GRACE ANSWERS 3

These are questions sent to GraceLife Ministries by Internet E-Mail. We appreciate each person who sent the questions and hope our answers will be a help to many. If you would like to have a question answered for Grace Answers, please e-mail Mark McGee.

Sexual Addiction

The following question is about sexual addiction. The Christian who sent us the question shared some very private and confidential information. We have changed the question to protect the writer.

QUESTION: I am in bondage to too many things in my life to serve Christ. I have a collection of porno tapes ... different accounts for paid services here on the net. I feel as though I have tried over and over again to quit my addiction, but to no avail ... I asked for God's help and strength when I went cold turkey. I memorized scripture and listened to many people try to help, but again to no avail ... Tell me what you think I am doing wrong. Why hasn't God heard my cries for help?
ANSWER: Thank you for writing. You have a serious problem and I thank you for giving me the opportunity to help you with it.
Any addiction is serious, but a sexual addiction is among the worst kind to address. Sex is a God-given opportunity for a man and woman to express their love for each other and to continue the human race. The problem with sex is how Satan and sin have changed the way we think about it. Sexual desires take over all of our senses. It's a physical, emotional and spiritual drive. Sin has turned loving sex into lusting sex. Satan takes advantage of that lust and leads people to use their natural drives into unnatural acts. This is what has happened to you.
"You were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath." (Eph. 2:1-3)
I quote that portion of Paul's writings because it's true of all of us. Every person alive was born a sinner. I certainly don't judge you because of your sexual addiction. Everyone was a sinner. All of us gratified the cravings of our sinful nature and followed its desires and thoughts. We were all objects of wrath by nature. What happened to change that? What makes us different?
"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved."
Christ took all the dirty, awful, sinful addictions of every man, woman and child on His precious Body on the cross and bled and died to pay the terrible penalty of our sins. He Who was sinless died in our place! Your sexual addiction placed Christ on the cross. My sins placed Christ on the cross. Every person who has lived, is alive and will live placed Christ on the cross because of their sin.
Stop for a minute and look at your pornography. Look at the tapes, books and magazines. Look at the pictures. Listen to the words. That sin put Jesus to death. That horrible misuse of God's gift of loving sex pounded nails into the hands and feet of Jesus Christ, our loving Savior. Why do you want to have anything to do with it?
Satan has a firm hold on you. That's evident from your comments to me. Satan knows what buttons to push to control you. You have a long history of sexual addiction. Satan has used sexual sin to etch his will into every fiber of your body, mind and emotion. Sexual addiction is one of the toughest battles for a Christian to fight. I want you to know that up front. It's a battle you and God "can" win, but it won't be easy. You have to "want" to win with all your heart. You have to obey God's Word at "all" times. You have to fight Satan at "every" turn. Satan has you where he wants you and he won't let go of you without an all-out war. Satan knows that if he ever loses his grasp on your body and mind, he will lose you to God's perfect will. You will become a very dangerous person to Satan because you will know what it is to fight for your life and win! Satan knows the battle can turn you into a great warrior for God who can help scores and hundreds of other people turn from sin to God.
With that in mind, let's take a look at what you "MUST" do to begin the process of going from "victim" to "warrior."
1. Hate your sin. The first step in changing is agreeing with God. God hates sexual sin. So must you. Paul wrote the Ephesian Christians: "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." (Eph. 5:2-3)
2. Realize that Christ will not be comfortable in your life until you stop your sexual sin. Paul prayed for Christians that "Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith." (Eph. 3:17) The Greek meaning is of Christ feeling at home in your life and being comfortable there. Our heart is Christ's home. Your sexual sin is at odds with the holiness God wants to bring into your life. Let your love for Christ and your desire for His happiness in your life become the main reason you fight sexual addiction.
3. Get ready for battle. "Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power." Start by realizing Who will win the war for you. Only God has the power to defeat Satan's hold on you. You don't have a chance to do it alone. God is the One Who can beat Satan and give you freedom from sexual addiction.
