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* TITLE: Beyond the Abyss
* AUTHOR: Redbyrd
* EMAIL: redbyrd (at) mindspring (dot) com
* RATING: PG
* CATEGORY: drama, missing scene
* SUMMARY: Tag and missing scenes for Abyss. What happened to Kanan after he abandoned Jack to Ba'al's tender mercies? Sequel to "Before the Abyss"
* SPOILERS: Abyss
* AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hadn't actually planned to write a sequel, but once the question was asked, I started wondering myself. So: This is for Lee, who wanted to know what happened to Kanan.
* DISCLAIMER:
The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.
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Kanan had known that getting through the gate was going to be the hardest part, but he hadn't expected to have to bluff his way through an entire troop of Jaffa including Ba'al's first prime. Kanan promptly zatted him and broke right. If he'd learned anything from Jack O'Neill, it was that there was no such thing as hopeless.
The outpost was in darkness, that was in their favor. He drew on O'Neill's special ops experience, dodging right, then left to fling himself into the brush while the staff weapon blasts hit a few feet beyond his original path. Even with his centuries of experience, Kanan had been most often involved in infiltration and intrigue. O'Neill's memories of pitched combat amazed and fascinated him. That someone with such a short lifespan would consider flinging it away in an instant of reckless courage was incredible. Or perhaps it was because a Tok'ra had such a long lifespan that they were so reluctant to gamble with their lives. It astonished him that he had found so much to admire in his host, who'd experienced barely a twentieth of the lifespan that Kanan had.
Kanan deeply regretted that O'Neill found the idea of blending so abhorrent. His fear and panic had nearly killed them both. Kanan had shared with him only the smallest amount of his own memory to avoid setting off spasms of violent resistance. Crouching in the bushes in perfect stillness while he waited for the Jaffa to pass him by, Kanan absently wondered if he had done the right thing, taking O'Neill out of the Tok'ra base in the dead of night to try and rescue Shallan. Then he dismissed his doubts. Nobody gets left behind. That was O'Neill's rule. Kanan was sure that O'Neill would have agreed to this had he been aware enough to ask. He felt another stirring of uneasiness that O'Neill was so quiescent. But the Jaffa had moved on and so must he. Kanan left his cover and moved as quietly as he could away from the outpost. The secret passage that Shallan had used to help him escape was very close, and few of the Jaffa knew about it. If he could just reach that-
There was a sharp crack a few feet away and a motion in the brush, as if some nocturnal animal had been startled into flight. Kanan froze, but the Jaffa turned toward the sound to investigate it. Kanan ran, but there were too many of them.
The blast hit his body like a bomb and Kanan knew his host was dying, his injuries beyond anything Kanan could heal. Chances were that Ba'al would revive him for questioning, but that would leave both Jack and Kanan trapped with no means of escape. Not to mention that he didn't dare let Ba'al put the two of them in a sarcophagus in their only partially blended state. He had no idea what it would do. Without conscious thought, he was extracting himself from his host, feeling Jack die as he slithered away into the mud. He managed to evade the approaching Jaffa in the darkness and followed a tiny rivulet down to a stream. By the time he had eased himself into a stream big enough to hide in, Kanan was exhausted. He curled himself around a root protruding into the stream so he wouldn't drift too far while he slept, then gave in to exhaustion.
#
When Kanan awoke, he briefly panicked. What was he doing alone in this stream with no host in sight? He must have been insane. But if he had been captured, Ba'al would have tortured them and Shallan would have been condemned out of his own mouth. Besides, Jack would have said, 'where there's life, there's hope' and Kanan wasn't dead yet. Kanan would have scoffed at that as unwarranted optimism if Jack's memories hadn't told him that the human had faced situations just as hopeless and survived.
