The Rules for Dating
|I created these rules while I was in a relationship.
Interestingly, after my partner died I found that I broke half of them. Go figure.
So now, I have added in red what I currently think. LOL
1) As much as possible try to choose persons who have something in common with you besides being gay.
that most of the time you share dinner and entertainment expenses. If you do not,
then one of you will be taking advantage of the other.
3) Take note that a relationship that does not develop sparks between the two of you inside 3 months will probably not ever develop that way. A genuine discussion of desires for the relationship should take place at that time to assess whether it merits being continued. We all have friends. When we are dating we are looking for a lover and/or a spouse.
We have all me people that we really fall "head over heels for" but for whom the feeling is just not reciprocal. You are "beating a dead horse" by going on.
4) Needy people will drag you down. Avoid them. Avoid being one of them. Get a therapist. Spend your money on fixing yourself before you try to "get fixed up" with someone else.
5) Do not get involved with a straight person. Straight people sometimes want to know "what it is" to be gay so they "try" it out. Mark my words. They always go back to the straight life. They will break your heart.
I still suspect that this is true. However, the
question of what a straight person is comes up. So many men and women marry and have
children at an early age because it is the thing to do. Then before they can catch
their breath after their children are teenagers or beyond, they suddenly realize that they
are not happy. Some are unhappy because they are no longer in love with
their spouses. Others are unhappy because they realize that they never were.
And I suspect some are just happy but rejected by their spouses.
I think that the real question is can the person behave in a mature manner dealing with their current responsibilities and still offer themselves in a committed way to someone new regardless of gender? If so, then go for it!
And can you accept, with patience, the patently difficult times ahead? especially if there are children? Can you deal with the back lash of disapproval that is bound to be heaped on you by their family? (It is all your fault he/she has turned gay!)
Just a few things to think about.
6) Drugs are usually the ruination of any relationship.(Excessive use)
7) While sex is not everything, your relationship can not last without it in
some form otherwise you are just friends.
8) Since sex is not everything, your relationship can not evolve without some
other kinds of mutual interests.
9) Learn all you can about the other persons prior relationships. A person in their mid thirties or forties who has never been able to stay in a relationship for any length of time may never be able to stay in one.
Some people who have been in lengthy relationships and tried new relationships may have reached a point in which they do not want to try any more to have a relationship with anyone. They have given up. You may have to back off from this person.
10) Find who did the breaking up in the other person's relationships. A person who has had a long string of relationships in which either they were always dumped or they always did the dumping is a red flag. They may need counseling or be unable to maintain a commitment. Either way there will be a lot of "baggage" to deal with.
11) The person you are dating should have a job. Check this out first.
12) The person you are dating should have an education commensurate with yours.