4. Understand your enemy. "Put on the whole armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." Your battle is head on with Satan. He's a smart devil who constantly schemes in ways to make you fall deeper and deeper into sexual sin. He knows what has worked in the past and he'll keep it up until you are finally defeated and of no use to anyone. Think about this as you get up in the morning, as you go through the day and as you lay your head down on your pillow at night. Think about how Satan has been scheming all day and into the night to trick you up. Never let down your guard. Treat every minute as time on the battlefield. You are in a war!
5. Remember what you're fighting. You may think it's a battle with flesh and blood, but it's not. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Eph. 6:12) You may think the tough part is dealing with your porno movies and pictures, but the battle is much deeper than that. You are fighting creatures of another world who have unbelieveable powers. That's why you can't do this alone and why you "must" fight the war God's way. Only God can defeat this spiritual force of evil.
6. Go through the "armor" process several times a day. I suggest you do it every 2-4 hours while you're getting used to doing it. Mentally "put on" the armor of God:
  - THE BELT OF TRUTH
  - THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS
  - YOUR FEET FITTED WITH THE READINESS THAT COMES FROM THE GOSPEL OF PEACE
  - TAKE UP THE SHIELD OF FAITH
  - TAKE THE HELMET OF SALVATION AND THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT
  - PRAY IN THE SPIRIT ON ALL OCCASIONS WITH ALL KINDS OF PRAYERS AND REQUESTS
  - BE ALERT AND ALWAYS KEEP ON PRAYING FOR ALL THE SAINTS
  This may "sound" a little silly, but it's not. It is a mental, emotional, physical and spiritual way of fighting your battle. If you go through the process of "putting on" the armor in your war against sexual addiction several times a day, the battle will become easier as time goes along. The first two weeks will be very tough, but it will get better after that "if" you don't quit the process. You have been sexually addicted for years, so it may take months or years of continual fighting to defeat it. Like many addicts, you may have to be on guard against it for the rest of your life.
  Go through the entire "armor" process everytime you feel the urge to look at a dirty movie, book or picture.
7. Throw away every "sexual" thing you have. Don't keep any of it around your house or office. Lock out any television cable channels that would allow you to see pornography. Watch "clean," family-oriented programming. Lock out any computer or Internet program that would allow you to see pornography. Make places on the Internet like GraceLife, ChristianLife and other Christian web sites your main places to surf when you're on the Net. Take control of your future. Don't just "think" about doing right, "do" what's right. You have to begin "replacing" bad thoughts with good thoughts. "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." (Phil. 4:8)
8. Stay away from any place where you would see sex or pornography. That includes movie theatres, night clubs, strip bars, men's clubs, etc.
9. Start serious counseling with a Christian counselor who has dealt successfully with sexual addiction. A good counselor is going to use God's Word correctly and will include your wife in the counseling process. Your wife is an important person in your beating sexual addiction. It has affected her in ways you may not even know. She can be one of your greatest allies in the war.
10. Join a Christian support group for sexually addicted people. Your counselor should be able to point you to a good group. Be careful of what the group does. Some groups call themselves Christian but are nothing more than people looking for sex. If your counselor or members of the support group seem more interested in hearing about your sexual encounters than sharing Christ's power in overcoming the addiction, get out fast! A true Christian counselor doesn't want to hear the details of your sin. They want to help you beat your addiction. Many charlatans use the term Christian as a way to get people involved in their own perversions. Beware! Hopefully, your pastor can guide you to a good counselor and support group.
11. Read the following Scripture at least five times in the next two months. Read each Book through the first time to get a feel for what Paul is saying. Start taking notes the second and third times about what you see. The fourth time you read each Book is your time to write down things you should do about what you read. The fifth time should be your opportunity to judge how well you have implemented what you've read and learned. If you are not "doing" what Paul is saying by your fifth reading (about two months from now), you are doing something wrong.
  - Ephesians
  - Philippians
  - Colossians
  - Galatians
  - 1 Corinthians
  - 2 Corinthians
12. Stay in touch with me. I'm as close as your computer. I'll do what I can to support you through your battle. Also, take advantage of other Grace Teachers and what they think. You can find them at "Grace Teachers Online".
  They have scores of years of experience in helping people deal with sexual sin.
Again, thanks for writing and know that I am praying for you. You and God can do it!