Kanan decided that there was no point in giving up just yet. 'What do I have, what do I need?' he asked himself. He'd have shaken his head if he still had a human body. No wonder the Tau'ri had enjoyed such unprecedented success. They were tough, pragmatic, and stubborn beyond the limits of reason. He'd heard people suggest that Selmak was being influenced too much by his latest host, Jacob. But his blending with O'Neill had shown Kanan just how much they could learn from the Tau'ri.
What he had- water and himself. What he needed was a host and time. Time he didn't have, he knew. A Tok'ra could survive in water for a few days without a host, but without the electric field generated by a living body, he'd become steadily weaker. It was too much to hope that the waters of this world would have a similar field, though there were worlds where it was known to be present.
A host. That was going to be a problem. He couldn't find a willing host if he couldn't talk to them about the blending. And he couldn't talk to anyone in his present state. If he could find someone who was dying, perhaps he could blend first and discuss it afterward. 'Easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission.' Jack's memory whispered. If Jack had been restored to life by Ba'al, than Kanan had to rescue him as well as Shallan. Nobody gets left behind. Kanan wondered suddenly if he could blend with an animal. There were legends of such things. It would solve the ethical problem at least.
But first he had to find any potential host, animal or human.
#
Kanan felt like he had been swimming for days, but it had been mere hours. He'd found himself keeping to the smaller streams, as the larger ones were inhabited by quite aggressive fish, who seemed to think the Tok'ra looked appetizing. The increasing weakness was worrying, however, because it meant he had less time to find a host of any sort than he had expected.
A shadow passed over the surface of the water, and Kanan sensed the heat and warmth of a big animal overhead. This was the biggest animal he'd seen yet, some sort of feline. Kanan hesitated. He'd hoped for something a bit more humanoid, like one of the creatures Jack called monkeys. But the decision was made for him as a large clawed paw scooped him neatly from the water toward a mouth lined with sharp carnivorous teeth.
Kanan squirmed frantically, seriously wounded by the impaling claws. He couldn't risk going into the mouth. The big cat would almost certainly bite down and he'd be half the snake he used to be. He managed to get loose just as the cat brought him to its mouth. It probably would have been on him instantly if he had done what it expected and tried to escape, but he struck for the side of the neck, biting down and burrowing instinctively. The cat reared back and let out a roar of pain but the swiping claws weren't fast enough to stop Kanan burrowing into the living flesh. Exhausted, he curled against the cat's spine and started puzzling out how to connect himself to the cat's nervous system.
#
Between his wounds and the difficulty of understanding such a different lifeform, the blending had taken days to complete. Kanan worried constantly about what was going on in the fortress. Ba'al was considered cruel even by Goa'uld standards. He hated to think of Jack and Shallan in his hands. But it had been much harder than he had expected to assimilate the cat's alien memories. Finally he had enough control over the feline to direct her wanderings back toward Ba'al's outpost.
He observed the Jaffa closely, correlating the guard changes with the schedules he remembered from the months that he had spent infiltrating the base. They were still more alert than he would have liked following his own invasion of the base. The biggest problem that he could see was that they were too ready to take potshots at the local wildlife in daylight. He crouched in the bushes overlooking the exit of the secret tunnel and waited for darkness.
#
Kanan had just risen from his hiding place and started to move toward the secret entrance when the stargate activated. He sank back into hiding. The Jaffa had turned to the gate. A pair of cylinders hissing white smoke plonked out onto the stone platform. One of the Jaffa fired his staff weapon and a cloud of white enveloped the clearing. Then there were dark figures moving through the smoke and the chatter of what Kanan recognized as automatic weapons from Jack's memories. His admiration for the Tau'ri reached new heights. He couldn't imagine how they had known to come here, but the only reason for it would be to rescue Jack. Kanan hoped that that meant he was still alive. Without another moment's consideration, Kanan ran for the secret passageway. He wished he could lead a detachment of Tau'ri straight into the heart of Ba'al's outpost, but he didn't think he could make the Tau'ri understand who he was without getting shot.
