DISCLAIMER: Since it's Christmas, I hope nobody's going to be upset over us borrowing the usual characters. But if they are, we promise to return them, nicely gift wrapped.

WARNING: Although this is not being labeled ADULT, this story includes a graphic description of giving birth. Men and pregnant women may not want to read all of this. Also, there is the usual language warning for whenever Elaine mentions certain parts of her past.

The Christmas Party 1999

Richie went through the box, searching for his old lockpicks.

No, he wasn't.

"Hold it right there," he said, standing up. "ELAINE!!"

"Yes?" Elaine's voice came to him from the next room.

"This is another of those Christmas stories, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yup."

"So what's this year's theme?" Richie stood and carefully peeked inside the closet. "Another costume party?"

"Nope," Elaine answered. "Jus' a quiet Chris'mas at home in Anda Savan."

It was real tempting to believe that, but Richie wasn't buying it quite yet. "So who's coming? Everyone under the sun?"

"Nope," she repeated. "Jus' fam'lay."

Now Richie knew something was up. "So that's all? Just a normal Christmas like I never had growing up?"

Elaine waddled into view. "Oh, Ah wouldn' say that...."

Instead of responding, Richie proceeded to pass out.

Richie was woken by a splash of water in his face.

"Yah know, considahrin' this is the fahth time weh've gone through this, yah'd think yah'd beh used tah this by now," Elaine told him.

"Well that maybe so, but I wasn't exactly aware of that fact when you first came into view," Richie pointed out as he sat up. "You know how these stories go. As THEY set things up, I represent the reader, so I have to play the idiot in the dark. And since my initial reaction to a pregnant vampire is to pass out, I tend to go with that feeling until I'm otherwise enlightened."

"Well, considah yahself enligh'ened," the pregnant vampire in question said, helping Richie to his feet. "Yah ain' gonnah do this when yah see the othahs, ah yah?"

"Not now that I finally know what in the hell's going on," Richie answered.

"Good." Elaine gently pushed him towards the door. "Cuz ev'ryone's heah an' they'ah expec'in' yah."

"So who's everyone?" Richie asked.

"The fam'lay," Elaine shrugged. "Aria, Cahrolyan an' Duncan, Emilay an' the res' of the gahls, Joe an' Nat, Neeki an' Janette, Methos an' Diana, Lucien, Simon, Alex an' a few othahs."

"This is gonna be a long night, isn't it?" Richie sighed.

"I hope not," Carolyan said, rubbing her swollen belly.

Duncan was immediately at her side. "You okay, sweetheart?"

Aria rolled her eyes. "Really, Duncan, the way you carry on," she said. "You'd think this was the first time in history a woman was ever pregnant."

"She's right, Mac," Carolyan agreed. "This was just a twinge. The real contractions shouldn't start for a while yet."

"Besides, Uncle Duncan, Nat helped deliver me, Carolyan, and like half the other girls, I think she can handle this one too," Emily added.

"An' Simon did the othah half, sah he's jus' as experienced as she is," Elaine added.

"But that's only two," Mac protested. "Who's delivering the third baby?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Mom, would it be against Midwinter Rules if I smacked him?" she asked.

"Under the circumstances, little one, I think you can get away with it this time," Aria answered with a grin.

"Can Ah help?" Elaine teased. "Although he does have a point. Weh've nevah had tah deal with three babays at one time befoah."

"Hey, I'm just thankful Andraven didn't try to make it four," Emily replied.

"Oh, sure, like you'd be the one having it," Louise teased. "I think Andraven would be more likely to choose me or Flora, the way she does Matkack."

"Excuse me?!" Emily shot back. "Watch it, little sister, before I have to start reminding you which one of us is the sworddancer."

"Just that you're lacking an essential ingredient in becoming pregnant," Louise assured her. "Namely a boyfriend."

"Oh yeah, sure, bring that up," Emily replied with a wink.

"Just because you've never had one," Flora chimed in. "I mean, even Papa has one."

