My Little Corner of Red Dwarf

Red Dwarf

Red Dwarf Theme
The History of Red Dwarf
A Tribute to Arnold J. Rimmer
Gazpacho Soup
Mutton Vindaloo
Red Dwarf Quiz

It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere,
I'm all alone, more or less,
Let me fly, far away from here,
Fun Fun Fun, in the Sun Sun Sun.

I want to lie ship wrecked and comatose,
drinking fresh mango juice,
goldfish sholes nipple at my toes,
Fun Fun Fun, in the Sun Sun Sun.
Fun Fun Fun, in the Sun Sun Sun.

I've packed my bags, and head into hyperspace,
Velocity at time warp speed,
Spend my days in ultra violet rays,
Fun Fun Fun, in the Sun Sun Sun.

We're locked on course, straight through the universe,
You and me and the galaxy,
Reach the stage, hyperdrive engaged,
Fun Fun Fun, in the Sun Sun Sun.

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The History of Red Dwarf

Red Dwarf was created by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor. It aired on the BBC and can be best described as a science fiction comedy. Each episode is a half hour of fun filled humor and space adventure. There was also a bad attempt to create the series with American actors for an American audience, where the Cat was female (In one pilot, played by DS9s Terry Farrell) and a few other character changes. Thankfully that series never went anywhere.

Season one opens in the 23rd century about the Jupiter Mining Company Spaceship, Red Dwarf. Arnold Rimmer (Chris Barry) and Dave Lister (Craig Charles) are in charge of fixing the ships food dispensers. Lister is soon put in stasis as punishment for having an unauthorized cat, Frankenstein, on board the ship. Without the help of Lister, Rimmer was fixing a drive plate and causes an explosion, killing everyone onboard. Three million years later, Holly, the ship’s computer (Norman Lovett) determines it is safe to bring Lister out of stasis. Being the only human left alive on the ship, possibly the universe, Holly uses the single hologram the ship can sustain, to bring back Rimmer, because he was Lister’s bunkmate and thought they were friends. Lister’s cat was stored safely in the air ducts and was pregnant at the time of the explosion. Over 3 million years the species evolved into a humanoid species, with the last remaining member know as Cat (Danny John-Jules).

The episodes of Series one are “The End”, “Future Echoes”, Balance of Power”, “Waiting for God”, “Confidence and Paranoia” and “Me2”.

Series Two consisted of the same cast passing time in space. The episodes consisted of “Kryten”, “Better Than Life”, “Thanks for the Memory”, Stasis Leak”, “Queeg”, and “Holly Hop”.

In series three, Robert Llewellyn joins the cast as the android Kryten and Hattie Hayridge now plays Holly. The episodes are “Backwards”, “Marooned”, Polymorph”, “Timeslides”, “Bodyswap”, and “The Last Day”.

Season four is the same cast in the episodes “Camille”, “DNA”, “Justice”, “White Whole”, “Dimension Jump”, and “Melt Down”.

Series Five continues with the same cast in the episodes “Back to Reality”, “Demons and Angels”, “Holoship”, “Quarantine”, “The Inquisitor”, and “Terrorform”.

In series Six, the crew has lost Red Dwarf , including Holly, and spends the season in Starbug searching for their lost ship and computer. The episodes include “Psirens”, “Legion”, “Gunmen of the Apocalypse”, Rimmerworld”, and “Out of Time” where we see Starbug blown up by the crew’s future selves.

After a hiatus, series seven opens with Lister explaining that time paradox that allows the search for Red Dwarf to continue. The first episode is “Tikka to Ride”. In the second episode, “Stoke me a Clipper”, Rimmer leaves to pursue the life of Ace, though he does appear in flashbacks and Kryten’s simulation ride, “the Rimmer Experience”. In the third episode “Ourborus”, Chloe Annette joins the cast as Christine Kochanski from the other dimension. The rest of series seven episodes are “Duct Soup”, “Blue”, Beyond a Joke”, Epideme” and “Nanarchy”.

