a surprisingly even match. Elaine had the speed and strength, but Aria was a trained warrior and had the skills. Finally, Elaine succeeded in slamming Aria's sword hand to the ground. The blade went shooting across the room.

Aria threw Elaine off her, then ran after it. She grabbed the weapon and turned just as Elaine caught up with her.

Aria's blade flashed, almost too fast to see, slicing through Elaine's right arm. It flew through he air, headed straight for Duncan.

MacLeod had seen many sights in his life. He'd been in many battles and seen much blood-shed. He'd killed men and held others while they died. But he'd never had a severed limb drop in his lap like that. Especially one that was still moving. He turned a shade of green.

"Aw, hell!" cried Elaine, watching where her arm went. She turned back to Aria. "Sahrah tah do this, deah, in the middle of such a fun dance, but --" She slugged Aria, knocking her out.

Elaine walked over to Duncan and tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse meh, but Ah'd like mah ahm back, if yah don' mind."

Duncan looked at her and immediately wished he hadn't. The left-over stump wasn't healing like an Immortal's would, of course, but it wasn't gushing blood, either. It was just ... there. Muscle, blood vessels, bone, all revealed in splendid detail, like something out of an anatomy book. Only this was no textbook. A fresh wave of nausea hit Duncan as he handed over the arm.

"Thanks." Elaine stuck the arm back together and wiggled her fingers. "Ah had a friend once, who los' both his ahms in an acciden'. Couldn' figah out why thin's wahn' wahkin' right. Tahns out, he got them on backwahds. Weh ended up havin' tah cut them off again an' staht ovah."

"Why, Duncan, yah don' look sah good. Ah yah all right?" Elaine had finally gotten a look at his face. "When Ah wasn' feelin' good, back when Ah was mahtal, Ah found the bes' thin' tah do was eat spaghe'i. Jus' somethin' abou' all that sauce 'n' pasta fixed thin's right up."

The image hit Duncan like a ton of bricks. -- sauce, red as blood, dripping off entrail-like pasta. Normally, he liked spaghetti, but today, the idea just made things worse.

"Oh if that didn' wahk," Elaine merrily continued, seemingly totally unaware of how she was affecting MacLeod. "Ah'd go fah seafood. "Would yah believe Ah cn still remembah the oystah shuckin' pahtay weh had when Ah tahned thahtay. Cahse, Reese made meh eat a couple dozen of them aftahwahds. Not that Ah needed them. By that time, all yah had tah do was show meh a li'le blood an' Ah'd get ho--"

That finally did it. Duncan pushed past Elaine and ran into the bathroom.

Elaine turned to Joe and Methos, the picture of innocence. "Was it somethin' Ah said?"

The two men just stared at her, trying to figure of if she really meant what she said.

The blonde shrugged. "Oh well, back tah the pahtay." She walked over to where Aria was lying on the floor and nudged her with a foot. "Hey. Yah awake?"

Aria grabbed the foot and yanked. Elaine fell flat on her ass, hitting her head on a chair in the process, and stayed there.

Aria scrambled out of the way, wondering what the other woman was up to.

Richie, who had woken some time ago and had been watching the fight, became rather worried. So far his two loves hadn't really hurt each other, nothing permanent anyway, but Elaine wasn't moving.

"Ooh, did the poor baby hit her widdle head?" Aria smirked.

"Aria, please." Richie got up off the floor and went over to the still silent vampire. "Elaine? Are you all right?" He gently shook a shoulder.

Elaine slowly opened her eyes. "Richay? Somethin' hahts."

Richie turned her over and carefully searched for the problem.

"Elaine, you have a splinter in your neck," he said.

"At least it's not mah lef' shouldah this time. Nothin' like a li'le varietay," she joked weakly.

Richie plucked the wood out. The change was instant.

"Thanks, love," the blonde said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Now, wheah'd she disappeah tah?"

Elaine's eyes scanned the room for Aria. Finding her, she sprang -- only to be caught by Richie.

"Le' meh at hah!"

"No!" Richie had finally decided enough was enough. "I want you and Aria to stop fighting now!"

Nice try. However, neither woman was quite willing to do so.

"That thief still has mah knife," Elaine growled.

"You want your knife back? I'll give ya your knife back." Aria threw the blade.

Unfortunately, she wasn't quite as used to the balance as Elaine. The knife hit Richie square in the chest.

