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Tom Gordon's Blother

February 24, 2006

No God Button for you, Evil Empire!
Honest to Lolth, I just don't get this whole Drow-equates-to-hotness thing. While one of my previous entries attests to the inherent appeal of blueberry-colored elves, surely this additional penchant of theirs -- worshiping hideous spiders with gruesome human sacrifice beneath the darkest, foulest bowels of the earth -- has to make even the biggest drool-chinned fanboy hesitate? Right? RIGHT?!



Oh lord, and I just observed "Real Genius" on cable, for the first time since the Great Pog Ascendency. Yes chillun, cue up the relevant synthy Tears For Fears soundtrack entry, and let your mind drift back to those hazy, halcyon daze when every Hollywood geeky intellectual was required by Congressional law to either pass through an Oppenheimer/Einstein Pacifism Generator™, or else be summarily endowed with the social acumen of your typical caged ejaculate-flinging simian.

Oh, you naive, traitorous FOOLS.

Hey, remember the film's incarnation of "Operation Crossbow?" Ain't it just OH so interesting to note what was considered obviously self-evident back in 1985? "By gum, Laszlo -- you mean the eeeevil Pentagon's planning to put our six-megawatt laser into lower Earth orbit? Which'll then be used to transform assorted anti-American black hats into harmless smoldering piles of ash, on a precision, individual basis?"

For shame! Let's stop 'em! And make the world safe for 'collateral damage' and accidential civilian death once again! Go team!

Ah yes. One is also tempted to visualize an alternative timeline where Mitch and Chris' feebly mustachioed attempt to infiltrate the Air Force base fails, and their vigilant death-dealing Eye in the Sky is left free to endlessly circle the globe, vaping baddies with impunity. Somehow, I believe such noteworthy folks as Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden probably wouldn't be major players in that particular universe...

But don't you know, everybody wants to rule the world! And surely there can be NOTHING worse than a space-based Pax Americana, right? Right?

RIGHT?!
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