CHOCOLATE
Lyrics by Virginia Taylor
Tune: "The Marvelous Little Toy" by Tom Paxton

Nutritionists have warned me that I am just what I eat
And if I would be healthy I should only eat lean meat.
I must eat lots of vegetables, drink milk, eat fruit and bread,
But when I do I find most days I'd rather stay in bed.

Balancing my calories I plan out all my meals
And I'm not really hungry. No, that's just the way it feels.
One apple, small, a slice of toast, no butter I regret.
This would go down more easily if it were choco-let.

CHORUS: It goes crunch when it's hard and squish when it's soft 
And splash when it's hot fudge,
My sweet-tooth just can't get enough
But fat cells hold a grudge.

At night I dream of fudge and cake and Easter Bunny ears
And ice cream sundaes haunt me for this diet may take years.
And even if I lose the pounds there will be no respite
For I will gain them all right back if I touch choco-lit.

CHORUS

I wonder if it's worth the pain and cravings I endure
But giving up my M+Ms may be the only cure,
Along with daily exercise to get me into shape.
If I can't have a candybar I'll eat Jane Fonda's tape!

(spoken): Did you ever notice that VCR tape is the same color as chocolate?

CHORUS

If I don't get some chocolate soon I'm sure that I will die.
My diet lasted half an hour. It was an honest try.
When Toll-house cookies smell so good, I can't resist the bait.
Just like a fish, I'm truly hooked, and it's too choco-late!

ALTERNATIVE FINAL CHORUS (to "Waltzing Matilda"):
Thinking of chocolate, thinking of chocolate 
Thinking of chocolate makes me put on weight.
And I sing as I'm jogging to the corner candy store
Thinking of chocolate makes me put on weight.