Hyper-Calvinism

QUESTION: Are you hyper-calvinists?
(I asked the writer to define what he meant by hyper-calvinism.)
Are you guys five point Calvinists...meaning that man has no choice or responsibility in the matter of his salvation? To me 'hyper-calvinism' is defined by the 5 points of Calvinism.
T,U,L,I,P
T-Total Depravity....man is so totally deprived that he can not even accept salvation unless it is forced upon him by God. U-Unconditional Election-The election of the believer is entirely up to God. He decides arbitrarily who will be saved, and who will go to hell independant of the choices that man makes. L-Limited Atonement..The Lord Jesus Christ died only for the elect I-Irresistable Grace..Any man that was predestined to be saved, can not get out of this agreement, and has no choice in the matter of his salvation. P-Perseverance of the Saints..Those who are saved will live godly. Hence, all who live ungodly are not saved.(This conclusion is my own!!)
ANSWER: I appreciate your explaining your view of Calvinism. Since it's a man-made label, I wanted to be sure to answer your question according to your definition.
First, let me say that I am NOT a Calvinist. I don't fit any man-made label. I am a member of the Body of Christ. Some of the things I believe may be shared by others who take a human label, but I don't fit under any label other than the one God gave me by His Grace.
The Apostle Paul is the authority on each issue you've raised. So, we'll look to his writings for insight.
1. Total Depravity --- Paul wrote this in Ephesians 2:1-5: "As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved." Paul wrote this a few verses later: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast."
  The Greek word for "dead" is nekrous . It is an adjective from the word nekus (a corpse). Nekrous , means that the body has no life in it. The body is without life. Every person born into physical life is spiritually dead. That's what Paul is writing about. All of us started our lives on earth as people "dead in transgressions and sins." We lived as spiritually dead when we followed the ways of this world and Satan. We lived like everyone else, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature, its desires and thoughts. We were by nature objects of God's wrath. A dead person can't look around and think for themselves. They can't make decisions. They can't make comparions. They can't change themselves from being dead to being alive. All a dead person can do is be dead.
  What changed us? How did we come alive from a position of deadness. God loved us! He is rich in mercy. He had compassion upon us and made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions. God is the Actor. We are the subjects of His Action of making us alive. We were dead in our transgressions, but God made us alive! We were saved by grace through faith. I remember my first Greek professor pointing out to me that the phrase "and this not from yourselves" refered to grace and faith. The gift that God gave us was His grace and faith to believe Him. It's the "gift" of God, not by our "works." No one can boast that they did anything to deserve, earn or have a right to salvation. God gets ALL the Glory!
  When a man asked Paul how to be saved, the great Apostle answered: "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved." "Believe" is pisteuson . It means to place your total confidence and trust in someone, to rely on what they say, to cling to it for our very lives. That's the part we play. God does everything. He has the Love. He has the Mercy. He has the Grace. He saves us even when we're dead in our transgressions. He gives us Grace. He gives us faith. It's His Gift to us! He gets the glory. We can't boast about anything because we didn't do anything, except believe in the Lord Jesus. God is the One Who brought us alive from the spiritually dead. I am what I am and have what I have because of God and only God. I take no credit. God gave me the desire to seek Him. God gave me the intelligence to ask questions. God gave me the ears to hear His message. God gave me a heart to understand and a mouth to confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. That certainly come from my spiritual deadness.
  "The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,' that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." (Romans 10:8-10)
  Who gives us the Word? Who places it in our mouth and heart? How can we confess that Jesus is Lord if our mouth is spiritually dead? How can we believe in our heart that God raised Jesus from the dead if our heart is spiritually dead? "God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved."
  Your definition of Total Depravity includes the idea that God "forces" salvation on people. He doesn't force us. He "gives" us salvation. He "gives" us the desire to listen, to hear and obey. It's a spiritual gift, not spiritual assault.
  Are we without hope if God does not act on our dead minds and hearts? Yes, we are doomed. We, like everyone else, are "by nature objects of wrath." God is the only one Who can make us alive. If He doesn't do it, no one else can.
2. Unconditional Election --- Everyone is going to hell. That's not God's choice. God chose to give us perfect lives in a perfect world. Adam chose to send us to hell by disobeying God's Law. God's choice was to save some. If God had chosen to save everyone, then everyone would be saved. God does everything He chooses to do. However, God did not "choose" to save everyone. He did not choose to save Cain. He sent Cain out into the world to wander and discover the wickedness of sin. God chose to save Adam. God chose to save Eve. God chose to save Seth. God chose to save Noah. God did NOT choose to save thousands and millions of people who have lived before and since Noah. God chose to save a group of people called Israel. God did NOT choose to save the rest of the world at that time. He allowed millions of people to die in their sins. In fact, God instructed Israel to kill tens of thousands of people which sent them straight to their eternal destination. God chooses to save people every day. He chooses NOT to save people every day. God is not responsible for their spiritual deaths. Everybody's already dead in transgressions and sins. Everyone is headed for hell and eternal death. What God does is show His mercy to some.
  God showed His Grace to the entire world by sending His Savior, Jesus Christ our Lord! Jesus hung on the cross for everyone from every generation to see. God showed the world His great love and mercy through His Eternal Son. However, God does NOT bring everyone alive from spiritual death. God does not raise up everyone with Christ and seat them with Christ in the heavenly realms. God does not place His Holy Spirit in everyone as a deposit guaranteeing their inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession. God does that ONLY to the saved. How does He choose who will be among the saved?
