The first thing that needs to be determined is if there is an unhealthy reason for not choosing a person of ones similar age. This would be true of the predatory adult who needs to control and manipulate another person and therefore seeks a weaker type of person who sometimes is also younger. This type of predatory person is dangerous and may be violent.

Now, having said that I must say that my own mother married a man 10 years her senior and was quite happy. She was widowed at 51 though. And an older friend of mine married a man 20 years her senior and she was very happy! So it can work.

What do you need to think about in such a situation? Well, most of the time the older person will miss having a person to share generational things(like songs that were popular when they were 15 etc.). The two people need to be certain that they have common interests and goals. This is very important.

I have known people who are almost like chameleons in their likes, interests and attitudes. These people will change all their views to match the person whom they are dating.

You want a person who can contribute to your life-not duplicate yours.

You never want to get involved in a rescue mission. This occurs when you want to show the person the world, or save them from something. If you want to help, help. Don't get INVOLVED. If you play rescuer, you will generally end up the victim.

You want to be certain that the person with whom you are getting involved shares a similar lifestyle. There are always adjustment problems in every relationship so don't get excited about every little problem. However, if one of you wants to go out every night and the other wants to stay home every night, neither will be happy. You may find a compromise. The question is " How long will the compromise last?"

If you are bound and determined to have this relationship work and the other party is just as determined as you, then you can make it work. The most important thing is being realistic and reasonable.

It is the fear that one will be found out that governs one’s life. It is the belief that telling anyone would be a sheer disaster. Whether or not this is true remains to be seen. Nevertheless the torment that one feels is sometimes overwhelming.

It is this very fear that often leads to lying to family, friends, and co-workers. It is this lying that leads to alienation from friends and co-workers. This is due to the feeling that one never really knows if one would be accepted for whom they really are.

I suspect that those who ‘discover’ that they are gay in their twenties suffer as well. The major difference is that those of us, who have known all along that we were gay, have dealt with it longer.

If you are straight, then imagine this:

What if most of the people were gay and only a few were straight and it was socially unacceptable to be straight?

You are just beginning to feel interested in the opposite sex.

What if you can not tell anyone about your crushes?

How would you find a person of the opposite sex who would be interested in you?

What if you can not look too long or lean too close to your lover for fear that you would be noticed?

What would you do?

You do the best you can. You spend many, many lonely nights. When you talk to people that you find interesting you ask telling questions, talk about diversity, openness. You hope to find a kindred soul. Trust me; you are not hoping to convert anyone. You just want a friend. You also want a lover someday (soon) who is someone who chooses you.

Ah but we do work it out, gradually. And we eventually go to work. Only, we find out that we can be fired by our bosses if they find out. Oh, even if they only guess, the boss may just make life hell for you. You find that the work hours that you are assigned are the worst. You notice that your evaluations go gradually down. And you have been working as hard or harder. You ask your boss but he doesn’t give you a valid answer. And so it goes..

This all plays out in the mind of the young gay male or lesbian. It effects each of us differently. Some of us withdraw, withdraw withdraw. Some of us spend our lives in and out of therapy either trying to become straight of trying to accept our being gay. Some of us go on the offensive. There are some very hostile members of our group. They probably have good reason to be hostile. The hostile ones are in the minority. Most of us just quietly live our lives choosing our friends very carefully and going about our business discretely. You don't notice us much unless we write web pages. ;-)

By the way, as I child, I hated the words lesbian and queer. I had been so completely socialized that I bought into the whole hate thing. And I hated myself. It wasn't until my 40's that I even knew any queers. Some of them just called themselves queer. And laughed. They had adjusted, accepted themselves and moved on to other things. It was through them that I learned to accept myself. But I still have the fear.

None of us ever forgets the torment or the fear. None of us is ever completely free of the fear that one day some angry straight person will try to harm us just because we are queer.

But then, in our society, just about anyone is a target anymore.

Gay establishments do not generally lend themselves to easy access. A person in a wheelchair will find some difficulty in being able to go to a gay bar or a gay restaurant. This is changing gradually. Most gay places have too little money to provide access.

The Otherside lounges in Atlanta, and Orlando and Ft. Lauderdale are exceptions.

I do not know a lot about the personal problems of hearing impaired, visually or mobility challenged persons.

I am growing older though and things happen as you grow older. I have a great deal of difficulty with stairs. I do not think of these problems as other people's problems. I think of them as my problems.

This then goes to the question of what are the moral and ethical issues relating to physically challenged persons and their associates?

There are those who say that a physical challenged person is being challenged by God for some reason.

1. My God restores humans to complete use of the body and soul. Don't even begin with the old God's retribution stuff. So much for morality.

2. If you are physically challenged, you are having to struggle with one more thing in life. Still someone else is having to struggle with yet another. As humans, the most important thing that we must master is relationships: relationships between ourselves and God, relationships between ourselves and others, and so on.

From the standpoint of the non-physically challenged, you must try to grow toward mastering the acceptance, love and interaction with all persons including the handicapped.

From the standpoint of the physically challenged, you must try to grow toward mastering acceptance, love and interaction with all persons including those who are not handicapped. And as you grow try to rise above the prejudice and ugliness that you could not have helped but seeing and forgive those who are unkind to you.

You have yet another challenge. Yours is to teach and educate others about yourself. You have a lot to offer. Show the world that God doesn't make junk! Not gay junk! Not handicapped junk! Not gay and handicapped junk!

A parallel but not as striking example is the same lack of concern or interest that women's diseases have had.

Historically, the fight against disease has been a personal and political one.  Those with power and money were able to invest in research and medicines to prevent or cure disease. 

Historically also, there have always been those persons who, for whatever reason,  enjoyed our misfortune.  Shame, shame!!!

On the level of ethics and moralty, it is my personal opinion that no person, including gay and lesbian persons, ever deserve illness or death for merely being who they are.  It is further astounding that any illness is tolerated. 

While we as a society still are seeking cures for cancer, heart disease and numerous other cripling, debilitating and fatal diseases, the needs of our community must not be ignored. We must support our community in the fight against aids, breast cancer and all forms of disease..