"Flora, don't pick on your older sister," Richie admonished. "And I'll have you know I haven't had a boyfriend since your Matvan and I got married."

"So there," Emily added while sticking out her tongue.

Flora threw a pillow, hitting Emily square in the face.

"Not through lack of trying," Methos noted. "Maybe we need to tie him to the bed again, Diana?"

"Tempting, but, uh, I don't think Aria vould approve," Diana replied. "Unless ve vere doing it as present for her."

"I do love the way she thinks," Aria laughed.

"How 'bou' yah tie both of them tah the bed as a presen' fah meh?" Elaine suggested. "Oh!"

"What?!" about half the group asked in unison.

"Contractions are getting stronger," Carolyan answered. "There's still some time to go, I think."

"There anything we can get you?" Nick offered. "Any of you?"

"Aren't they sweet?" Aria laughed. "Can't speak for the others, Nick, but I'm fine. Thanks for offerin' though."

"How abou' openin' a couple bottles?" Elaine suggested. "Ah'm shoah Ah'm not the onlay thahstay one heah."

"Sounds good," Nick answered, getting up. "They're in the kitchen, right?"

"I'll get them," Nat said, standing. "Let Nick do it and he'll get lost in a flashback."

"Good point," Aria agreed. "They're in the refrigerator, second shelf, hidin' behind Methos' beer."

"Speaking of beer...," Methos said, holding up his glass. "This one's empty."

"And you're telling me this why?" Nat replied.

"Because I want you to fill it, wench," he told her.

Diana smacked him in the back of his head. "Get up and fill it yourself," she ordered. "And you vill get Natalia a drink in apology as vell."

"And if I don't?" Methos replied.

"You von't get to open Christmas present," Diana explained.

Methos suddenly jumped up and ran to the kitchen.

"The present's that good?" Joe asked, picking up his guitar and strumming it.

Diana smiled mysteriously. "I like to think so," she replied.

"Stop drooling, Joe," Nat teased, sitting back down and nudging him in the ribs. "You're not allowed to look at other women for another century."

"Yes, Mom," the Bluesman laughed.

"Atta girl, Nat," Aria cheered. "We gotta keep them men in line."

Joe stuck his tongue out at Aria.

"Someone's been takin' lessons," Elaine laughed.

"Just don't expect me to catch it, ducks," Aria teased.

"No offense, Aria, but you're not my type," Joe answered.

"Who is your type?" Richie asked.

Joe looked at his two Masters and smiled. "Janette."

Nat promptly bashed him over the head with a pillow.

"Speaking of presents that vill not be opened," Diana teased.

"Nah," Joe answered. "Nat can't keep her hands off me." To prove it, he pulled her into his lap and gave her a kiss, which she enthusiastically returned.

"Ah, young love," Richie laughed.

"Oh, like you don't still do the same thing with Elaine and Aria," Nat shot back. "And we're both older than you are, don't forget."

"Details, details," Richie replied.

"Anay one know what's keepin' Methos?" Elaine asked. "Ah'm still wai'in' fah that drink."

"Methos is the kitchen trying to find a damn bottle opener," the oldest immortal called back. "I swear, Ari, ever since Emma passed on this place has just gone to hell."

"The chahch key is in the drawah undah the wine rack, right wheah it's supposed tah beh," Elaine told him. "Ah did have a hand in raisin' Jamay, yah know."

After a few crashing and clinking sounds, Methos finally came out carrying a tray of glasses and a bottle of dark red liquid. "There, now you all can get off my back."

"Rathah have yah on yah back," Elaine said as she got to her feet and took the tray from him. Setting the tray on an end table, she filled the glasses and passed them out, keeping one for herself. "Now, how much of a mess did yah make of mah kitchen?"

"Your kitchen is fine," Methos replied, snatching his beer from the tray.

"Ah'm supposed tah believe that aftah what Ah jus' hahd?" she challenged. "Hasn' anay one evah tol' yah nevah tah lie tah a pregnan' woman?"