"Yah BITCH!" Elaine grabbed the nearest object, which was the remnants of the chair, and returned the volley.

Aria dove behind the bar and started hurtling bottles.

Several minutes later, Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod stepped out of the bathroom, stomach now empty. And promptly ducked a flying lamp. Taking stock of the situation, he fell to his knees and crawled over to where Joe and Methos were hiding behind a table in the corner.

"What's happening?" he asked.

"They're throwing things," Methos answered.

"Thanks." That much was obvious. The glass fragments around Elaine's feet testified to what Aria, still behind the bar, was throwing. Elaine herself preferred larger objects. Such as tables, chairs, light fixtures....

"Has anyone tried getting Richie out of there?" The young Immortal was still lying by Elaine's feet. To her credit, the floor around him was the only spot not covered in shards.

"I ... tried," Methos answered. "See the mirror?"

Duncan had been wondering why Methos' hair and clothes were shimmering.

"She threw you?"

Methos nodded. "That is one pissed-off vampire."

"How's Joe taking it?" Duncan asked.

"Ask him yourself," Methos told him.

Duncan glanced up to where Joe was standing. The expression on the Watcher's face was one of disbelief and his mouth kept opening and closing. Mac could vaguely make out the words 'my bar' being silently repeated.

Deciding discretion was the better part of valor for once, the Scot waited quietly beside the other two for the fighting to end.

It didn't take long. There was a lot more glassware than furniture and soon Elaine was forced to go scrounging for something else to toss.

Aria waited until Elaine's back was turned, then pounced. Elaine barely managed to turn to face Aria before she landed and the two went down.

Something was wrong, Methos knew it. For one thing, Elaine had accepted Aria's death way too easily. The one time they had met, she had told him that she could _always_ recognize an Immortal. So for her to not know about Aria was unthinkable.

Aria's reactions were off, too. MacLeod had been in the john at the time and so hadn't see it, and Joe didn't know Aria well enough, but Methos would have sworn he had seen a concerned look flash over Aria's face when Elaine had gotten hurt on the chair.

And Aria and Elaine were doing a lot more damage to the bar than they were to each other.

He looked over at Richie. That cinched it. Neither Joe nor Duncan could see him, but Methos had a perfect view.

Not only was Richie not upset by what was going on, but from the look on his face, he was having a hard time not laughing. Something was definitely up.

Methos crawled behind the bar, found a bucket and filled it with cold water. It really should have been filled with something more obnoxious, like, say, the contents of a chamber pot, but he wanted to stop the fight, not start a new one.

He was taking his life into his own hands as it was. Neither Elaine nor Aria was going to take his interference kindly.

Bucket filled, Methos walked over to where the two women were struggling and threw its contents on them. The fight broke up immediately.

"What the bloody hell d'ya do that for?" demanded Aria. Then she decked him, breaking his jaw.

"Fahget it, Ari. The jig's up," Elaine said, suddenly calm. "He's figahed out the fight was fake."

"Fake?" Dawson asked.

"Fake?" MacLeod echoed.

"Fake," Methos stated.

"Yes, fake," Aria acknowledged, walking menacingly over to Duncan. "Somethin' wrong with that?"

"Why?" Joe asked, still a little on the naif side despite hanging out with vampires and Immortals.

"Oh, Ah don' know, Joe," Elaine said in that sugar-coated voice that only Southern Belles can do as she copied Aria's movements towards where the Watcher was still hiding in the corner. "Maybe it has somethin' tah do with not tellin' meh Richay has anothah gahlfriend."

"Oh shit." No one was quite sure who said it, but the sentiment was clearly echoed throughout the room.

"You bloody son of a bitch," Aria hissed.

Duncan knew he was in deep shit now. The last time he had heard Aria call somebody a son of a bitch they'd had to skip the funeral because there hadn't been enough of the guy left to bury. "I'm really sorry, little sister," he said.

"Not bloody good enough," Aria spat. "You told Richie to lie to me." She moved closer to Duncan. "You told Richie to lie to me." Duncan tried to back up but she closed the gap between them in no time. "YOU TOLD RICHIE TO LIE TO ME!" She grabbed the Scot by his jacket, pulling him out from behind the table, and dragged him across the room, finally slamming him down on the bar. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't take your damn fool Scottish head right here and now, Highlander."

