DIsaster Jokes ...

THATS NOT FUNNY!!

What kinds of disasters produce jokes? Not just any disaster will do. It has to cut into some underlying social tension if there is gonna be the sort of edge that makes a joke work. The death of Diana was more than the accidental demise of a celebrity, it was a historic event that revealed something about the nature of celebrity in general in a specific era. When JFK jr's plane went down, the jokes were flying almost as soon as the plane hit water. But after an earthquake in Turkey where 10s of thousands were killed, there was not a single joke. Or maybe I missed it. The earthquake did, however, lead to a small revival of the work of Serdar Argic in some quarters.


a proposal for a replacement

The ultimate stock market crash?

Once I realized the bombings actually happened, I could not even joke about it. At least, not for a week. Then I finally took a peek at alt.tasteless.jokes:

Forecast weather for; Kabul, Karachi, Baghdad and Damascus for the week of 9/24/2001:

Very brief period of extremely bright sunlight followed by variable winds of 2000 knots and temperatures in the mid to upper 6000 degrees range with no measurable moisture. SPF 12000 sun block highly recommended if standing near an outside structural wall of less than one meter thick....

What does WTC stand for? - "What Trade Center?"

The FBI has just identified the man who trained the hijackers:
Dale Earnhardt.

At the World Trade Center restaurant, they offered three seating areas:
smoking, non-smoking and burned beyond recognition.

They dont need any more volunteers to help at the WTC:
they have found 5000 extra pairs of hands...

New York, New York, so good they hit it twice

What is world most efficient airline?
American Airlines, leave Boston 8:15...be in your office in New York 8:48!

What was the last thing going through the mind of a stockbroker on the 110th floor?
The radio mast.

America's new math:
Q: Now how many sides to a Pentagon?
A: 4

If one side of the Pentagon has collapsed, will it now be renamed "The Square"?

... or the PentaGONE?

"It's a bird!"
"It's a plane!"
"It's.... Oh fuck, it IS a plane!"

Why are police and firemen New York's finest?
Because now you can run them through a sieve.

The theme song: Its Raining Men.

So another kennedy (John-John) is down.

How many to go? More coverage for a dull celebrity than for a major war. So he is fair game as far as I am concerned.

Have you heard that the Dead Kennedys got back together?
They have a new song: Too Drunk to Fly a Plane.

You know why he didnt take a shower before getting on the plane?

- He just figured he would wash up on shore.

Everybody run!
The Trenchcoat freak's gotta gun!

Good thing I didn't have any ammunition back in high school.


Why didn't the jock shoot off his mouth?

Cause the Trenchcoat Mafia did it for him.


Q: What sits in the Columbine High School Library and goes "Shhhhhhh"?

A1: A jock's lung
A2: A fuse


Q: Why did the kid bring a gun to school?

A He was bombing all his classes.

the almost obligatory bumper sticker:

"my kid shot your honour student"


Eric and Dylan's American Express Commercial

AMMO, 200 Rounds: $75.
Semi-Automatic Rifle: $675.
Ski Mask: $10.
Kenneth Cole Trench Coat: $400.
Look on classmates face just before you blow his head off: Priceless

BUMPER STICKER ON MINI-VAN IN LITTLETON, COLORADO:

"MY KID SHOT YOUR HONOR STUDENT."

"I've been seriously offended by the lack of decent jokes on the subject, and believe me, if there were any more out there, I would have heard them."

--Singer George Michael on his April 7 arrest in a Beverly Hills "tea room"

The Head of State, or Oval sex in the Oral Office

Hardly a disaster, but it has yielded its share of jokes. The President of the United States gets off with the generous assistance of a young intern with a smile that must frighten children, not to mention the horses. His approval ratings skyrocketed, perhaps as large numbers of Americans were outraged at how Special Prosecutor Starr invaded his privacy. Or maybe they were all just relieved that at the sudden thaw in the chill and moral panic over sexual harrassment that came to a head in the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings.

Scary thoughts:
1) Al Gore is just one orgasm away from the presidency.
2) Kind of makes you wince when you think about how Janet Reno got her job.

What did Gore say after the Lewinsky story broke?
"Why do they call me the stiff man in the White House?"

How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they are to busy screwing the President.

What was clinton's last gift to Monica?
Spot remover.

What do Clinton and Starr have in common?
They are both inclined to extend their probes.

