Quotes about Alcohol

"Never drink a beer you can see through." Mary Ann (My x-roomate)
"I order it [Coors Lite] if I want something in my hand but I can't drink. I'd die of thirst before I'd take a sip." Kathy (Nurse Knightie)
"You driving Budweiser truck! REPENT!" The Beer god
"Beer Me!" Homer-The Simpsons
"Just think, I turned to a cult for mindless happiness when I had beer all along." Homer
"Don't forget to stop and smell the hops." Jim Koch-Sam Adams
"He was a wise man who invented beer." Plato
"Beer he drank-seven goblets. His spirit was loosened, He became hilariuos, His heart was glad and his face shone." Epic of Gilgamesh
"If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs." David Daye
"I know Bacchus, the god of wime, for he smells of nectar, but all I know of the gof of beer is the he smells of the billy goat." Emperor Julian the Apostate
"I have often regretted what I have eaten, but never what I have drunk." Otto von Bismark
"Go, eat your bread in gladness and drink your wine in joy, for your action was long ago approved by God...What ever it is in your poer to do, do it with all your might." Ecclesisates
"A tavern chair is the throne of human felicity." Samual Johnson
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin
"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose." Deep Thought, Jack Handy
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." Dave Barry
"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if yu have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." Frank Zappa
"Why is American beer served cold?
So you can tell it from urine."
David Moulton
"People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot." Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer." Homer Simpson
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." Dave Barry
Ziva: "I have a funny feeling."
Ducky: "It's taquilla." NCIS
"Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder." Anonymous
"When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven..."
Brian O'Rourke
"...the highest honor is having a pub named after you." Billy Bragg
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder." Bumper Sticker
"BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore." Bumper Sticker
"Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink." Bumper Sticker
"Don't get a drink for the road; the road is already laid out." Bumper Sticker
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy" Bumper sticker (And a song)
"Had the earliest morality developed under the influence of beer, there would not be good or evil, there would be 'kind of nice' or 'pretty cool'." Frat Boy-Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: "I didn't know it was evil."
Giles: "You knew it was beer."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Doyle: "I'm still going to celebrate with a drink down at the pub."
Cordelia: "He'd celebrate the opening of a mail box with a drink down at the pub."
Angel
"Pen, paper, single malt scotch." Doyle-Angel
Fred: "I'm totally drunk faced."
Wesley:"Because you can't hold your...what are you drinking?" Fred: "Nothing."
Wesley: "Well you can't hold that."
Angel
"Darts and bars go together like bacon in eggs." Miles O'Brien-Star Trek:Deep Space 9
"What, no more Guinness? That would be hell." Hugh Fitzcairn-Highlander: The Series
Danni: "How's about a Margarita?"
Lynn: "Now, I'm happy."
Family Law
Marge: "Who's ready for beers?"
Stephan Hawking: "That's the smartest thing I've heard all day"
The Simpsons
"When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours." Jerry Jacks-General Hospital
"Life Liberty and the pursuite of happy hour." Hawkeye Pierce-M*A*S*h
"I'm listening...with beer." Spike Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Now we're your favored guests, treated to the finest beverages that make you blind." Mal to Badger Firefly
"I don't have a baby, everybody drink!" Samantha Sex and the City
"I came for the beer." Carrie Sex and the City
"Vodka was my only ali." Samantha Sex and the City
"I'll be at the bar where my people are drinking." Carrie Sex and the City
"Drink! Drink! Drink!" Fr. Jack Father Ted
Fr. Ted: "Don't drink that, it's..."
