Free Lunch Studios

Tom Gordon

Tom Gordon's Blother

December 31, 2006

Olde School hand-coded HTML (yuck!) note to all: as of today and o'er the past couple of weeks, my Blogger account hasn't been functioning. Comments and entries can still be added, but for Ghu knows what reason, nothing's being uploaded here. Anyway, hopefully this situation should (read: better damned well) be rectified after the holidays. In the meantime, since I'm not keen on posting the final Escher Ripoff Christmas card art yet, please enjoy(?) a recent hastily scrawled gutter-minded jokey-sexist recognition of the impending New Year, instead:

And believe me, you'd very much rather download big-nippled zaftig goodness right now, than my highly acidic observations about fellow Graciously Apolitical co-celebrators over the season, and the tidbits of indisputable wisdom they'd all-too-freely dispensed (when not pointing and screaming Body Snatchers-style at household religious iconography, of course). Some notable examples:

"I think Democratic sweeps in the US Congress have fundamentally altered America at a quantum level. People just seem inherently happier now, the water and air tastes cleaner, and the entire national landscape just feels so much brighter than usual. Such is the wondrous healing power of a fifteen-cent minimum wage raise."

"Boy, it's warm outside! You, uh, seen that Al Gore documentary about global warming yet? It's great, I loved it! Did you know that by 2075 New York City's flooded streets will be clogged with thousands of bobbing stinking decomposing maggot-filled corpses bloated up like balloons from the heat, unless we do something now? Did you know that MASSIVE HIDEOUS BURNING DEATH is just around the corner for every single one of us, unless we do something now? Did you know..."

"Saddam Hussein was a kindly old man who'd never had anything against America and loved his own people dearly and never even HEARD of al Qaeda and was just a great, strong leader whose fatherly presence held his peaceful and prosperous nation together and now he's just another innocent victim of American aggression."

So, needless to say, my resolution for 2007 involves (among many other dubious objectives) seeking out and finding people I can hang around with in a social setting whose glib pronouncements won't make me want to kill myself/them/both.

Happy New Year!

December 8, 2006

Daze of Infamy
Behold, Free Lunch Studios' tenth consecutive homegrown Euphemistic Holiday Card (unrendered)! And almost certainly the last, as quite honestly this silly annual ritual lost its appeal for me 'round 2001 or so. No, the Christmas season (okay, I oppressed thee, call the ACLU) is reserved for eggnog guzzlement, watchin' Laurel and Hardy lay the sharp pointy smackdown upon overly-padded Bogeymen, and usual drunken pining for gothy lost loves. Not sitting bleary-eyed in front of Adobe Photoshop, by gum!

Yup. Let it never be said again (or even once!) that Thomas "File Off The Serial Numbers" Gordon is a geysering font of originality. For pinching Escher's supra-rational visuals twas contemptible practice enough. Commit that same crime twice, and you've pretty much consigned yourself to the Abyss of Derivative Artistic Mediocrity for all eternity. (Well, that -- or else the Timelessly Wealthy Realm of Hollywood. Same difference...)

Ah, and four kilobytes of exceedingly sarcastic, embittered rambling about yesterday's 65th anniversary of Pearl Harbor -- and how Baby Boomers (and their Gen X-Y-Z thrall) just loooove to spring big throbbing nostalgic tents over long-past American conflagrations against tyrannical fascism while actively subverting the one we're engaged in today -- duly snipped, in the interest of Collective Seasonal Bliss. Yes, may your respective Shaven Yak Day be ever free of my buzz-killing political vitriol. Or somethin'.

Also scrawled a somewhat related (and wholly geeky/pathetic) treatise on the inherent problems in reviving a certain filmic 'franchise' today. But fortunately enough, a picture's worth a thousand words, and this cryptic spot illo pretty much explains it all.

(Still stumped? Contemplate the acronym 'PKE', my friend. And then weep, most profusely. Or even risk your career writing a daring, clever script.)

December 1, 2006

Drawin' Fool
Wow. That didn't take long!

A little rapid-fire something for Ten Ton Studios' first-ever digital art contest. In case y'all were wondering, the players are Vash the Stampede from "Trigun" and Faye Valentine from "Cowboy Bebop". And no, I'm not a big Japanime fan, but this obscure, quirky couplet was far more preferable/interesting to render in Photoshop than the cringeworthy alternative. Namely, over-exposed, over-muscled men in tights. Shudder.
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