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Copyright © 2006  by  MOzark.


Standard Disclaimer

May contain traces of various nuts.  Quality maintained indefinitely if kept tightly closed and stored in a cool dry place.   Action figures sold separately. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Apply only to affected area.  At participating locations only. Avoid contact with mucous membranes. Avoid contact with skin.  Batteries not included. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Call toll free number before digging. Caveat emptor. Colors may fade. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Contents may settle during shipment. Disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that are not covered in the joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, flying projectiles, or dropping the item. Does not cover suicide committed in the first two years except in Missouri.  For a limited time only. For external use only. For off-road use only. For office use only. For private use only. For recreational use only. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use. If condition persists, consult your physician. If defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a doctor. Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes. Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children. Keep cool; process promptly. Limit one-per-family please. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery.  May be too intense for some viewers. Must be 18 to enter. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. No animals were harmed in the production of these documents. No Canadian coins. No money down. No other warranty expressed or implied. No passes accepted for this engagement. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. No preservatives added. No purchase necessary. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavor added. No shoes, no shirt, no service, no kidding. No solicitors. No substitutions allowed. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. No user-serviceable parts inside. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Not liable for damages due to use or misuse. Not recommended for children. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Not responsible for typographical errors. Not the Beatles. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. One size fits all. Other copyright laws for specific entries apply wherever noted. Other restrictions may apply. Package sold by weight, not volume. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Penalty for early withdrawal. Place stamp here. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Post Office will not deliver without postage. Postage will be paid by addressee. Prerecorded for this time zone. Price does not include taxes. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Read at your own risk. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Replace with same type. Reproduction strictly prohibited. Reproduced by permission. Restaurant package, not for resale. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Ribbed for your pleasure. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sanitized for your protection. Sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken. See label for sequence. Shading within a garment may occur. Sign here without admitting guilt. Simulated picture. Slightly enlarged to show detail. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Slippery when wet. Smoking these may be hazardous to your health. Some assembly required. Some equipment shown is optional. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Subject to change without notice. Subject to FCC approval. Substantial Text may contain material some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Text used in these documents is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles. Recycle when possible and required by law. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh. These documents do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, nor my dog.  This is not an offer to sell securities. Use no hooks. This offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Times approximate.  Use only as directed. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Use other side for additional listings. User assumes full liabilities. Void where prohibited. Warranty void if serviced by unauthorized personnel. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. You must be present to win. Your canceled check is your receipt. Your mileage may vary.  New area codes may have been added since this page was printed.  This information is not intended to take the place of discussions between you and your doctor. 

 This supersedes all previous notices.