"The drawer stuck, that's it," Methos replied.

"Again?" Jamie asked. "I'll have to take wax to it later."

Methos plopped down next to Diana. "See, Ari," he said. "I keep telling you you need to modernize out here.

Three blondes growled at him.

Methos snorted. "Excuse me for trying to drag you people out of the dark ages."

"And what is wrong with the Dark Ages?" Janette asked.

"Absolutely nothing if you count the few times I was almost burnt at the stake and the supreme lack of personal hygiene," Methos answered.

"Then you should have come and stayed with Etienne and myself," Fleur said. "As Matthew has since revealed himself to be Immortal, knowledge of yourself would have been more acceptable. Although, unlike Elaine, I would not have taken you to my bed."

"My loss," Methos replied as he saluted her with his beer. "But don't worry about me. After all, I did get to spend a few brief moments back then with another vampire, so obviously it wasn't all that dark."

Diana smiled at him as he wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders. "And you vonder vhy I put up vith him," she laughed.

Methos shrugged. "I have my moments."

"You have more than just 'moments', my friend," LaCroix told him. "Otherwise, I would not have as many fond memories of Gaul as I do."

"I do aim to please," Methos replied while taking a sip of his beer.

"Maybeh weh should offah yah tah the rest of the room that hasn' found out in pahson yet," Elaine teased.

Methos shrugged. "Could prove interesting," he replied. "What do you say, Joe? Wanna be the first to have a go?"

"I think you're completely nuts," Joe shot back.

"Vell, ve could strip him to make sure," Diana replied thoughtfully, "but I am pretty sure he has more down there."

"Spin' the bo'le?" Elaine suggested. "Oh would strip pokah beh be'ah?"

"What about the PG rating these things are supposed to have?" Joe countered.

"Is it just me, or does someone always bring that up, just when things are getting interesting?" Flora asked.

"And you would know this, how?" Richie noted.

"I've read the stories," his daughter answered. "I know what happens in them."

"Well you know how your mother gets," Richie teased. "We have to keep reigning her in."

"Tell me about it," Carolyan said. "I'm surprised she's only had the four kids so far."

"Like you can talk," Emily snorted.

"Wasn't my fault," the pregnant blonde protested. "Blame Patka, since he was the one who wanted kids again."

"Which I don't mind one bit, so let's not hear anything against Richie," Duncan said, pulling Carolyan into his lap. "Er, I think Carolyan's water just broke."

"Oh boy," Emily replied.

"All right everyone, here we go," Nat said, standing up. "Simon, go fetch Elaine's chair. Richie, help Aria off with her clothes. Carolyan, how do you want to do it?"

"I ... guess the way Matkack's doing it," Carolyan answered.

"Fine, Emily, go get another chair," Nat ordered.

"You got it, Doc," Emily replied as she headed off to do as she was told.

"Anything I can do?" Duncan asked.

"Just do what I usually do," Richie answered "All right, Nat you help Carolyan since she's going to need the most help. Simon will cover Elaine as always. And Methos, you and Diana get up so Aria can lie down and then just stay close in case Emily needs an extra set of hands."

"Someone ought tah be se'in' papahs on the floah fah the chaahs," Elaine suggested, struggling to her feet.

"Already got it covered, Matvan," Emily said as she returned, carrying an assortment of painter's drop cloths. "Simon's coming with the chairs."

"Great." Elaine walked the floor. "Cuz if this babay's not out soon, Ah'm takin' mah knife an' cu'in' hah out mahself."

"While I'm all for expediency, especially in the delivery room," Simon replied as he entered the room with the chairs, "as your physician I strongly advise you against performing your own Cesarean."

"Simon...." Not bothering to walk, Elaine floated over to him and grabbed Simon by his jowls, lifting him in the air, and tossed him across the room. "Shut up."

"Elaine!" Aria admonished. "I don't care how annoyin' he is, I thank ya not to be tossin' him around in here. You could've broken somethin' valuable."