Duncan swallowed hard. For the first time in the three hundred and fifty two year friendship, he was on the receiving end of her incredible temper. And the fire in her eyes was enough to make him want to empty the contents of his stomach in a completely different manner than his earlier trip to the can. "The Quickening would destroy Joe's bar?"

"And that is supposed to deter me?" Aria growled.

Oops. "Um, it would really piss off Methos?"

"Think again," Methos said.

"Don't help me, Methos," Duncan replied.

Aria grabbed the Highlander's hair and slammed his head into the bar. "Now how about ya tell me the truth, ya damn Scot."

"I swear I thought I was doing the right thing, Ari," Duncan cried. "I don't trust Elaine and I knew you'd be good for Richie. How was I supposed to know he'd end up pulling this dumb stunt and seeing both of you?!"

Aria slammed his head into the bar again. "Don't go blamin' this on him now, ya daft git," she said. "You told him to lie to me when you know how I feel about lying and you helped him cover this up. And if you ever pull another bloody stunt like this again, I'll rip your dick off, shove it down your throat, stuff your head up your ass, tie the rest of you into a knot, and Fed Ex your corpse to the first tribe of cannibals I can find." Then she heaved him up and tossed him clear across the room.

Duncan staggered to his feet. "Ari, please. You have to believe me," he begged.

"Go to hell, Highlander," Aria replied.

For some reason, the Scot found himself looking at Elaine. The two had never gotten along, she didn't approve of the way he treated Richie and he found her too full of inconsistencies and contradictions to ever really like her. But the two of them had managed to come up with somewhat of a truce between them. And even she admitted how important he was to Richie. Maybe she could....

"Don' look at meh, Duncan," the blonde purred. "Ah'm thoroughlay enjoyin' this. Yah should beh glad Aria convinced meh tah let hah handle yah. Ah reallay do know a tribe of cannibals an' if Ah had mah way, yah head would now beh on a trip tah South America tah beh shrunk by them."

So much for that idea. Maybe he should try Richie instead. Richie had stuck by him even through the incident with Garrick and the Dark Quickening.

"An' don' even think abou' askin' Richay," she continued. "He won' help yah. Will yah, deah?"

"No way," Richie answered. "I already learned my lesson."

"Isn' he sweet? An' speakin' of lesson...." The vampire reached over and grabbed Joe by the throat, dragging him down to her level. "How the hell could yah do this tah meh, Joe?" she snarled at him, eyes blazing and fangs bared. "Ah cn undahstand abou' Haggis-Breath, but yah? Yah wah the fahs' mahtal Ah evah trusted. Do yah have any idea what that means? Ah spaahed yah once bofoah when Ah should have killed yah because fah some reason that escapes meh now, Ah decided Ah liked yah. That made yah life mine then an' it makes yah life mine now. The onlay reason Ah'm le'in' yah off this time is because Ah need yah tah keep meh out of those damn Watchah files of yahs. Theah will not beh a thahd time. Don' yah evah fuck with meh again." Elaine released Joe so abruptly he had to grab the walls to keep from falling over.

The only ones not shocked by the harshness of Elaine's words were Richie and Methos.

Richie was well aware of how possessive Elaine thought about what she considered "hers," even when said "possessions" were named Richie, Joe and, by now, Aria. He also knew how she would react to any attempt at betrayal.

It'd taken Richie a while, but he had finally reached the conclusion that when Elaine referred to someone as "hers," it usually didn't mean she thought she owned them. It was just her way of saying she cared for that person. She was getting better at it, but she still had a few problems expressing herself at times. Plus, Richie had a feeling that when most vampires said they owned someone, they meant exactly that. Elaine sometimes had to walk a thin line between her two worlds and this way she didn't have to worry about staying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Still, he didn't want to be the one to explain it to Aria.

As for Methos, even the brief amount of time he and Elaine had spent together had been enough to reveal how alike they were. So nothing she did would ever surprise him. He was probably the only one here who knew exactly how much of a bitch she could be.

"Now that the cussin' an' discussin's done, cn weh get on with the makin' up?" Elaine continued, ignoring the way everyone was staring at her. "Ah'd like tah finish this befoah Ah'm stuck heah fah the day."

Aria went and retrieved her sword. "I don't know about the rest of you all, but I could use a drink," she said as she sheathed her blade. "I think I left some beer back there."

MacLeod and Methos shrugged and headed back to the bar.

