Affection is warm, comfortable, accepting. As parents have for their offspring. "...Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and endurable happiness there is in our natural lives." (p.53)
Affection is completely undiscriminating. Possible to have affection for anyone: ugly, stupid, exasperating, uneducated, old, or young. Even different species. (Even repulsive species, like cats or little yappy rat-dogs.)
Affection requires and grows out of familiarity.
In a way, it takes itself for granted. Because it is quiet and comfortable, it does not spend time focusing on itself.
Affection can (and maybe must) color and enhance the lives of others.
Because of its undiscriminating nature, it results in appreciations which would not have been otherwise possible.
But Affection has dangers:
The undiscriminating nature of affection can lead us to expect it. Since affection often endures rudeness or brutish behavior, we come to think that such must always be overruled by affection, to which we are entitled, forgetting that, although affection can flourish when we are unlikeable, it is not obliged to!
Even worse, some seem to act as if affection demands rudeness. "Playful rudeness" or "teasing." "I'm just giving you a hard time," someone may say "affectionately." The problem is, it can still be hurtful. The teaser's logic may be something like:
Change is a threat to affection. Since it shares so much, any change (or growth) in the other can be seen as a threat to the common bond on which the affection is based.
Affection as gift-love can be oppressive. We think of the doting mother as typifying this problem, but there is also the oppressive friend.
See [Questions for Reflection and Discussion]
To [Friendship] Return to [Introduction]
6/1/97 (From materials, 3/18/94)