"Ah looked wheah Ah was throwin' him," Elaine answered in her little girl's voice. "Meh bad gahl?"

"Only when ya wanna be, darlin'," Aria replied with a wink. "However, this isn't really the time nor the place."

"Richie, why don't you take Elaine and sit in one of the chairs," Nat suggested. "I need to check someone to find out how much they're all dilated, and it might as well be her."

"Come on, 'Laine," Richie said as he gently took her arm.

"Wheah weh goin'?" the blonde asked, letting him lead her.

"We're gonna come over here and sit down so the nice doctor can check you out," Richie answered.

"It haht?"

"Probably," Richie answered truthfully, not knowing how long she was going to be stuck like this. "But I'll be right here with you the whole time."

"Yah hold mah hand?" she asked.

"Sure." Richie sat down in one of the chairs and patted his legs. "You sit here, okay?"

"Okay," Elaine said, crawling into his lap.

"Okay, Nat, all yours," Richie said.

"Right." Nat crouched down in front of the two. "Now, Elaine, I want you to open up your legs so I can take a look, all right?"

The blonde looked at Richie questioningly.

"It's all right, 'Laine," Richie replied. "She's the doctor, remember?"

"A'right." Elaine did as she was instructed.

Nat pulled a flashlight out of her pocket and stuck it in her mouth. "Uh huh," she said, taking a look. "Carolyan, Aria, how bad are the contractions?"

"A couple of minutes on our end and getting closer by the second," Emily answered for her mother.

"Great," Nat half-grumbled. "Um, Emily, you stay with you mother and Flora, why don't you help your sister. Is Carolyan in place yet?"

"We're ready," Duncan answered for his wife.

"Okay." Nat thought for a moment. "Elaine," she very carefully said, "I need you to tell me if there's anything wrong with your tummy."

"Feels funnay," Elaine admitted.

"Like you have to make a bowel movement? Only worse?" Nat asked.

"Yeah," the blonde nodded. "That bad?"

"No, that's very, very good," the doctor assured her. "Do you keep feeling like you want to push it out?"

Elaine's face scrunched up as another contraction hit the three, giving Nat the answer.

"Meh sick?" Elaine asked.

"No, you're not sick," Nat answered. "But we still need to get what's making you hurt out. Now, the next time a contraction hits, I want you to try to push it out, okay? And that goes for everyone, Carolyan and Aria, too."

"Um, problem here," Flora spoke up. "I don't see a head. Something's blocking it."

Emily snorted. "Oh you would have a breech kid," she said.

"No, I think I'd see a foot if that was it," Flora answered. "Someone get me some lube. I think I'm going to have to go in."

Methos disappeared and came back a little bit later with a large jar of Vaseline. "Don't ask," he said as he handed it to Flora.

"Don't worry. I read those stories, too," Flora answered, dipping two fingers into the ointment and smearing it on her arm up to the elbow. "Hang on, sis, here I go." She carefully inserted her arm into her sister and felt around.

"Well?" Mac asked.

"Let me put it this way. When you came up with a name for the baby, did you have a backup? You're going to need it," she announced.

Duncan's eyes grew wide. "You mean...?"

"Two heads," Flora nodded. "That's why sis is having trouble. They both want to be first. I'll push one out of the way."

"Tessa," Carolyan gasped. "Her name's Tessa."

Richie, Joe and Duncan all raised their heads at the name.

"We're gonna have twins?" Duncan repeated.

"Not if they don't come out." Flora removed her arm. "Okay, you can start pushing again."

"How ... utterly ... decent of ya ... dear sister," Carolyan panted.

"No problem." Flora grabbed a towel and cleaned herself off. "If you hurry, you can catch up with Matvan and Matkack."

"Easy ... for you ... to say."

"Easy for you, too, I'd say," Flora answered. "We already have a head here. One more push and she'll pop."

"C'mon, sweetheart, you can do it," Duncan added, falling into the cliched birthing coach routine.

"Next time you say that, I'll shove the baby up your dick and you can give birth yourself," Carolyan grunted, doing as her sister said.