In series eight, the crew finds a senile version of Holly, again played by Norman Lovett, and that Kryten’s nanbots have not only taken over Red Dwarf, but restored it to its original form, including the crew. Chris Barrie rejoins the cast as a non holographic Rimmer and the rest of the crew, including Mac McDonald ad Captain Hollister, have no memory of the past 3 million years or the adventures of Rimmer, Lister, Kryten, Holly, Kochanski and Cat. The episodes are “Back in the Red 1, 2 and 3” “Cassandra”, Pete 1 and 2”, “Kryten TV”, and “Only the Good…”.

Though series eight ends badly for Red Dwarf, there are rumors of a film with the original cast.

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  • "It's not a good night unless you get a traffic cone." The Cat
  • "See those socks, see 'em, they're going right on the floor where any self respecting bachelor would keep 'em." David Lister
  • Lister: "Aliens used our bog roll?"
    Rimmer: "Just 'cause they're aliens, doesn't mean to say they don't have to visit the little boy's room."
  • "Proper dumplings should not bounce." Lister
  • "It's better to have loved and to have lost than to listen to an album by Olivia Newton John." Holly
  • "I do not do the 'w' word. Cats do not work." The Cat
  • "A curry every night, that can't be good for you." Rimmer
  • "Urine should only be green if you're Mr. Spock." Rimmer
  • "...for it is written in the Electronic Bible, 'the iron shall lie down with the lamp.'" Kryten
  • "It's better to live one hour as a tiger, than a whole life as a worm." Cat
  • "Better dead than smeg." Rimmer
  • "I toast therefore I am." Talkie Toaster
  • "If I'd have known I was gonna get my leg crushed, I would have worn white, it goes with anything." Cat “You livies hate us deadies.” Rimmer
  • “I wish I was someone else, then I could kiss myself.” Cat
  • “What’s the point of buying a toaster with artificial intelligence, if you don’t like toast?” Talkie Toaster
  • “Mankind doesn’t even have the technology to create a toupee that doesn’t get big laughs.” Lister
  • “Everyone dies, you’re born, you die, that bit in the middle is called life.” Lister
  • “They’re just using religion as an excuse to be crappy to one another.” Lister
  • “Love is a sickness that holds you back in your career and spend all your money.” Rimmer
  • “Oxygen is for losers.” Lister’s Confidence
  • Lister: “What are you doing?”
    Rimmer: “It’s called work, Lister; I didn’t think you’d recognize it. W-O-R-K, look it up in the dictionary.”
  • “Your explanation for anything that is slightly peculiar is aliens. You lose your keys, it’s aliens, a picture falls off the wall, it’s aliens, that time you used up a whole bog roll in a day, you said that was aliens too.” Lister
  • Lister: “Drop dead” Lister: “Encore.”
  • “There is a perfectly logical explanation for everything with the possible exception of little Jimmy Osmond.” Holly
  • “If you go through life without feeling, you go through life never experiencing, you are no better than a jelly fish, no better than a bank manager.” Lister
  • “It’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never listened to an album by Olivia Newton John.” Holly
  • “I’m a cat, I need a nap, if I don’t nap 9 or 10 times a day, I don’t have enough for my energy for my main snooze.” Cat
  • Holly: “I flamingoed up.”
    Rimmer: “what?”
    Holly: “It’s like a cock up, only much much worse.”
  • Cat: “Think of all the glorious things about having children.”
    Lister: “Like?”
    Cat: “Like when they grow up and leave home.”
  • “What about the Rimmer directive that states never tangle with anything that has more teeth than the entire Osmond family?” Rimmer
  • “We seem to spend every day devising more and more ingenious ways to waste time.” Lister
  • “Think about the places we could go, we could go to Dallas in November 1963, stand on the grassy knoll and shout ‘duck’. Sorry, I must have by-passed my good taste chip.” Kryten
  • “Pub, ah yes, a meeting place where people attempt to achieve advance states of mental in competency by the repeated consumption of fermented vegetable drinks.” Kryten
  • “For it is written in the Electronic Bible, ‘the iron shall lay down with the lamp.’” Kryten
  • “I’m not good at being noble kid, but it’s pretty obvious the problems of two blobs and a droid don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy cosmos.” Kryten
  • “Aliens, they’re probably going to return Glenn Miller.” Rimmer
  • “You really think you can clone yourself from your dandruff?” Cat
  • Lister: “What’s so great about being human?”
    Rimmer: “Listy, don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it.”
  • “You got to stay true to what you are.” Lister
  • “Most people leave their bodies to medical science, I’m leaving mine to the Louver, baby.” Cat
  • “This man is not guilty of manslaughter; he is only guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime, it is also his punishment.” Kryten
  • Kryten: “His AI chips were badly damaged in the accident.”
    Talkie Toaster: “That wasn’t an accident, it was first degree toasterside.”
  • Talkie Toaster: “ …I resent the implication that I’m a one-dimensional bread obsessed appliance.”
    Holly: “I apologize Toaster, what’s the question?”
    Talkie Toaster: “The question is, if God is infinite and the universe is also infinite, would you like a toasted tea cake?”
  • Holly: “Purple Alert, purple alert.”
