Free Lunch Studios

Tom Gordon

Tom Gordon's Blother

September 25, 2006

Screw You Guys, I'm Goin' Home!
Well, suppose there could've been a far better way to break this streak of grouchy silence, than an undeserved cameo by one of my lame insult-spouting indestructible bounty hunters, circa 1982. Then again, after the last glorious color-and-mammaries-filled entry, almost anything would've been a step up (or down, if your esthetic tastes/moral degeneracy matches mine). But if we also consider recent discourse in that otherwise useless cesspool of posturing gangsters and death-worshiping psychopaths laughably called the 'United Nations' -- then Snits Cosmocan's reappearance really IS in full compliance with the present simpleminded fourth-grade-schoolyard Spirit Of The Age.

Yes, some generational cycle, I'll get around to scanning all the rest of the "D.B." installments. They'll be most illuminating, especially for those of you out there who've already concluded (after scoping FLS' mountains of self-indulgent tripe) that I'm a hateful hate-mongering hate-ball. Believe me, none of this present rambly sarcastic-incoherent stuff even holds a candle to the violent nastiness I'd scrawled as a kid -- where dialogue like "eat THIS!" and "DIE!" got regularly passed as 'witty' repartee. And oh, the corny epithets! The zero-dimensional characterizations! "Artwork" that, in one glimpse, would suck away ten IQ points forever (assuming you failed your saving throw against Mind Stultifyingly Dull Imagery, of course).

And oh, how I DO miss it...

Ahem. In any case, I've heard many of my 'fellow travelers' claim that last week's circus was the final straw breaking the camel's back out on a limb, yadda yadda -- as if the UN's previous sixty years were any shining record of idealistic utopian internationalism triumphant. That, henceforth, we should abandon the grand fraud immediately and start up a competing global-gub'mint organization -- comprised of truly free, democratic countries -- such as the 'Anglosphere', Japan, India, et al. -- and set the unhinged orb to rights again. Y'know, kinda like how "The Real Ghostbusters" was far superior to Filmation's "Ghost Busters." (Okay, admittedly those 'fellow travelers' DID tend to get a wee bit goofy with their analogies.)

My own cartoon-derived take is somewhat different though. I think the remnant patchwork of fascist/commie/banana states would then -- after forming a cocoon, or something -- metamorphose into an organization similar to Hanna Barbera's mid-seventies 'Legion of Doom', with a membership of wacky hand-chafing villains who'd pool their ill-gained resources for this week's planetary domination bid. Presumably at ten frames per second. Maybe even inside a suspiciously Vader-shaped structure too, if they're lucky enough and the considerably less gullible/tolerant 'Real UN' doesn't nuke 'em flat.

So you can probably say I'm not an advocate of that route. Better to just scrap the existing structure of corrupt bureaucrats, rewrite the gawd-awful Charter, and more-or-less wait for gold-tossing naked women to magically rain down from the sky (this last possibility being far more likely than the rest). On the other hand, it's also a source of mucho puzzlement when enlightened transnational globetrotting souls who rant on about AMERICAN HEGEMONY at social occasions always reflexively balk at this notion of the US doing a Cartman shuffle:

"...yes, I do think my country's an evil ignorant overweight petro-sucking Gaia-raping imperial empire, arrogantly overextending itself foisting <roll eyes>"democracy"</roll eyes> and Chicken McNuggets upon the Rest Of The World while ignoring pressing problems at home. But withdrawing from the United Nations? Why, that's just silly crazy nutty isolationism!"


Post a Comment

<< Home

Previous Drivel

  • Screw You Guys, I'm Goin' Home!