The controls gave him some trouble, but he was able to manipulate them despite having paws instead of hands. He ran swiftly through the dark hall, the dim lights more than sufficient for his night-adapted eyes. At the end of the passage, he exited in a dark alcove. There was a Jaffa stationed in the hall. Kanan recognized him as one of the First Prime's lieutenants. Paws silent on the metal floor, Kanan leaped, closing his teeth on the nape of the Jaffa's neck. The man got out a strangled scream, but the cat's powerful jaws crushed the spine before he could take effective action.
He could hear the sounds of battle and someone screamed, "Lord Yu attacks!" The lights flickered as the main power plant failed, and backups came on.
Kanan felt the rush of hot coppery blood in his mouth and had to fight down the predator's instinct to rend and feed. He managed to close his teeth on the back of the Jaffa's uniform and drag him into a chamber off the main corridor and then nudged the staff weapon after him with his nose. A pity he couldn't use it with paws instead of his hands, but so far the cat's natural weapons had served him well. He padded in the direction of the cells.
Ahead of him he heard a zat and the distinctive sound of Jaffa armor clanking as it hit the ground. Kanan's heart leapt. He'd expected to have to break Jack out of his cell. Could it really be...?
He concealed himself in an alcove, and saw to his astonishment and elation that not only was it Jack, with a zat in hand, but Shallon was leading him toward the escape tunnel. They passed him, Jack firing to cover their retreat. Kanan crouched in hiding, frozen in place by the same problem he'd had with the Tau'ri forces. He didn't want Jack to mistake him for a wild animal, or worse a guard beast, and zat him. Two Jaffa pursued the Tau'ri and the lotar, ducking behind pillars as Jack fired to slow them up. Kanan's lips drew back from his teeth in a silent snarl. Those he could do something about.
#
Kanan dragged himself painfully down the hall. He'd been successful in distracting the two Jaffa from following Jack and Shallan, but the second one had gotten off two shots at the cat before Kanan had ripped out his throat. On the positive side, Kanan was almost certain that O'Neill and Shallan had made it to the escape tunnel unhindered. Kanan was deeply grateful that the Tau'ri had survived. He had felt great guilt and remorse over the human's capture by Ba'al. Mind, he wasn't altogether certain that he was going to make it out of this one. The cat was gravely wounded. Kanan needed to find a place to hide and rest up if he was going to live.
He found his way down into a collapsed storage level, hit by one of Yu's al'kesh. He crawled into a ruined room, the closeness reminding him of the cave that was the cat's normal den. As he moved further in, he could smell blood.
"Who's there?" called a fearful voice.
It was too dark even for Kanan's feline eyes to see much, but his sense of smell told him that it was a female. His Goa'uld senses told him that she wasn't a host or Jaffa. She shrank against the back wall, whimpering in pain. Kanan limped closer, and licked her cheek. Her hands touched his soft fur gingerly. "Oh." She breathed. "Are you the spirit cat of Averow?"
Kanan had never heard of the spirit cat of Averow, but it didn't sound like a bad thing, so he licked her cheek again, and then sniffed her all over. Blood. Too much blood. As he examined her, her hand loosened in his fur and she passed out. Kanan sat back on his haunches. He had to make a choice. He had no way to ask her if she would consent to a blending. But he was pretty sure she would die if she did not receive help. He couldn't try to attract attention to her. Even if he could do it without being shot, Ba'al's people would never bother with the sarcophagus for one such as this. And Kanan's own cat-host was also dying.
'Easier to beg forgiveness than get permission.' He thought humorously, particularly given his present inability to communicate. He nosed the woman's mouth open and lay down beside her.
#
Kanan kept his own thoughts still and separate as Tosca opened her eyes. Dark, it was still dark, but there was a miraculous absence of pain, though she still felt distressingly weak. Her small calloused hand was buried in soft fur. She remembered thinking of the spirit cat .. As soon as she started remembering, cascades of visions fell through her head. Herself, in bed with the lotar, Shallan. A tall man with silver hair sweating on a bed, a shot ringing out and her son.. She opened her mouth to scream- Kanan took control of the body before she could yell.