Aria and Elaine went over to Richie and helped him to his feet, a lot more friendly this time.

Joe hesitated. He wasn't sure coming out was such a good idea.

"Don' beh sillay, Joe. A'cahse it's safe," Elaine told him. "If Ah was reallay plannin' on killin' yah, yah'd beh dead by now. Ah yah gonnah come out 'n' beh a decen' host oh am Ah gonnah have tah go get yah?"

Joe left his corner and moved to his usual place behind the bar. Sure enough, there were still several bottles left.

Richie, Aria and Elaine followed, settling into positions similar to the ones they had occupied before the fight. Richie and Aria each took up a stool and Elaine climbed back onto a lap -- only this time the lap was Aria's, not Richie's.

Duncan raised an eyebrow. "You two sure seem to have gotten awfully close," he said.

Aria shrugged. "Sharin' blood will do that to ya," she replied.

The Scot paled. "You mean...."

"What's the ma'ah, Duncan?" Elaine asked. "Nevah seen two women in lust befoah?"

Duncan started smacking his head on the bar.

"I think I hit his head a little too hard," Aria said, concerned. "I think I may have damaged something."

"How cn yah tell?" Elaine snorted.

"Let me get this straight, Ryan," Methos said. "You're now doing both of them?"

"More or less, yeah," Richie blushed.

Methos grinned. "There may be hope for you yet, kid."

Elaine looked him directly in the eyes. "Caah tah join us sometime?"

"Elaine!" Richie, Aria and Duncan protested.

"Oh, don' get yah knickahs in a twist. Methos knows Ah'm jokin'," the blonde assured them. "He's still holdin' out fah Duncan."

"I really wish you would stop saying that," Methos murmured.

"Do yah deny it?" she returned.

Methos didn't answer. Instead, a red flush slowly spread across his cheeks.

He wasn't the only one blushing, though Elaine was the only one who could tell.

"Honestlay, MacLeod, Ah don' know why yah sah shocked. Yah a verrah attractive man, even Ah'll admit tah that. Though yah could use a haahcut. But that's ju' meh. Ah happen tah prefah shaht haah on men, that's all." Elaine paused to rub Richie's buzz cut.

"Yah know, yah reallay ought tah think abou' le'in' Methos have yah, at least once," she suggested. "Yah might even find yah like it. Life's too shaht not tah enjoy one's self. Even ah lifes."

Joe finished getting the drinks and set them in front of everybody.

"Yah might wan' tah set two oh three moah bo'les out, Joe," Elaine suggested. "Ah'm gonnah beh doin' a lot of healin' tonight an' healin' tends tah make meh Hungray," she explained, absentmindedly rubbing the back of her neck.

Aria noticed and pushed Elaine's hair back. "Elaine, your neck's all red and it's peeling."

The blonde shrugged. "Ah got a splintah. Haht like hell, too. But it wasn' fa'al in' Richay got it out. Sah fahget abou' it."

Aria paled, guilt clean in her hazel eyes. "Oh 'Laine, I am so sorry," she said. "I never would have thrown ya into that chair if I'd known. I never meant to really hurt ya. I swear I didn't mean it."

"Ari, Ah tol' yah tah fahget it," Elaine replied, shrugging it off. "It's no big deal."

But Aria still felt bad. "But I just feel so bloody terrible," she said. "I ... I never thought wood in general could hurt ya, I'm still kinda new to this vampire thing, after all. And I just feel like the biggest bloody bitch in the universe. I wouldn't blame ya if'n ya tossed m'ass around this room for real. I can't believe I'm such a friggin' ass. I am so, so sorry, 'Laine." She kept running off at the mouth, apologizing profusely.

Elaine tried very patiently to wait for Aria to shut up.

Patience had never been one of Elaine's strong points. After a few minutes, she couldn't take it anymore. Rolling her eyes, she looked at Richie, Duncan and Methos.

"Is she always this annoyin' when she's apologizin'?" she asked them.

"Usually," the three male Immortals replied.

Elaine covered Aria's mouth with her hand, cutting the brunette off mid-speech. "Tell yah what, Shalla. Why don' yah jus' make it up tah meh la'ah?"

"What did you just call me?" Aria asked.

"Shalla," Elaine repeated. "Ah hope yah don' mind."

Aria's eyes grew very wide and she said something Joe didn't understand.

