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Tom Gordon

Tom Gordon's Blother

April 2, 2006

Help, help, I'm being repressed!
Another day, another exercise in continuing artistic mediocrity/fetishistic attachment to borderline-Rubenesque body types. Y'know, every 80's-weaned PopCult pundit keeps predicting the retro-return of fake-chromed oversized audio devices loudly blaring bad poetry on America's urban boulevards (AKA ghetto blasters) Real Soon Now -- and I just have to laugh. Those humungothings are not just hideously ugly and expensive devourers of D-cells, guaranteed to earn you a shiv in the kidneys on the subway -- they were also margleflippin' HEAVY. In an era where you can fit the entire collected work of any soundsmith on a keychain-sized device, who in their right mind would prefer burdening themselves with a monotone-voiced Cybertron monstrosity over the lightweight convenience of an iPod?

(Well -- complete morons like myself, conspicuously angling towards the 'old school' way of doing things, for one. And possibly fitness-obsessed perspiration addicts looking to overdevelop their, uh, StrongBadian 'cloits', for another. But not genuine admirers of music, oh surely not. And probably not Pleasantly Fat Chicks, either.)

Obligatory whiny gripe city: while I'll ignore discussion of a dozen brand-new leeches of monthly capital that have miraculously appeared out of thin air ever since my father's estate was settled, this past abysmal week was still one for the Ledgers of Bovine Crap. Firstly, the ol' treasonous digestive system decided to once again vie for the imminent circus freakshow there, and turn itself inside-out like an old sock puppet. Oh joy, oh bliss. Then, my afforementioned new/olde WallStreet laptop stopped recognizing that it was plugged in anymore -- quickly resulting in a drained battery and an unusable expensive paperweight in place of the Whimsical Portable Computing Experience yours truly had become quite happily addicted to. Grrrr.

Anyway, ordered a replacement AC adapter online, which IMHO is almost certainly not going to solve the problem. No, THAT task will surely require dragging the damned contraption into the Eastern Megalopolis, or else shipping it to Fruit Cult's Cupertino HQ for overly-soldery repair work. And, in time, recieving a bill whose final estimated total will exceed my original 'maximum bid' on eBay, squared...

But the final injustice? Against all logic, or even a vague sense that Bad Things Are Clearly Afoot, watching this piece of heavy-handed drivel.

Ah yes. I most eagerly await the Wachowski Bros. equally 'faithful' adaptation of "Watchmen". Perhaps they'll deftly replace Nixon with GWB, change New Age-y Ozymandias into a biblethumping oil executive, cleverly alter his nefarious scheme to Unite The World into something involving phony Islamic terrorism -- why, it's just like 9/11! -- and otherwise retool everything else in the original story in order to accommodate their own paranoid-masturbatory political world-view that only finds its startlingly original expression in such brutally suppressed underground venues as the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time, Newsweek, CNN, MSNBC, ABC, NBC, CBS, NPR, and the BBC, every single effin' day of the week. (Gosh darn it, where's them dissent-crushing jack-booted stormtroopers of the Neocon Hate Axis™ when you need 'em?)

Oh, and a future Christer-dominated Britain... *snicker* Yeah, that's a reeeeal good one, there. Never mind that with the recent Jyllands-Posten cartoon riots, the demographically-threatened natives of Multiculti Europe pretty much set themselves up to be prison playthings of violent Allah-boys for the next couple of decades (with a few select American volunteers right behind them). Just out of curiosity, which religious group has the greatest potential for instituting a theocratic government day after tomorrow: one whose ranks are on the decline, and who's mocked 24-7 by the intellectual vanguards of your secular-but-rudderless culture? Or one with a burgeoning, zealous membership inclined towards enshrining religious law, BAMN? And for whose benefit -- in a slavish pursuit of 'sensitivity' -- you're already imposing censorship? The same frackin' gang of unreconstructed kneelers that HAS at least one (real-world!) theocracy to its credit?

Wake UP, you dhimmi dummies!

Speaking of "Watchmen," methinks the events of the past five years have pretty much invalidated Ozzy's drug-induced thesis, there. I mean, a massive attack in New York City, finally compelling the great nations of the world to set aside their myriad of piddling differences and make common military cause against a malevolent, shared enemy? Get real!
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4/18/2006 10:01 AM  

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