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In family matters, we must each make our own path. No one could or should tell you how to handle your own family. If you have struggled with your gayness as most of us do, then it has been difficult for you to accept. In fact, you may have denied and denied that you were gay not really accepting it yourself. This does not mean that you should feel ashamed for being gay.That is what PRIDE is about.

Even so, you must realize that if it has been difficult for you, then it would and will be difficult for them. I believe that I have a story that illustrates this point.

She had been in a relationship in high school always pretending that it was a person of the opposite sex. Later, in college she met the person with whom she was to remain for the next 20 years. The relationship was heated for a few years but then it dwindled until they were intimate friends but not lovers. For the first several years, they had rented a house but after several years, they moved into her mother's home and lived in the upstairs. They never talked about their relationship. They never could even admit that they were lesbians. She had always been so outgoing and her lover had been quiet and retiring. There were some gay bars nearby but they were frequented by males or so it seemed. Finally after nearly 20 years, they learned about a female bar. They went there each looking for a new relationship. Her lover began staying at the bar every night and closing the bar. This was different but after all these years, it was not too surprising. One night, as she was sitting in the den with her mother, the question of where her "friend" was came up. "Oh, she is out with friends." she said. They sat silent for a moment, rocking in the old lazy boys watching television. Her mother said, "Is she gay?" The daughter still rocking responded ,"Could be." The mother then asked "Are you gay?" She replied, "Could be." At this, her mother said, "I have thought but never asked. I thought that you might need a friend to talk to about things now and I want to be there for you."

Now this break-through was the beginning of a transition into a wholesome and healthy relationship with her mother. This was a situation in which the daughter feared losing the love of a parent and at the same time respected the conditions of society at the time.

You may feel that blasting your parents with an announcement that you are gay is the only way to handle it. However, I think that it is best to think it through a little bit more. There is no need to bring these things up unless you think it will improve your relationship with them. Parents do not understand what you are feeling. They only know what society and their churches tell them to think about homosexuality. Sure you are angry. No it should not be that way but it is.

So you are bound and determined to do it anyway. Then be certain that you have finished school and have a job and a place to live. This is because you must be prepared for your parent to reject you. It is a rare family that can handle this easily.

They will think that they did something wrong or that you are going through a faze or that someone abused you or that you have just had a bad relationship or that all you need to do is get a good lay by a person of the opposite sex.

When a parent learns about his child's homosexuality, the parent goes through the same stages that a parent goes through in grieving for a lost child. The parent goes through denial and then anger and so on. You must allow this to happen with love in you heart because at the end of it all, if they ever really loved you, they will still love you. But this time you will be their new child, a homosexual child.

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Some other Parents-another true but gripping story