A happily married couple discusses the husband's recent retirement.
Wife: You know...when you WORKED I had time to get some things DONE. But now that you're here with me ALL DAY LONG EVERY SINGLE DAY, well, I just don't seem to be able to accomplish ANYTHING!
Husband: What do you mean?
Wife: I MEAN I used to be able to have time to DO things. I had a big block of time to myself in which I could manage to actually DO things. But now that you're here WITH me every minute. I'm not myself.
Husband: I don't know what you mean!
Wife: You're right here with me and we can't communicate anymore. I feel helpless. I feel frustrated. I feel that my entire space has been invaded.
Husband: Well I like THAT! What did you expect? Did you think that I would work forever and you would just lollygag about here at home by yourself?
Wife: I don't like your tone at ALL.
Husband: And I don't like it that you don't like it that I'm at HOME. I live here you know, or at least I THOUGHT I did.
Wife: Oh good grief. Don't be that way!
Husband: What way is that? I'd like to know! What way is that?
Wife: I just don't know anymore. You seem so, I don't know.
Husband: What? Oh for Pete's sake! What are you saying?
Wife: I just don't know you anymore. Who ARE you, and what are you doing in MY house, at least what are you doing in my house at this time of the day? It's almost noon!
Husband: I'm here. I'm just here, waiting for lunch.
Wife: EXACTLY! See? That's my WHOLE point. You didn't used to BE HERE FOR LUNCH. And now I have to stop what I've just started doing after breakfast. I have to stop everything now and make lunch. It's so impossible. It's horrible. My day is ruined before it even gets started!
Husband: I could always go OUT to lunch.
Wife: Okay, where shall we go?
Husband: No I didn't mean YOU. You can't go. You have too much to do, to accomplish, to get DONE! (Beat) I think I might try that new Japanese place in town.
Wife: You are completely insufferable! And you've turned anti-social too.
Husband: Why is THAT? I'm TRYING to accommodate YOU! I'm TRYING to get out of your precious WAY.
Wife: Oh really! Well I've noticed just lately that you seem to be following me from room to room, and you are really irritating when you do that.
Husband: All right. I'll just be off then. Off to lunch, with no bother to you.
Wife: Wait just a minute! I've been wanting to try that new Japanese place too. I'm coming.
Husband: But you won't get anything DONE today.
Wife: It'll be okay! I never get anything done these days, ever since your big retirement. And when I DO set to work actually doing something, you seem to be right there at my elbow - supervising me. I can't stand it.
Husband: You need help. You need to get organized. You need to be more efficient with your time.
Wife: Gee whiz, how did I EVER manage without your input?
Husband: You must have been muddling through.
Wife: I've muddled through now for almost thirty years!
Husband: And I'm just trying to help.
Wife: You know, I feel so SORRY for those hundreds of men you supervised when you worked, poor fellows! I can see now that you must have been right at THEIR elbows too, watching for any slight inefficiency.
Husband: I was a great manager.
Wife: All those poor, poor fellows, really! My heart goes out to them.
Husband: I was RESPECTED by those hundreds of men!
Wife: Yes indeed, all of those poor devils... Just think of them... Ah, but, now, now it's just ME, isn't it?! After the management, AND I suspect the super-micro-management, you did of those hundreds of working stiffs, now it's just little old me that you have to supervise. (Beat) And I tell you that I'm being OVER managed. I'm being managed into a tight corner! I'm being squeezed, squeezed until I can't move, can't even breathe. Help!
Husband: NOW you're just being silly!
Wife: No, I'm being honest.
Husband: Being silly.
Wife: Being honest.
Husband: Just stop it! Do you want to come out to lunch with me or do you want me to go alone. (Beat) Well what is it? What will it be?
(Our happily married couple have their differences, but they always make up like honeymooners before the play ends.)