"And ... she's out!" Flora announced. "Who wants to take her?"

"I vill hold her, if it is alright," Diana said, coming over with a blanket.

"Of course it's all right," the blonde agreed, tying up the umbilical cord and handing the baby over. "She'll need cleaned off and kept warm until the other one's here. Why don't you cuddle up with Uncle Meaty and see if you can convince him to have one of your own?"

"Don't even think it, Flora," Methos replied. "Besides, Di's a different kind of vampire."

"Matvan and Pop weren't supposed to have kids either," Carolyan reminded him. "And shouldn't these things be taking a break?"

"Not until we get the afterbirth out," Flora answered. "Couple more pushes and you can rest for a while."

Fortunately, the afterbirth came a lot quicker than baby Mary had, and Carolyan was able to rest up while Aria and Elaine took their turns.

"Someone wan' tah remind meh why Ah agree tah this ev'ry twen'ay yeahs?" Elaine grumbled.

"Oh, I don't know," Richie replied, beaming at all his daughters. "We've gotten some good things out of it."

"Nice to see you're back," Nat said. "Now how about pushing, unless you want Carolyan to beat you and Aria."

Aria and Elaine pushed and soon two more babies were being held by their mothers.

"So who're these two?" Joe asked.

"Who's askin'?" Elaine panted. "Ol' lovah oh dam' Watchah?"

"Neither," Joe answered. "Their uncle and great-whatever cousin-in-law or whatever the hell I am."

"Great gran'-nephah, Ah think," Elaine supplied. "Richay, Aria, eithah of yah remembah if weh came up with anay names fah this lot?"

"Not that I remember," Richie answered.

"We were still arguin' over it last I checked," Aria added.

"What abou' Be'ay an' Ki'ay?" Elaine suggested.

"Which is which?" Richie asked.

"Be'ay was the brunette, sah that makes hah Aria's. An' Ki'ay was the blonde, sah that makes hah mine," Elaine answered.

"Why do I have the feeling there is more to those names than she's telling us?" Methos replied.

"They wah a couple of nahses Papa had when Ah was growin' up," she nodded. "Totallay devo'ed tah each othah, even lived in the same house. Ah used tah wan' tah beh jus' like them when Ah grew up."

"Did I know them?" Nick asked.

"Yah might have met them a time oh two," his sister answered. "They us'allay took the day shift, though. An' yah might have stah'ed aftah weh los' them."

"What happened to them?" Richie asked.

"'Bout a yeah aftah Lincoln was killed, a group of niggahs invaded theah house aftah cahfew," Elaine shrugged. "Couple months aftah that, Ki'ay hanged hahself. Rumah had it, an' Ah know it was true, cuz Ah ovahhahd hah talkin' abou' it with Papa, that she did it because she didn' wan' tah have no half-breed brat. Be'ay lasted a li'le longah, then jus' up an' died. Couldn' stand livin' without hah Ki'ay."

"Oh," Richie replied, almost sorry he'd asked.

"Weh don' have tah name them that, if yah don' want tah," Elaine answered. "Ah jus' though it'd beh nice, since neithah one of them had anay fam'lay."

"That's alright, love," Aria replied. "I like it."

"Betty and Kitty it is then," Richie agreed. "Since it makes you both happy."

"Ah knew theah was a reason weh love yah," Elaine said, taking one of his fingers and giving it to Kitty. "Hey theah, Ki'ay. This is yah fathah. Beh nice tah him."

Kitty promptly let out a loud wail.

Richie sighed. "Well this one's just off to a great start."

"Don't worry, Halvan, she's probably just cold an' a little scared," Aria assured him, putting Betty to her breast. "Why don't you hold her while Elaine feeds her?"

Richie shrugged. "Depends on whether or not Elaine will let me."

"An' when have Ah evah kep' one of yah babays from yah?" Elaine asked, placing Kitty in his arms. "Jus' fah that, yah get tah change the fahst set of diapahs."

