DEWEY VILE "The Evil Professor"– From the north, sleeps with his dogs, wears steel toe boots for “utility purposes”, drives in the rain with the windows down, DO NOT cut in front of him at the bar, hates to be without a hanky when he has a cold, cannot get enough of Russ Meyer films, cuts the crust off his sandwiches, likes to have a smoke whilst taking a shower. "I'll warp your bleedin' cranium wif me guitar! Eat shite Keef!"

GREG DAMAGE "GD" Speaker of the House – Has trouble with his numbers, uses his nose to block punches, loves guns and airplanes, wants to work for NASA but they keep hanging up on him, avoids cracks in the pavement, gets nervous when he’s near an open fire, after he's had a few he sounds like a spot on Sean Connery, hates black ink ball-point pens, loves frosted animal cookies, "Wot part o' CRUSH-THUD-KERBAM don't you understand mate? And stop tellin' me aye soun' like Sean Conry!"