Elaine answered in the same language and soon the two were babbling their heads off.

Joe was totally lost. "What's happening?" he asked the other men.

"It's Andraven," Duncan explained. "Richie, when did Elaine learn Andraven?"

"Beats me," Richie answered. "This is the first I've heard her speak it."

"She probably learned it in bed," Methos offered. "Vampires do that, you know."

"And when did you become an expert on vampires?" Joe asked.

Methos flashed them that inscrutable smile of his. "Live and learn, me-ladoes."

Elaine's voice prevented any further question.

"Aria, stop that!" she cried out, half laughing. "Not mah neck!"

The warrior woman, having finally found someone she could speak fluent Andraven with, had taken to planting kisses on as much of the other woman as possible. Given Elaine's usual manner of dress, that was a lot of possible.

Elaine's words brought the display to a crashing halt.

"I'm not hurtin' ya, am I?" Aria asked, worried all over again.

"No, Ah'm jus' a li'le ... sensitive theah, that's all," Elaine assured her.

"Really?" Aria's eyes glinted wickedly as she very gently touched Elaine's neck. The touch soon turned into a stroke as Elaine leaned into Aria's hand.

"Yes, reallay." Elaine's eyes turned a passionate shade of gold before she managed to push Aria away with one hand, grab her glass with the other and chug. "Keep doin' that an' Ah'll end up draggin' yah 'n' Richay off intah anothah room fah a quickay."

She then noticed Aria's face. "Why do Ah have the feelin' Ah'm goin' tah regret sayin' that?"

The other three Immortals were smiling. They knew what that look meant.

Duncan couldn't resist commenting. "Elaine, you're screwed. Little sis is never going to forget you said that," he smirked.

"Oh? In that case," Elaine pulled Aria's shirt out of her jeans and slid a hand underneath. "Maybeh weh ought tah...."

In an echo of the earlier kiss with Richie, Elaine's mouth hungrily met Aria's, taking long enough for Methos to wonder where he had left the water bucket. No need for it, though.

"....Wrap this up sah weh cn get back home, hmmm?" the blonde finished.

"I thought we were supposed to be making up, not making out," Duncan mentioned pointedly.

"Has anyone evah tol' yah yah no fun, MacLeod?" Elaine shot back. "Is it mah fault Ah can' keep mah hands off these two? Ah jus' wish Ah could figah out a way of bi'in' both of them at the same time."

"Amazing," he smirked. "There's something Elaine doesn't know."

Elaine arched an eyebrow at the Scot. "An what's that supposed tah mean?"

Duncan shrugged. "Well, to hear you tell it, there isn't anything you don't know about sex. You come off sounding like a regular Dr. Ruth," he answered. "But I guess knowledge does come with experience, doesn't it?"

"Duncan," Aria warned.

But Elaine stepped over the other woman's comment. "An' jus' what the hell ah yah implyin', MacLeod?"

"Well, you have screwed your way over most of the continent," Duncan pointed out.

"That's rich, comin' from the man who's wahked his way through ev'ry whoah house in Europe fah foah centurays," Elaine returned. "Ah've tahked with a lot of whoahs an' it's amazin' how many times a cahtin name keep's croppin' up."

"You mean I'm that famous?" Duncan asked smugly.

"Not reallay," Elaine countered. "That's the pet name they have fah someone who can' get it up unless they'ah smashed half out of theah skull."

"Are you sure you've got that story right?" Aria asked. "Because when we were travelin' together, Duncan spent most of his time smashed half out of his skull and he definitely couldn't get it up then. Usually because he was passed out on the floor."

"You're not helping me, Ari," Duncan said through clenched teeth.

Richie took a sip of his beer to keep from cracking up.

"And I'd watch who I was talking about, Little Miss Can't Get Turned On Unless There's a Blood Bath," Duncan continued, turning back to Elaine.

Elaine shrugged. "Weh all have ah kinkay habits," she said. "Ah seem tah recall somethin' abou' yah 'n' an affinitay fah woman's undahweah."

Duncan paled. "How did you find out about that?"

Aria started looking very uncomfortable.

"YOU DIDN'T! Duncan bellowed.

"It's not like I had a choice," she answered, starting to blush. "'Laine picked it up in my blood."

"Ah mus' admit, MacLeod, yah looked pahday cute in Amanda's tedday," Elaine said. "Red lace is definitelay yah style."