//Tosca, be calm.// He said. //Please, I am Kanan. You have nothing to fear.// He felt a certain apprehension as to her reaction. The last time he had done this, it hadn't gone so well.
Tosca could feel her breath slowing and evening without her volition. She tried to speak and found she could. "Who are you?"
//I am Kanan.// He repeated. //I am Tok'ra.// As simply as possible, he showed her memories, of what he was, what the goa'uld were. Her state when he found her. //It is not the Tok'ra way to blend without permission,// he told her, //but I had no voice with which to ask, and you were unconscious and could not answer. I tell you now that if you do not wish this, I will leave you, even though it will be my death.//
"You couldn't go into someone else?" the woman asked curiously.
//Even if I could find someone,// Kanan replied, //I have blended three times in a week. I ought to be dead now. I doubt I could live through another.//
"And you are a god?" the woman was wide-eyed with astonishment. She was nearly overwhelmed by the rush of new memories. "No- " she realized slowly. "You are not- and neither is Lord Ba'al?!"
With her mention of Ba'al's name, came a surge of hatred and Kanan felt her memories, her sorrow. Another slave and her friend, killed on a whim of the master. Others beaten or taken for bed-toys by Ba'al or in his name. //No, Ba'al is no god.// Kanan told her. //My people fight him and the other goa'uld lords.//
''Then I will help you." Tosca said determinedly. The rush of memories told her that goa'uld could be fought, could be beaten. Kanan remembered with her two motherships exploding in orbit over the First World, a fleet dying in the fire of an exploding sun. "What do I have to do?"
#
As it turned out, neither of them had to do a lot. When they crawled out of the ruined fortress, they found that Ba'al was in full retreat through the stargate. In the confusion no one noticed that one of the human slaves was blended. Tosca threaded her way through the chaos to find another slave she knew.
"Gerryl!" she greeted the scruffy boy. "What's going on?"
"What's going on?!" Gerryl echoed incredulously. "Tosca, where have you been?"
"A beam came down on me." She told him touching her head, still crusted with dried blood, though the skin underneath was now whole. "I just now woke up."
"It has been two days since the attack!" He said.
"Oh!" Tosca and Kanan were both surprised. "Well, that explains it." She continued after a moment. "But please tell me-"
"Lord Yu attacked," the boy told her. "Both by ship and through the chappa'ai. Though some of the jaffa are saying that the people who attacked through the chappa'ai were the Tau'ri.. They severely damaged the fortress. Lord Ba'al beat them off, but we are closing down this outpost and moving through the chappa'ai to a new place."
//I doubt Ba'al beat them off.// Kanan told Tosca. //Probably he retreated as soon as he saw that he had done substantial damage. This place was mainly useful because it was secret. Now it is secret no longer. Ask him about Shallan and Jack.//
"Where is the lotar?" Tosca asked.
Gerryl's eyes gleamed and he leaned in to report a juicy piece of gossip. "She ran away with a prisoner. A jaffa saw she and the prisoner leave through the chappa'ai with the attacking forces. The First Prime had to tell Lord Ba'al that she escaped. He was infuriated."
//Nobody gets left behind! Jack, you sneaky sonofabitch!// Kanan exulted. He could feel Tosca roll her eyes as she excused herself. He smiled inwardly, pleased to find that he liked his new host. Tosca had a practical and acerbic turn of thought, and was adapting with amazing speed to having Kanan in her head. Surviving as a slave in Ba'al's service had taught her to keep her head down and her wits about her, but it hadn't succeeded in crushing her spirit.
After that, it was easy. They scrounged as much food as they could carry in the confusion of the evacuation, and faded into the forest. They planned to wait a couple of weeks, and then escape through the hopefully abandoned stargate.