    Lister: “What’s a purple alert?”
    Holly: “Well it’s not as bad as a red alert, but it’s much worse than a blue alert.”
  • “I’m bleeding in an unfashionable color!” Cat
  • Rimmer: “How would you feel if some git arrived from another dimension, another
    Lister with wall to wall charisma, and a PhD in being handsome and wonderful?”
    Lister: “I am that Lister.”
  • “Don’t you know that no one is even slightly interested in anything you are saying? You’ve got this major psychological defect which blinds you to the fact that you are boring everyone to death.” Lister
  • Kryten: “They’ve taken Rimmer.”
    Cat: “Quick, let’s get out of here before they send him back.”
  • Kryten to Rimmer: “You could have been reduced to a gibbering simpleton.”
    Cat: “reduced?”
  • “Most gross danger” Warning on the Viral Research Door
  • “Life without pain has no meaning.” Dr. Landstrom
  • Dr. Landstrom: “I have a riddle for you, what is dead and dead and dead all over?”
    Rimmer: “I give up doctor Fruit Loop, do tell.”
    Dr. Landstrom: “Yoooooooooou!”
  • “Sexual magnetism’s a virus? Well get me to a hospital, I’m a terminal case.” Cat
  • Rimmer: “So let me get this straight, you want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato People and plead for your freedom and you’re telling me you’re completely insane, I think that warrants two hours of W.O.O.”
    Lister: “What’s W.O.O.?”
    Cat: “You had to ask.”
    Rimmer: “With Out Oxygen. No oxygen for two hours, that’ll teach you to be bread baskets.”
  • “We can’t possibly do that, who’d clean up the mess.” Rimmer
  • Cat: “There’s an old cat proverb, ‘it’s better to have lived one hour as a tiger, than a whole lifetime as a worm.’”
    Rimmer: “There’s an old human proverb, ‘who ever heard of a worm skin rug?’”
  • “All hands on deck, swirly thing alert.” Cat
  • “I know this game, it’s called cat and mouse, and there’s only one way to win, don’t be the mouse.” Cat
  • “I think we’ve all got something to bring to this conversation and what you should bring now is silence.” Lister
  • Cat: “All in all a 100% successful trip”
    Kryten: “Sir, we lost Mr. Rimmer.”
    Cat: “All in all a 100% successful trip.”
  • “Life without curry is like Laurel with Hardy, the lone Ranger without…that Indian Bloke.” Lister
  • Lister: The red, green and blue signs are all flashing. What the smeg does that mean?”
    Kryten: Well, we’re either having under attack or having a disco.”
  • Ace: “You can’t judge a book by its cover.”
    Lister: And you can’t confuse Rimmer with a book, for starters a book has a spine.”
  • Cat: “Something’s shown up on the long rang scanner, which is weird with a capital ‘WE’.”
    Lister: “Could you be a tad more specific?”
    Cat: “Come again.”
    Kryten: “Is it a swiggly thing or a swirly thing?”
    Cat: “At this early stage, I’d hate to commit myself and wind up looking like a fool.”
  • Kochanski: “We’ve got a couple of problems; all the hazard lights are flashing.”
    Kryten:”All of them?”
    Kochanski: “Although in this ship, that could mean anything from we’re all under attack to the baked potatoes are burning.”
  • “He was the human equivalent of a visible panty line.” Cat
  • Kochanski: “So what do we do, stay here and get placard?”
    Cat: “Better that than me looking like Tina Turner.”
  • “Unlike you guys, my highest achievement isn’t on a loo wall somewhere marking my highest pee.” Kochanski
  • “Can this story wait, preferably until after I’m dead?” Lister
  • “You’re a man, aren’t you, I mean you all get the common cold and you think it’s malaria.’ Kochanski
  • “Dave, my Dave, had a saying, ‘even the word hopeless has the word hope in it.’” Kochanski
  • “It’s space, black with twinkely bits, it all looks familiar.” Lister
  • “The plan is working. Operation get officerhood, power and eminence or GROPE for short, is working.” Rimmer
  • Rimmer: “Since when are you interested in a trouser press? You care less about your appearances than the Dutch royal family.”
    Lister: “Yeah, I was thinking if we moved into a cell with a trouser press we could make cheese toasties.”
  • Cat: “Ground control, this is…”
    Lister: “Major Tom.”
  • “Holy schmoly, I got a date in three days, I better start getting ready.” Cat
  • Kryten: “You know what they say, if you got three good friends, you’re a rich man.”
    Rimmer: “Only poor people say that.”
  • “We’re giving you a second chance at life, an opportunity to screw up in a new and original way.” Holly
  • “It’s the theory of relativity, it’s a theory you can only tell your relatives.” Holly
  • Lister: “When it comes to wierdy paradox space stuff, I bought the t-shirt.”
    Kryten: “He bought it, and I ironed it for him.”
  • Kryten: “What’s the point of my giving my stay alert pep talk if no one is listening?”
    Cat: “What?”
  • Kochanski: “Look at this, what are they Hol?”
    Holly: “They look uncannily like something you should be very afraid of.”
    Cat: “What?”
    Holly: “Mime Artists.”
  • “Time is a great healer, unless you’ve got a rash, then I recommend ointment.” Holly
  • “I’m really scared, I’ve been threatened by a dispensing machine, what are you going to do, leave a horse head made out of marzipan in my bed?” Rimmer
  • “Better smeg than dead.” Rimmer
  • “Smoke me a kipper; I’ll be back for breakfast.” Rimmer
  • “Not today matey, only the good die young.” Rimmer to the grim reaper

