Now is the time for all good straw men to get drafted to the aid of their country.
Crock the vote!
It began, as many political maladies do, with
Charlie Rangel. The demographically unassailable New York Democrat, bolstered
by his self-trumpeted veteran status, lovingly fulfilled his role as the Democrats’ speaker of unspeakable things.
But of course, the real reason for the coming
draft, he said, was George W. Bush. He was just using up so many little warm
bodies that it was inevitable that we would have to send out the Soylant Green trucks sooner or later, to scoop up new cannon
And there it was: the Democrats want to campaign against a draft so badly, they’re prepared to introduce the issue and pass the legislation themselves if they have to. Kind of like when one of those psychotic firemen sets things on fire so he can be a hero and put it out, only not so admirable.
There is a quote, attributed to General George
Patton, that “Every army is perfectly prepared to re-fight the last war it fought”. In the case of the Democrats, however, maybe that should read that they are “perfectly prepared to
re-fight the last war they protested.” The Democrats see
Just one problem -if you don’t want to
But are enough people really dumb enough to elect Kerry to stop a draft that doesn’t exist, President Bush has disavowed, and the Pentagon adamantly opposes? The Democrats think so.
“Rock the Vote!”, MTV’s non-partisan youth-targeted organization that doesn’t carry water for the Democrats or co-ordinate with them at all, has put “The Draft” front and center on their website’s “Why to Vote” page, quite literally. Click on “War and The Draft” and you get a plethora of useful information that begins:
“A new Military Draft?”
“It’s on everyone’s lips. And it directly affects YOU.”
Oh, a new “Military” draft… I get it now. You see, I thought they were talking about the “NBA” draft -on account of there is no military draft. But of course, it’s a secret (but really quite real) future military draft they’re talking about –one that you can only see after you’ve been educated by MTV. I mean, it’s on everyone’s lips. It’s the Madonna of politics.
A current “Rock the Vote!” print ad appearing in such outlets as Stuff magazine, a copy of which somehow ended up in my personal possession (I must have thought it was National Review when I bought it. The covers do look so similar at times) shows a young African-American man –quite serious in expression- sitting in a Barber’s chair (the Barber also quite serious in expression) getting his impressive neo-afro trimmed under the words “Off to College…or Off to War?” And get this –it may not be up to our seriously barbered friend. There could be a draft! And all of us who saw Full Metal Jacket just know what that’s going to do for his afro. Outrage!
Max Cleland, hatchet man for John Kerry, was
a little less subtle in addressing the issue while speaking to a group of students at
"There will be no draft when John Kerry is president" John Edwards told a worried mother who recently asked about the prospects for a coming draft (undoubtedly a spontaneous question). The implication being that there very well might be a draft if we re-elect George W. Bush. “There will be no invasion of mind-controlling ear parasites from Seti Alpha 5 when John Kerry is President”, I say. Surely one should support Kerry then. I’ve seen that movie, too, and I don’t want to risk the Bush ear-parasite policy escalating any further.
Then Howard Dean joined in (so I guess his political
rehabilitation must be proceeding as planned). "I think that George Bush is certainly
going to have a draft if he goes into a second term, and any young person that doesn't want to go to
Various news outlets have dutifully taken the bait, too. This is a serious issue boiling on the back burner of a dozen campaign stories now. If we don’t take steps to avoid the draft we don’t have, who knows what may happen? “Will draft fears sway voters?” asked MSNBC.com recently. Well, yeah -the dumb ones. Maybe we should just take a page from that dumb dude in Stripes and enlist now before we get drafted (like Max Cleland, I see a lot of movies).
So now John Kerry has finally stepped up to his own
dirty work and begun raising the issue. In a West Palm Beach Forum, a voter named
The day may come when
John Kerry is the only one who wants a draft. If elected President, would John Kerry secretly pass a draft bill conscripting little girls into the Marines Corps as part of a politically correct campaign to finally achieve sex parity in military burn wards and amputee centers? I can’t say. Maybe you kids should all vote for Bush –just to be safe. Off to Girl Scouts… or Off to War?
All original content on this site is the property of the author or the publishing entity and may not be reproduced without permission.