Using the few tools Tosca had been able to assemble, Kanan and Tosca both learned how to build a crude shelter together, again drawing on Jack's memories.
"A useful kind of man," Tosca said, smiling as she sat down in front of their tiny campfire. "How-" Her smile faded as she remembered how he had fought the blending. She sounded shocked. "I thought you said that you never forced-" She stopped. "I should just be quiet and remember this, shouldn't I?"
//Asking the question is it's own answer.// Kanan said. //Jack had a very hard time with the blending.//
Tosca sat thoughtfully for a moment. "I don't understand why you brought him here. I thought- I remember that he only agreed to serve as a temporary host."
//He did. But I couldn't leave Shallan. Nobody gets left behind. Jack understood that.//
Tosca explored the new memories. "Yes, that was his rule. But he didn't leave Shallan behind."
Kanan thought it through. //Logically you are right.// he thought slowly, //but.. I *know* I did the right thing.// He was very confused. Tosca was right, Jack had nothing to do with Shallan. Kanan had had no right to remove Jack's body from the base. But the emotions driving him had been too imperative to ignore.
"You were here months ago." Tosca said. "Why didn't you try to rescue Shallan then?"
//I'm not sure-// Kanan admitted. //It was after I blended with-// he was swallowed by a crashing sense of horror. //Oh, no, what have I done?// Jack O'Neill had never agreed to help with this rescue mission. True, Jack never left anyone behind, but there was no guarantee that he would have agreed to help Kanan. And Kanan hadn't asked. Couldn't have asked. Jack had been near-catatonic after the trauma of the blending. His last memory had been passing out on Earth. His next would have been waking up in Ba'al's sarcophagus. The revulsion swelled in his throat.
Tosca spoke sharply. "Kanan, stop it. That's my stomach you're about to throw up with." Kanan obediently clamped down on the nausea reflex, and she sighed as her stomach settled. "Okay, better. Listen. Jack was dying when you blended, right?"
//Yes.// Kanan admitted numbly.
"And we just found out that he got away, probably rescued by his own people, right?" Tosca asked.
//Yes.//
Tosca groped for a suitable expression. "Well, no harm, no foul, right? He had a bad time, but he survived, which he wouldn't have without your help. At least he's alive to be angry. You can apologize the next time you see him. What was that phrase of his?"
//Easier to beg forgiveness than get permission.// Kanan said softly. Somehow, he didn't think Jack was going to see it that way. He still didn't understand quite what had happened. It was as if in the struggle to blend, he had absorbed some of Jack's ideals, his code of honor, into his own unconscious, so deeply he did not recognize the source of the feelings. He ought to be horrified to have lost control of his mind this way. Oddly he did not. He felt deep revulsion at the wrong he had unwittingly done Jack, but he couldn't regret the turn of chance that had led him to accept the man's values as his own. But Jack O'Neill wasn't going to be the sort to just forgive and forget. Ashamedly, Kanan knew that he would have to seek out the colonel and face the consequences of his actions. He owed Jack an enormous debt.
"We both do. If you hadn't been here, I'd be dead." Tosca said. "We'll find him. Together."
Kanan took some comfort in Tosca's sturdy optimism. In his two thousand year lifespan, he'd had a dozen hosts, but he'd never felt as humbled and respectful of humans as he did now. The Tok'ra had a tendency to arrogance, he realized, fuelled by their long lives and diverse experience. Perhaps they should try to remember more often that despite the benefits to the host, it was only thanks to the intelligence and adaptability of these extraordinary beings that the Tok'ra had survived and prosecuted their war. //Together, my friend.// he agreed.
##
I want to write one more story in this series- planned title is "To Beg Forgiveness". It may be a while before it is done though, as I have only the sketchiest idea what's going to happen. All I know for sure is that Kanan owes Jack a *huge* apology!