  Paul quotes God from the writings of Moses: "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." Paul goes on to write, "It does not, therefore depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy" (Romans 9:15-16) That's consistent with Ephesians 2. It's not by our works that we are saved. It's God's Grace and Mercy that save us. As He said, God will have mercy on whom He has mercy. Who He saves is up to Him and His Infinite Wisdom.
  Does that mean someone who wants to be saved can't be saved if God didn't choose them? That's ridiculous! Everyone is spiritually dead. How can a dead person WANT something. They can't. People don't want to be saved unless God is working in their hearts. God is the One Who gives people a desire to hear His Word and know about Jesus. Paul wrote, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame...Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
  What does that mean for Christians? If salvation is all of God, does that mean we have no responsibility in the matter? Nope. Paul wrote, "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news.'" (Romans 10:14-15) God does His Gracious Work of saving people. Our work is to tell everyone about it. God will do the rest.
3. Limited Atonement --- Who did Christ die for? "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly...God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:6-8) We see two things here: Christ died for the ungodly and He died for us. Everyone starts their life as an "ungodly." We were all sinners. Christ died for sinners. Paul is writing as a former "ungodly" to former "ungodlies" and says that "Christ died for us." Jesus told Nicodemus that "God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son." Christ came for the world. He died for the ungodly. He died for us. His blood redeems every person Who He saves. That's what's important.
4. Irresistable Grace --- Everyone is dead in transgressions and sins. They can't think, consider and choose unless God gives them life to do so. Dead people can't resist God's Grace. They can't resist Satan's lies. All a dead person can do is be dead. The spiritually dead follow the world, Satan and sin wherever they go. God puts life into the spiritually dead even when they were dead in transgressions. Spiritually dead people aren't going around looking for the Grace of God. They're gratifying the cravings of their sinful nature. They are following its desires and thoughts. That's all they can do. God, Who loves us and has mercy on us, makes us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions and sins--it is by grace we have been saved. God raises up the spiritual dead, makes them alive and seats them with Christ in the heavenly realms. Now, who is going to come alive from spiritual death, experience the love, mercy and grace of God and resist His gift? Why would they resist His gift? I find no room for someone God has saved to resist that salvation. People who resist salvation are dead people. They don't know what they're doing. They don't know what they're talking about. They don't know what they want. They don't know because they're dead in transgressions and sins.
5. Perseverance of the Saints --- You used the term "perseverance" of the saints, but your definition is "Those who are saved will live godly." The people God saves will persevere. They will make it to heaven. Not because of anything they do, but because of God's Power and Promise. "Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession--to the praise of his glory." (Eph. 1:13-14) The Holy Spirit has a very fundamental job. He enters into our bodies and places us into the Body of Christ. He stays in us as a deposit guaranteeing our eternal inheritance. The Holy Spirit will not fail in His duty. He will deliver every saint to eternal life. He will get us to the day of redemption. We are God's possession. God doesn't lose what's His.
  God chose us in Christ before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. Everything God planned to happen has happened. He knew us before He created the world. He "chose" us to be holy and blameless in His sight. We are holy and blameless in God's sight because the Holy Spirit has cleansed us from all sin. Christ's blood paid the eternal price for our sin. We are pure in God's sight. What we are in the sight of everyone else is another matter.
  You don't have to read very far in Paul's letters before you realize Christians have problems. We lie, cheat, steal, murder, backstab, gossip, rob, and fight with each other. We are selfish, sexually immoral and often without conscience towards others. It's not a pretty picture. Paul writes this about Christians: "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ , that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad." God judged our sins on Christ on the cross. The judgment Paul wrote about is Christ's judgment of what we did with our lives after He saved us. Some Christians do a lot of good. Some Christians do a lot of bad. But every Christian will get to heaven. Paul wrote about Christians building on what he had started. "By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. but each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames." (1 Cor. 3:10-15) Christians who waste their lives and think only of themselves will suffer great loss when they face Christ. However, they will be saved.
  Paul wrote that "Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness." (2 Tim. 2:19) That's our mission in life: to turn away from wickedness and be like Christ in holiness and purity. However, that's a mission that few Christians commit themselves to following. Even though we can get to heaven without committing ourselves to it, that's not smart. We should do what God says is right to do. He will reward each of us for the decisions we make and the paths we walk.
  The saved don't always live godly. That's a fact of life. It's a great goal. It's something we should aim for every day. But we don't always do what's right. We still have the "human" element to contend with each day. We live in corruptible bodies. We are perishable. We are fallible. But the day is coming when the perishable is raised imperishable, that which was sown in dishonor is raised in glory, that which was sown in weakness will be raised in power, that which was a natural body will be raised a spiritual body! On that great and glorious day, those who God made godly will live godly forever more!

I am not a Calvinist. I am not an Arminian. I am a child of God. I am a member of the Body of Christ.