"LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS"

Friendship (Phileo)

Questions for Reflection and Discussion

1. Friends should be many things to each other:

• They should encourage, literally, "en" (instill) + "courage" (bravery) in each other.
• They should help and support, propping up the other when he would otherwise fall.
• They should keep us on track, rebuking when necessary
• They should aid clear thinking, as when being a sounding board.

Each of these has risks and demands: time, vulnerability, performance, and rejection. Which of these are obstacles for you in cultivating and maintaining friendships? How does one overcome them?

2. At the same time, friendship is not really "about" any of the above functions. It is a relationship that arises out of other, common interests (i.e., besides each other). From where have your deepest friendships arisen? What does this say about how we can cultivate new friendships and maintain old ones?

3. Is it really true that circles of male friends are inherently threatening to women? What are men to do about that? Is there anything women should do about that?

4. Are friendships between men and women harder than those among the same sex? Are they even a good idea? Under any particular ground rules?

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6/1/97 (From materials, 3/18/94)