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The Official Red Dwarf Site
  • Robert Llewelyn's site
  • Red Dwarf Pile 'O Smeg-The Red Dwarf links Page
  • Unofficial Chris Barry Site
  • Red Dwarf Email .Sigs
  • Red Dwarf Song Site
  • Red DwarfRecipes
  • Red Dwarf and Buffy Dictionary
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    A Tribute to Arnold J. Rimmer B.S.C.

    If you’re in trouble he will save the day,
    He’s brave and fearless come what may,
    Without him the mission would go astray.

    He’s Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer,
    Without him life would be much grimmer,
    He’s never been mistaken for Yul Brynner,
    He’s not bald and his head doesn’t glimmer.

    Master of wit and repartee,
    His command of space directives is uncanny,
    How come he’s such a genius?
    Don’t ask me.

    Ask Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer,
    He’s also a fantastic swimmer,
    And it you play your cards right,
    Then he just might come around for dinner.

    He’s Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer
    No rhymes left apart from quimmer,
    He’s better fade us out before we get a schlimmer
    Fade out you stupid plimmer.

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    1 cucumber, peeled, seeded, finely diced
    1 green bell pepper, seeded, finely diced
    2 stalks celery, finely diced
    3 tomatoes, seeded, finely diced
    1 bunch scallions, thinly sliced
    2 avocados, peeled, diced
    32 oz tomato juice
    5 tablespoons red wine vinegar
    4 tablespoons olive oil
    ground black pepper
    celery salt

    If desired, use a food processor to chop the cucumber, bell pepper, celery and tomato.
    Mix all ingredients in a non-reactive bowl.
    Serve chilled, with cilantro and sour cream garnish.

    Mutton Vindaloo