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Tom Gordon's Blother

February 17, 2006

Joining Dem Pod People
Most strange. After uncounted years of scrawling plain ol' vanilla line art (as mandated by the colorization demands of Adobe Bloatoshop), you'd think one's innate crosshatching ability would've eventually degraded to the abyssal level of one Jim "Garfield" Davis -- or even Aaron "Unfunny Lefttard Drivel" McGruder:



El wrongo!

In other (horribly mundane) news, I believe at long last I've finally discovered the solution to all my gastrotoobula intesticle guts woes. It involves not eating anything, ever again! Y'see, without food, there's no process of digestion! And without digestion, there's no possibility of indigestion! Case closed!

(Of course, there's admittedly a few minor side effects to my ingenious remedy -- like malnutrition, and, er, um, uh... eventual death. But I'll make sure the marketing department puts that on a warning label somewhere. Really!)

Oh yeah -- regrettably, after a recent visit to BestBuy (where yours truly covered over the Apple products table with drool) it also appears I'll be heartily guzzling the Jobsian Kool-Aid and purchasing an iPod very, very soon. Oh, it was bad enough, knowing I could carry my entire musical collection and any number of photos inside an oh-so-stylish tiny obsidian LCD-fitted widget. But dammit, having the thing being able to play back video content too was the final straw that broke the camel jockey's back out on a limb (or something). Modern codecs being what they are, even if I opted for the cheaper 30-gigabyte version and filled it up with the 1600+ songs in my laughably unsophisticated collection, it still means there's plenty of room left over for at least a dozen feature-length films ripped with HandBrake and/or iSquint, and Ghu knows how many porno flicks Ken Burns documentaries.

And yet... and yet... I just know if I just hold out for a few more months, the crazy Fruit Cult will surely introduce something at least 40% niftier for the same frickin' price. Most likely a revised design that turns the entire front of the device into a baby-PDA letterboxed touchscreen display - clearly the logical next step for the product.

Curse these aging flakey Silicon Valley wunderkinds, and their turtleneck sweaters!

In any event, I'm hella glad I'm a shameless free market-loving capitalist running dog/sentence type. Because even that tiresome person who proudly wears Che Guevara t-shirts, toddles around in a Priusian fauxmobile festooned with I-hate-Bush stickers and regularly shrieks in womanly hysteria about soi-disant 'consumerist excess' over the latest batch of non-animal tested, organically-grown and utterly indigestable soy shite would have most considerable difficulty resisting such an all-in-one media item as this.

(Or at least, I hope so. For the sake of continued humanity.)
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