Free Lunch Studios

Tom Gordon

Tom Gordon's Blother

April 30, 2007

Distributed Stupidity
Insert pent-up Wilhelm Scream here.

If y'all hadn't noticed earlier, for the very first time in its decade-long history, my website got shut down because of excessive bandwidth usage -- too much downloading goin' on. I'm not sure whether to be pleased or annoyed about this, as one of the immediate (and incredibly annoying) things Earthlink did when they swallowed up Mindspring back in '01 was scrap my daily web statistics. So who the smeg knows what happened? Maybe a higher-traffic site linked to me one day? Or some vengeful 1337 h4qu3r type -- hellbent on ensuring that all human discourse assume a uniform monotone of Apologetic Quasi Religious Self Loathing cometh Ira Einhorn Earth Day 2007 -- deliberately archived FLS' 40-megabyte blasphemous entirety over and over again? Or perhaps the site's popularity had just been steadily increasing ever since I started this 'Blother' idiocy -- and it finally hit the ceiling last month? Whatever the case may be, I'm now in the process of tediously spreading out some of the site content to other aliases (aliaii?), effectively tripling the data limit. Of course, I could also break up FLS over ten addresses -- or better yet, tell my host YOU FELLATE MULE TESTICLES and move to another, less infuriating/impersonal ISP altogether. (Perish the thought...)

At any rate, s'probably just as well, as these past few weeks have been one disastrous crisis after another for yours truly. Beginning when a krovvy lump -- the red, red vino, my little droogies! -- got hacked up one fine morning. Oopsie. Contracted pneumonia, both lungs -- but the ol' meatware was apparently too retarded to make me aware of that little life-threatening fact. A couple more painful maladies appeared shortly thereafter, and then there was always my pet Incurable Disorder Which Must Not Be Named -- but enough of that whinage. Dum de dum dum de dum dum de dum OOOOhhhhweeeeooo...

That's supposed to be Timelord Numero Diez and Ms. Tyler -- haven't been able to viddy the third season Martha episodes yet. Truth be told, I'd actually been something of a "Doctor Who" aficionado, growing up. Or rather the Tom Baker episodes a certain snow-filled local UHF station broadcasted each week out of Outer Mongolia, whose otherwise craptacular video reception you still couldn't receive unless you pointed a television's bunny-ear antenna in such a way that maximized the chances of gouged-out eyeballs for everybody walking into the living room.

IAE, though the new series is a major hoot (especially bits where they affectionately rationalize dated stuff like the Tardis' appearance and Daleks' lethal toilet plungers -- EXTRICATE!), I sometimes miss the original half-hour format, with its occasionally arbitrary/laughable 'cliffhanger' endings. Oh sure, you'd complain and get frustrated over the lack of plot resolution -- but absolutely nothing would keep a hopeless addict like yourself from tuning in yet again seven days later. Er -- well, almost nothing. Eventually those aforementioned death-tenna rituals got on everybody's nerves, and before long someone 'accidentally' snapped off the UHF knob. To add insult to injury, a few years later I crossed paths with an astonishingly pretty blonde gal in one of my AV classes, who was completely obsessed with all things Whovian. Naturally all my nerdly, endearing knowledge about the series had conveniently dissipated by then -- while that massive compendium of useless PopCult trivia called 'the Internet' was still in its embryonic stages, an exclusive realm populated only by savvy university students, scientists and gub'mint types. AUGH!

(But hey, chalk another one up for the cultural Anglosphere, eh? If an ignorant rednecked Guardian/BBC-loathing Yank like me can still name all the Pythons, pre-ordered "Deathly Hollows", smugly peppers his blog entries with bits of Nasdat and laughs out loud at Rose T.'s supposedly UK-exclusive lines like "oh my God, I'm a chav!" or "Not exactly the NHS, is it?" -- then there's hope yet!)
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