Fr. Jack: "Feckin' water!" Father Ted
"Nothing like a depressant to chase the blues away." Barney The Simpsons
"Just think, I turned to a cult for mindless happiness when I had beer all along." Homer The Simpsons
"Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol related." Bart on the black board The Simpsons
"I was afraid I was gonna have to keep after you to get you to drink something from the alcohol food group." Joe Medium
"Giles knows his single malt anaseptics." Anya Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Grab a brew, don't cost nothing." Bluto Animal House
"I was just having many beers..." Steve Singles
"You never suck beer out of the bottom of a keg, were'd you go to college!" House House
"I prefer the tequilla sunrise because of all the pretty colors." Gates ER
"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to food." WC Fields
Nothing more excellent nor more valuable than wine was ever granted mankind by God." Plato
"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it." W.C. Fields
"No verse can give pleasure for long, not last, that is written by water-drinkers." Horace
"Save Arizon'a Water--Drink Polish Beer" Motto of Arizona's Silesia Brand
"May ninkasi live with you-let her pour your beer everlasting." Sumerian saying
"Hunting sober is like fishing---sober." Uncle Jimbo south Park
"Never spill your beer in the bullet chamber." Uncle Jimbo's hunting tip south Park
"The only good thing about being here is that we can drink and forget that we're here." Haweye M*A*S*H*
"'til we lost the booze, I never realized how lousy the water is." PotterM*A*S*H
"I don't want to alarm anyone, but I think there's a little alc-e-hol in this punch." Marge The Simpsons
"What do you say we freshen up our little drinky poos." Mr. BurnsThe Simpsons
"When will I learn the answer to life's are not at the bottom of a bottle--they're on tv!" HomerThe Simpsons
"You foam within our glass, you lusty golden brew. Whoever imbibes takes fire from you. The young and the old sing your praises; here's to beer, here's to cheer, here's to beer." The Bartered Bride Bedrich Smetana
It's extraordinary how friendly you can make a lot of people on a couple bottles of beer." Dr. Frankenstein Frankenstein
"Pay-day and along with it, came beer." Ruyard Kipling Life's Handicap
"Kitchens in Milwaukee are built with three taps, hot, cold and Schlitz." Old Milwaukee saying
"Good old trustworthy beer, my love for you will never die." Homer The Simpsons
"A woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you would step over your mother just to get one. But you can't stop at one." Homer The Simpsons
"Sometimes when your mom has half a glass of wine, she goes coo-coo bananas." Marge The Simpsons
"I want a martini that can can be declared a disaster area." Hawkeye Pierce M*A*S*H
"We drink so we can get through these lousy stinkin' 48 hour days." Hawkeye M*A*S*H
Oh, lager beer!
It makes good cheer,
and proves the poor man's worth.
It cools the body through and through,
and regulates the health." Anonymous
"It' feels like it's going to martini." Trapper M*A*SH
"Why would anyone make a bottle this small? It's inhuman...it's like a bloody tease, it's like here's what a bottle of Jack would look like if you actaully had one or here's a drink, but it's very far away." Spike Angel
"Beer is a gift from the goddess, a soothing balm given our species to bring joy and comfort in compensation for the curse of self-awarenes, the awful realization of our mortality." Alan D. Eames
"Any foriegn trip is better if you can visit a few breweries." Fred Eckhardt
"A man hath no better thing under the sun thant to eat and drink and be merry." Ecclesiasties 3:13
Sung Bart:"Can I be a booze hound?"
Homer: "Not 'til you're 15." The Simpsons
Moe: "Let's say I put a lean cuisine in an blender and poured some beer on it, what would you call that?"
Side Show Mel: "A Lean Cuisini." The Simpsons
"Drunken children tell the ugliest lies." Side Show Bob The Simpsons
Lisa: "I feel so sick."
Homer: "It's called a hangover sweetie, and it's an unavoidable part of life." The Simpsons
"How did it ever come to this? I'm the first man to be depressed in a bar." Homer The Simpsons
"I got a bad taste in my mouth, I'm gonna go gargle with a martini." Trapper M*A*SH
"I'm not drinking and driving while I'm drinking while I'm drivng." Randy Marsh South Park
"If you're gonna beat up my friend in my bar, there's a two drink minimum." Moe The Simpsons
"You shouldn't drink, it leads to bad things." Randy Marsh South Park
"Our commandment clearly states that beer is ok." Rev Lovejoy The Simpsons
"Rule #1 don't drink at work, rule #2, don't talk about work while drinking." Jack MCcoy Law and Order
"Ale, man, ale's the stuff to drink fro fellows whom it hurts to think!" A.E. Housman
"The month of a perfectly happy is filled with beer." Egyptian saying
"Most chefs don't drink wine at the end of the night; it's too heavy. They drink beer." Wendy Littlefield
"Precious alcohol soaking into the shag." Barney The Simpsons
"Every bar needs a world class drunk." Moe The Simpsons
"Me love beer." Homer The Simpsons
"Would a poor person have a barin his garage." Michael Stipe The Simpsons
"Got any beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrew." Homer The Simpsons
"Get in here boozey, you're late for your drunkening." Moe The Simpsons
(Sung)"You put the beer in the coconut and you throw the can away." Homer The Simpsons
"I wish rainwater was beer." Robert Bolt A Man for All Seasons
"...in life, there's always room for beer." Tom Ciccateri-2005 Wynkoop beer drinker of the year
"I'm just gonna say it, taquilla makes me happy." Gabby Desparate Housewives
"When you particpate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get." Homer The Simpsons
"Yes, beer qualifies as an appitizer." T-Shirt
"Rootbeer, a cruel, cruel hoax." T-Shirt
"Bring me the eggnog of good cheer." House
"Beer that is not drunk has missed its vocation." Meyer Breslau
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