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Tom Gordon

Tom Gordon's Blother

April 20, 2006

We're All In This Together!
Guess I should probably blog, as at present, I've absolutely nothing worthwhile to say. And if that WERE the case, then I'd be too flustered with emotion/enthusiasm to arrange alphanumerics in a reasonably coherent manner. Or, worse yet, scratch out another curiously-proportioned Gordonian femme to the sudden interest of precisely three or four of y'all. Ya just can't win:

(Yes, you're welcome.)

So. This week I've been taking up a near-permanent residence at the local Department of Motor Vehicles, in a silly attempt to actually -- chortle, snort -- transfer the registration of my father's motorized box without becoming an unpaid full-time lawyer in the process. Ah, the hubris of fading youth!

And as I'm setting upon a bench hewn from the hardest, densest wood imaginable, weighed down with a ream of photocopies/printed PDFs/forms and watching a sextet of oversized vintage late-seventies science fiction television show red LED lights tick through queue numbers with all the rapidity of a Galapagos tortoise's copulation cycle, at any moment I keep expecting to hear Michael Kamen's typewriter-clacky theme from "Brazil" suddenly samba forth from the nearby speakers. (And were I one of the upper-echalon DMV civilservantthings, I'd authorize precisely that, in place of the usual inane Muzak. Hey -- at least the hapless American citizen-units waiting for Big Mommy to Officially Approve their operation of overpriced go-karts would know my people/whatevers have a sense of humor. Not a readily accessible one, admittedly.)

Anyway, between this week's Adventures in Needless Bureaucracy and, uh, last week's Adventures in Needless Bureaucracy (taxes), I've been more than a little grumpy. Dammit, if America must insist upon following "the rest of the world" over the precipice of pinheaded socialism, at least gimme an opportunity to earmark all these extorted fees and fines toward more worthwhile objectives. More sincerely dead terrorists, and their host theocratic governments shattered? Sure! Nanotech research, and anything else that'll bring the Singularity just that month or two closer? Take me, I'm yours! But noooo, instead we get infinitely lame nonessentials like protecting the stagnant marshy habitat of the Imperiled Spotted Lousewart, and the ad nauseam recognition that July is Left-Handed Inuit Librarians Without Tonsils Month. Gah... where's the fun in that?

Oh, and it appears I was hopelessly optimistic in my previous assessment of snot-nosed American irreverence, there... especially towards the Religion Of Peace™ Whose Lotus Blossoms Contemplating Followers Will Nevertheless Kill You If You Dare Make An Image Of The Prophet (or anybody ELSE for that matter, if you really want to get down to bloody-minded, cave-dwelling Koranic literalism).

Ho hum. I guess the best thing that can be said about this nauseating spectacle of Comedhimmi Central doing the ol' EuroWussy Shuffle is that (just like the Isaac Hayes/Scientology fracas) Trey Parker and Matt Stone still come out of it looking like Real American Heroes yet again. They certainly didn't make the mandated 'sensitivity' censorship easy for the leftist network honchos -- within the span of one minute CC was forced to justify 'blacking out' an image of Mohammed while simultaneously approving an image of Jesus pooping on the American flag and Dubya. The mask of Hollywood's hypocrisy and phony 'bravery' is finally off at last, methinks... hell, even the Other Side has come to appreciate the irony! (I'd fly that airline, yessir. Come to think of it, I'll happily confess a desire to visit Dubai someday; it's clearly becoming an futuristic Arabian version of Coruscant, eager for Western tourism. Why, they're even building a spaceport, for Secularity's sake!)

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