"One of these days, I'm going to kill Amanda for that," Duncan seethed. "Right after I kill you."

"Anytime yah wan' tah step ouside, MacLeod, jus' say the wahd," the blonde said. "Ah may have prahmised Richay an' Aria not tah touch yah neck, but that gives meh a whole lot of room tah play with. How'd yah like tah beh two inches shahtah?" Her tone implied that height was not what she was referring to.

"Like I'm really going to let a vampire get that close to me. Some of us know better." He glared at Aria and Richie.

"Who says Ah have tah get close?" she asked. "One quick toss of the knife an' it's geldin' citay."

Duncan snorted. "The way you threw that thing earlier? I'm in more danger from being attacked by musical Tupperware."

Elaine snarled in hatred. Call her cheap, call her a whore, whatever. Nobody, but _nobody_ insulted her marksmanship. Especially MacLeod.

"Ah believe theah is one light behind us that Ari 'n' Ah somehow managed not tah destroy," she said coldly.

Nobody saw her make the throw. Aria barely even felt her move. They just saw the explosion when the knife landed.

Elaine calmly refilled her glass. "Yah wah sayin'?"

Duncan turned a shade paler than Richie and crossed his legs.

Methos fingered his nose. That knife had come awfully close earlier. Good thing Elaine wasn't that angry with him.

Fortunately, any bloodshed was prevented by a knock at the door.

Elaine finished her drink. "That'll beh the fahnituah people."

"Furniture people?" Joe repeated.

"Of course, Joe," Aria explained. "Ya didn't think Raltra and I would do this without some way of fixin' it, did ya?"

"It's onlay faah," Elaine agreed, hopping off Aria's lap and going over to the door to open it, pausing long enough to retrieve her knife.

A well-muscled man stood in the doorway. "I'm here for E. Lambert or A. An--" His voice stopped when he saw the mess inside.

"Ah'm Lambaht an' this is the right place," Elaine said. "Yah tah clean up the remains an' replace them with the new fahnituah. An' do it fas' sah weh cn open tonight. Any prahblems, take them tah the man behind the bah. That's Joe Dahson, he owns the joint. Any questions?"

The mover shook his head.

"Good. Then get yah men 'n' staht wahkin'."

She returned to the bar, standing between Richie and Aria.

Richie glanced at his watch. "It's getting close to sunrise," he said. "I think we'd better get going if we're gonna make it to my place in time."

Elaine shook her head. "Why don' weh go back tah mah place instead," she suggested. "Mah bed's biggah."

"Does this mean you're gonna show me your etchin's?" Aria asked flirtatiously.

The blonde grinned. "No, but Ah'll show yah mah Picassah." She took her lovers' hands and they headed out.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Duncan sighed.

"I think I'm disappointed," Methos said.

"I think I'm gonna throw you all out," Joe replied, feeling a huge headache coming on.

Epilogue

Joe didn't see any of the trio for several days. Then, about a week after the "fight," Elaine showed up shortly before closing.

"Am Ah still welcome heah?" she asked quietly.

He set a glass on the counter. "Always."

She strolled up, sat on a stool and took a sip. Neither of them spoke for what seemed like years, then they both spoke at one.

"Elaine I'm sor--"

"Joe, Ah'm sah--"

They laughed and Elaine motioned for Joe to go first.

"Sorry about what happened with Aria," he said. "But after you left the first time, none of us knew if you were ever coming back."

"Ah know," she answered. "Richay explained it all tah us. An' Ah am sahrah abou' smashin' yah guitah. In fact, that's wheah Ah've been fah the las' couple of days, ge'in' yah a relacement."

"You didn't have t--" Joe tried to protest, but it was too late. She was off the stool and out the door practically before the words were out of his mouth.

She returned carrying a battered guitar case. Setting it on the counter, she told Joe to open it.

He did. And caught his breath when he saw what it was. "Elaine, do you know what this is?" he asked in a hushed tone, carefully taking the guitar out.

"Yeah, it's a Gibson Les Paul," she answered.

Joe shook his head, still not believing it. "Not just a Les Paul, Elaine, this is the Les Paul, a 1976 if I'm not mistaken."

Elaine's eyes gleamed. Of course, she had known exactly what it was she was giving him. "Ah take it yah like?"