What does Nixon have in common with Clinton?
Tricky Dick

How do you satisfy Clinton's sexual appetite?
It takes a village

What did Monica Lewinsky put on her resume?
She sat on the President's staff.

In light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to write a new book about the scandal. Working title: "All the President's Women."

Clinton's defense in the White House aide sex scandal; "I didn't come."

If President Clinton practiced safe, monogamous sex, he wouldn't be worried about aides.

I heard that Clinton was on the Conan show and was quoted to say: "I didn't tell her to lie in the disposition." "I told her to lay in that position."

A recent poll of 2000 women asked the question: Would you sleep with Bill Clinton?
94% responded "Never again"

What is the recipe for"Clinton Stew?"
One wiener in a lot of hot water.

What is Lewinsky's code name in the FBI?
Deep Throat

Why did Monica Lewinsky quit her White House job?
Her boss got in her face once too often.

Some of these are from Jokes for the Jolly. Most are from alt.tasteless.jokes.

The Death of a Princess

The tragic death of Diana, Princess of Wales was not the disaster, rather the disaster was the massive drentching of the English speaking world in syrup as the masses shed tears for a woman they never met, and the papers took her death as a news event on the order of the first moon landing, or a major war. She was famous for being famous, nothing more. Not all Brits went off the deep end: check out the LM site.

In my punk rock debut, I sang a tribute which is now on the Savage Pisser Band page

Then I went home and culled the following, mostly from alt.tasteless.jokes:

The way I understand it...someone yelled "Lady Di" and the driver thought it was an order.

Now she is as dead as a Dodi.

I reckon she did it on purpose.. she wanted to be the first to try on the Versace Summer 98 Collection

I heard that lady Di was on the radio tonight. . . . . . . . . and the dash. . . . . . and the steering wheel . . . .

When Prince Charles was being told of Diana's death he was all ears.

Hey, did you hear that Princess Diana finally found a crash diet that worked?

I heard astrologers predict that Di and Dodi were going to break up. But not that literally.

What happens when you kiss a fairy-tale princess? The frog turns into a wall.

What is the difference between a Mercedes and a Ford? The Princess would not be caught dead in a Ford.

Why did Di go to Paris? To get smashed!

Why was Princess Di disappointed in Prince Charles? She thought all rulers had twelve inches...

Q. What would Diana be doing if she was alive today? A. Scratching the lid of her coffin.

Q. What happens to a Princess that stays out after midnight? A. She turns into a concrete pillar.

Apparently Diana had Dandruff. They found her Head and Shoulders on the road.

How long until we see a drag performer named Diana Paparazzi?

The Challenger

What were Christa McCaulif's last words? "What does this button do?"

What did she tell her husband before she left? "you feed the dogs I'll feed the fish"

Where did she spend her last vacation? All over Florida.

How long did it take for the crew of the Challenger to fall from the sky and into the Atlantic?..............The rest of their lives.


Waco

Did you hear about the schism among the Branch Davidians? Orthodox and Extra-crispy.

How do you pick up a Branch Davidian girl? With a dust-buster.


TWA

What is the best way to pick up a TWA stewardess? - with a fishing net.

What were the Long Island men doing on the beach the next day? Looking for pieces of ass.

What did the shark say to the alligator? - hey, this airline food isn't so bad.


The Good Ship Hale-Bopp

Heavens Gate Cocktail: 2 shots of vodka, a dollop of applesauce and 39 nuts.

To succeed in the internet business you really need to have unix.

Why did the Heaven's Gate members really commit suicide? They were just trying to keep up with the Joneses...

Q. What is the favorite dessert of heaven's gate members?

Do-Nuts

Jeffrey Dahmer, gourmet or gourmand?

Did you hear that the F.B.I. was investigating Dahmer?
Yeah, they thought he might have been selling arms to IRAQ.

What did Jeffrey tell his mother when she told him that she didn't like his friends?
"That's Ok, Mom, just eat the noodles!

What did Dahmer do when he finished his vegetables?
He threw away their wheelchairs!

What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's medicine cabinet?
Head and Shoulders.

What did Jeffery say when the judge was coming down real hard on him?
Come on judge....have a heart!

Why did Jeffery Dahmer keep a blender on his porch?
So he could greet everyone with a handshake!

What did Jeffery Dahmer say to Loraina Bobbit?
Excuse me, but are you going to eat that?

Got any more?

Email them to me fucker!
squicker@mindspring.com


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4/23/99