"What do you mean? I always get stuck changing the first set of diapers," Richie teased.

"Not quite," Duncan corrected. "I did Carolyan's the first time.

"Yet another reason why your entire relationship disgusts me to no end," Emily teased.

"Yeah, well, you get to do this one," Carolyan shot back. "Right after she gets here."

"Oh boy, here we go again," Nat replied.

"Just for that, I'll talk to Andraven about having you join us next time," Carolyan snapped, pushing hard.

"Wrong Goddess," Nat pointed out.

"Then I'll make sure I get the right one," Carolyan answered. "How far?" she then asked Flora.

"Head," her sister said. "One more."

"I will get your for this," Carolyan said to Duncan as she pushed.

"You already got me, sweetheart," her husband replied, deliberately kissing her neck, "twenty years ago."

Carolyan reared back and nailed him in the nose with the back of her head.

At the same time, the baby came the rest of the way out, landing in Flora's waiting hands.

"Ow! What was that for?" Duncan asked.

"What do you think it was for, Duncan?" Aria teased.

"Well, considering I'm bleeding all over her back, too many possibilities spring to mind," he answered. "How's Tessa?"

A loud wail gave him the answer.

Duncan's face split in the goofiest grin. "Would you look at her," he said. "A father. I'm actually a father!"

"And you guys thought I acted like an idiot the first time," Richie teased.

"Yes, Duncan, you're a father. Merry Christmas," Carolyan sighed. "May I have Mary back?" she then asked Diane and Methos.

"If I must," Diana teased as she brought the baby back over to her mother.

"Unless you want to try feeding her yourself," the new mother teased. Placing Mary to one breast, she added Tessa to the other as Flora finished cleaning her off and handed her over. "There how's that?"

Suddenly, the antique clock in Aria's hallway began to chime midnight.

Richie smiled. "Hey, it's Christmas."

"That's right." Joe smiled and went over to Nat, kissing her. "Merry Christmas, darling."

The sentiment quickly spread around the room until they were all Merry Christmas-ing and kissing each other.

Methos turned to Joe, his arms spread wide and a wicked smile on his face. "C'mon, Joseph, gives us a kiss," he said. "It's Christmas."

"Not even if you were Jolly Old St. Nick himself," Joe shot back.

"Maybe we need to break out the mistletoe," Aria teased.

Joe gave her a very dirty look. "You are so not helping."

"Beh nice, Joseph," Elaine warned. "Give Methos the kiss."

"I'm going to hurt you," Joe pointed out to the oldest Immortal.

"Kinky, kinky," Methos teased. "Just one little peck on the lips. No tongue."

"Why me?" Joe sighed.

"Because yah abou' the onlay one heah who hasn'," Elaine answered. "Now ah yah goin' tah kiss Methos oh do Ah have tah shove mistletoe down yah throat an' make yah?"

"I will get you for this," Joe replied as he finally moved over to Methos.

Methos grabbed Joe's cheeks and planted a smack on the lips. "There, was that so bad?" he asked when it was over.

Joe started sputtering and immediately grabbed his glass. "Don't ever do that again!" he said after taking a healthy swig.

"Next time, I'll kiss you, how's that?" Richie teased, enjoying Joe's reaction in spite of himself.

"I am going to get you all," Joe replied. "I don't know how, but I will get you."

Janette got up and went over to Joe, kissing him. "There, is that better, cherie?"

"Much better," Joe answered with a grin. "Thank you."

With a friendly glare at Janette, Nat took Joe's hand and led him to the couch.

"Oh, now you're in for it, Joe," Richie laughed.

"Not at all," Nat answered. "Provided Joe repeats after me."

"Why do I have this sudden rising fear?" Joe asked of no one in particular.

"Joe...." Elaine warned.

Joe threw his arms up in defeat. "I never said I wouldn't do it," he replied. "Go ahead, Nat."

"Merry Christmas to all," she said.

"Merry Christmas to all," Joe repeated.

"And to all, a good night."

"And to all, a good night."

THE END