Joe nodded. Words couldn't describe the awe he felt at just holding such a beauty. And to think that she was his.... "She must have cost you a fortune." The last time he'd seen one of the market, it'd sold for over ten thousand dollars.

She shrugged. "Actuallay, she didn' cost meh a thin'. She used tah belon' tah a friend of mine who died sev'ral months back. Ah jus' had tah ask Neeki which chahch he stashed JD's stuff in."

Elaine finished her drink and set the empty glass down on the counter. Time to get to the real reason she was there.

"Joe, Ah was wondahrin', would it be possible tah rent the bah one night nex' month?" she asked. "Methos wan's meh tah tahk tah a friend of his an' this is the onlay place Ah cn think of tah do it in."

"What about your place?" he suggested.

She shook her head. "It needs tah beh neutral territahrah. Ah was thinkin' of Alma's, but Diana's apparentlay a li'le on the shy side. Sah can Ah?"

Joe sighed. She was getting that look on her face again. The one that said her every happiness, no, her very existence depended on his answer.

He knew when he was beaten. "Sure. Is the fifteenth all right with you?"

"Pahfect," she beamed. "Cn Ah use yah phone?"

"Go right ahead."

"Thanks." She picked up the receiver and quickly dialed. "Feliks? Elaine heah. Ah need a monay transfah. ... ten K ... American, a'cahse ... Han' on a sec." Covering the phone with one hand, she looked at Joe. "Joe, is that goin' tah beh enough?"

He couldn't answer. Ten thousand dollars on top of The Les Paul? Either he had just hit the jackpot or there was a major disaster in his future.

Elaine turned her attention back to the phone. "Be'ah make that twentay .. Sah use the Braban' fund, it's not like yah haven' done it befoah. Ah even cleahed it with Neeki fahst this time ... Pahday plase? ... Ah'll brin' back somethin' nice fah yah the nex' time Ah visit the Amazon ... Ah'll even make sure it blooms this time .. Thanks ... Joe Dawson .. Seacouvah ... Yah a deah ... Bye."

She hung up the phone. "It's all set. Feliks is goin' tah set up a Swiss Bank accoun' fah yah an' he'll fax meh the numbah on Monday. It'll beh all fixed sah yah don' have tah worrah abou' taxes oh any of that. He's a genius that way."

Joe finally found his voice. Almost. "Elaine, this is...."

"Not enough?" she cut in. "Ah cn always call Feliks back an' get moah if yah wan'."

"No, no. It's enough," he assured her. "It's way more than enough. Between the money and rebuilding my bar and the guitar, it's too much."

"But Ah like givin' thin's tah mah friends," Elaine pouted. "Besides, redoin' the bah was onlay faah, since Ari 'n' Ah trashed it in the fahst place. An' an instrument like that should beh played instead of hidden away like she was an' Ah can' think of anyone who'd take be'ah caah of hah. As fah the monay, well, twentay thousand won' even put a den' in the Braban' fund, Neeki's that rich."

"How rich?" Joe couldn't resist asking.

"Ah los' track when it hit nine digits," she shrugged. "Sah would yah please take it?" She threw in a chin wiggle just to make sure of his answer.

It worked. "All right, I'll take the money. Happy?"

Elaine hopped on the counter, threw her arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips. "Verrah."

The next kiss lasted a lot longer and took Joe's breath away.

"By the way," she continued. "Ah know yah a Watchah an' it's yah job an' all, but would yah do meh one moah teenay tinay li'le favah?"

"Anything," Joe promised, still stunned.

"Once ev'ryone arrives, would yah mind takin' the res' of the night off?" She ran a hand slowly down his shirt. "Pahday please? Fah meh?"

Damn. If Elaine wanted him out of the way that badly, he definitely wanted to be there.

But he also knew better than to get her angry at him again so soon.

"You're not going to give me a choice, are you?" he asked.

Elaine shook her head, then kissed him again for good measure. "Nope."

It was very tempting for Joe to let Elaine keep kissing him. Unfortunately, he knew what that would lead to.

"You win," he agreed. "I'll disappear."

"Thanks, Joe. Yah a deah." One more kiss and Elaine jumped down. "Go'ah run. And need tah get back tah Richay 'n' Aria."

"Shouldn't they be asleep about now?" he asked.

The vampire giggled wickedly. "Not aftah Ah get theah."

Joe watched her leave, then gave a low whistle, wondering how long the cold shower he was about to take would last.

THE END