GRACE ANSWERS 18


These are questions sent to GraceLife Ministries by Internet E-Mail. We appreciate each person who sent the questions and hope our answers will be a help to many. If you would like to have a question answered for Grace Answers, please e-mail Mark McGee.


Two Gospels Side by Side?


Blood for Sin


Leaving a Church

One of our Christian sisters sent us some questions recently that are similiar to questions thousands of Christians are asking around the world today. The questions deal with making the decision to leave a local church because of problems and opposition in the church. In addition to going through the trauma of deciding whether to leave or stay a group of people you love and have known for years, the rumors that follow your leaving can be even more hurtful.

The questions this sister asked us were very personal and our response was personal and direct. For the purpose of helping others with similar concerns, we have answered only the questions that are common to many.

  • QUESTION: We sought Christian counseling before we left that church, and they told us to leave, as everyone else told us to stay. Did we do the right thing?

  • ANSWER: Leaving or staying in the kind of situation you were in is a tough one. What would be gained if you had stayed? Would it have been better than what's happened to you by leaving? Were you in a position to make a difference by staying? Could you have won the battles that were coming at you if you had stayed? What would staying have done to your spiritual life? Improved it? Hurt it more?

    You did leave and that's where you are now. Trying to second-guess your past actions can do more harm than good. It can bog you down and keep you from experiencing the joy God has to give you. Learn from the experience, but don't live in it. What you learn from it will prepare you to help a brother or sister who goes through the same thing years from now. Paul wrote the Corinthians, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." (2 Corinthians 1:3-5) Set goals for your future. That's where you're headed. You can't change the past. Learn from it. Use it to grow in the Grace and Knowledge of Christ. Use it to help others.

  • QUESTION: How do we confront these people regarding the last rumor we heard?

  • ANSWER: Confronting the kind of people you've described usually doesn't accomplish anything positive. In fact, I've seen it make things worse. You may do better to address the rumors to people who love you and leave the rest to God. It's amazing what He can do.

  • QUESTION: Is it okay to really have a strong dislike for people and still be a Christian? I really have pity ... toward this family, but I don't want to know them anymore....I pray for them, and have even forgiven them, but I can't associate with them, as I don't trust them.

  • ANSWER: It's a natural reaction. God understands that. God wants members of the same Body to love each other, forgive each other and be unified. Paul's letters deal a lot with that issue in the church. Read 1 Corinthians and Philippians for insights to how Christians who don't get along should and can get along.

    Christians can be petty and mean. That's a reality we have to deal with. Everyone will be perfect in Heaven, but we're not there yet.

    I'm not suggesting you do anything right away. Read God's Word, meditate on it, pray about it. Listen to God's Spirit about what to do. The time may come when you will be able to minister to their needs. That certainly could open the door for both of you. Wait on the Lord and see what He does.

  • QUESTION: What can we do for our old pastor since we are not there?

  • ANSWER: Love him. Pray for him. Call him from time to time to talk about how great God is and just listen. It's better not to call about how bad things are at the church. Call about the good things we have in Christ. That will be good for you and for him. Write him a card or letter from time to time, just to share a positive thought about Christ. Share some good times with him. It will make a difference for you and him. You've both been focusing on bad things for a long time. It's time to change the landscape. Don't let the past ruin the great things you have and can have in Christ.

  • QUESTION: How can a person be blatenly hateful, cruel, and awful, and not even know it? I know the devil can blind a person, but we all know it is wrong to lie....

  • ANSWER: I sometimes wonder if people like that are really Christians. They act more like unsaved than saved people. If that's true, that they're not saved, a lot of things make more sense. I can easily understand how an unsaved person can be blatenly hateful, cruel and awful. Ephesians 2:1-3 explains that clearly.

    What if they really are saved? Then our brother and sister are in deep trouble. They are sad, unhappy and miserable in their sinfulness. They may be gratifying the desires of their sinful nature (hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy -- Galatians 5:20-21). That's an awful place for a Christian to be. They need help. They need prayer.

    Paul wrote: "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." (Galatians 5:24-26)

    Paul wrote: "Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:29-32)

    Christians who cause problems in their churches are not just grieving the Body of Christ. They are also grieving the Holy Spirit of God. That's such a painful place to be. Can you imagine what it's like to be a blood-bought Child of Grace who grieves both the Body of Christ and the Holy Spirit of God? How sad. They need a lot of help.

    I know you don't want anything to do with these people. They've hurt you and your pastor deeply. However, they are either unsaved people who need to know the Saving Grace of God or they are a brother and sister in Christ who need to know the Changing Grace of God. In other words, they need the Grace of God in the worst way. Pray for them. Ask God to show them their need. Ask God to help you know what else you can do to help them.

    Here's a little insight from something the Apostle Paul told Pastor Timothy about how to deal with people in his church who opposed him. It's something for us to consider.

    "And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will."

    2 Timothy 2:24-26

    We find tons of insights from this portion of God's Word, but look at some basics:

    1. Don't quarrel.

    2. Instead, be kind, able to teach, not resentful.

    3. Gently instruct those who oppose you, hoping that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth.

    4. These people have lost their senses and are in the devil's trap. He took them captive to do his will.

    Whether these misbehaving church members are saved or unsaved, they are trapped. Saved people who oppose God's Word and leaders have lost their good senses and are in the devil's trap. He's taken them captive. We must pray for them. Church leaders should gently instruct them with the hope they will escape the trap. Unsaved people are dead in their transgressions and sins. They follow the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air. They can do nothing else but gratify the cravings of their sinful nature and follow its desires and thoughts. Either way, they are in big trouble.

    What you can do is pray for them daily; maybe several times a day. If you have the opportunity to speak with them, speak gently and lovingly. I know that's not the natural way you'd like to react. We have to call on a "super" natural power to help us do it.

    Spend time in Paul's writing. He deals more with the realities of church living than any other writer of Scripture. Ask God to help you deal powerfully and Biblically with these problems. It will take time. It won't turn around overnight. It could take months or even years, but if God's doing the changing the changes will be real and lasting.

    My prayers are with you, my sister.


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Last Updated: 12/20/1999