Number of Bewildered People who have read this ISSUE -

Official Bored Meeting held March 20 - 21

San Clemente Bored Rooms

Beverly Hills, Daffy, Huey and Dewey cornered majority stake, proxies were absent, a vote was taken and Pooh has been elected Chairman of the Smorgasboard.

She cooked for the bored and exhausted, fed them with Italian. For the March meeting, Beer (Corona with lime) was the official drink instead of Margarita. In the Beakers absence, no official laboratory tests were conducted, so official results are pending.

To avoid future takeovers, it is recommended that you all be present at the next meeting to vote in person.

Until then, WTP is the Chairman and CEO.

Of all endangered species, the Scuba Ant is the one most worth saving. They are the only one of the countless varieties of ants that live and work and play underwater! They have adapted to the constant flooding and shifting of the tides in Galveston by learning to "return to the sea."

How do they do it? They have constructed small air tanks and strapped them to their backs! Imagine the technological ability these ants possess. We must preserve the species - there is much we can learn from them.

Dr. Bill, a PhD and world renown author, states, "Except for man, these tiny creatures may be the only others on the planet that have technological skills. We need not only to study them, but also to try to communicate with them. They might have discovered solutions to man kind's most pressing problems. For example they may have discovered the solution to overuse of credit cards by middle class society - the dreaded "put it on my bill" syndrome."

We would most certainly hope to learn the mystery of the ancient monument built to the turtle god found on the beach at Galveston. "We believe that the Scuba Ants built this monument in times long ago," reports Beaker who has spent countless billable hours studying the ants and their society, "I believe, with adequate funding and ample donations to this worthy cause, that I can study this problem for years."

While many scientists doubt that the Scuba Ants could have possibly built this structure, many thousand times the size of a single ant, the Society remains convinced. Beaker is also unpreturbed by the size question. "We believe the Scuba Ants built miniture bulldozers and other earth movers to consturct this monument to their primitive god. In this aerial photo you can see the little roads they built," Beaker explains.

The bottom line is we don't know how to save the ants from extinction. The Society of the Bewildered (SOB's) has single-handedly dedicated its time and money to this major crisis. Here a group of Society Scientists brave the blinding heat, freezing winds, endless rain, tornados, snow. sleet, hail, lack of perfect margaritas, and other hardships to study the ants. Clearly the Society needs and deserves your help.

The WIZARD, fkap states, "We don't know how we will save the ants. But we believe that money is the answer. If you all give us enough money, we'll give you a bunch of answers. Send your donations to the "Ease the Ants Situation Yourself while Making Our Needs Everybody's Yearn (E.A.S.Y. M.O.N.E.Y.). Progress will come as your money pours in.

It is rumored that the ants have computers and are on the Internet. They obviously have a clear advantage in miniaturization. They NEVER miss an issue of the BEWILDERED GAZETTE.

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