News Report from VR World Headquarters

July 1997
As I was saying earlier, the RP has been making preparations for an extensive reconaisance mission into the back country to document the newly discovered petroglyphs. Last week, while riding out in that general vicinity to establish a base camp, we had a rather unusual encounter. Much to our surprise we ran into a group of NASA scientists (obviously trespassing) trudging about with an APXS machine (Alpha Proton X-Ray Spectrometer). As the machine was apparantly very cumbersome and they were quite a ways from the nearest road our curiosity got the better of us and we rode over to ask just what exactly they thought they were doing on ranch property. After a lively discussion amongst themselves and some hooey about "image compression" and "reflectance spectra" they seemed to relax a bit and very sheepishly began to reveal an elaborate hoax they were hoping to perpetrate on the "citizens of planet earth". Yes... I'm afraid those were their exact words. Slowly they let it slip that they were part of the same team responsible for faking the lunar landing some 20 years ago in a Hollywood sound stage. Now NASA was working on a new operation producing photos from "the surface of Mars". Their head man reached into his briefcase and handed the photo below to the RP who was now fairly amused by these interlopers. With the millions of dollars they were "saving" the American tax payer by NOT going to Mars, they hoped to redirect the allocated funds into the maintainence of the National Park system. As we all resoundingly approved of this idea we decided to invite them back to The Bunk House for dinner and later took them up on the roof to show them our telescope. As a consideration for our efforts and silence they promised to send us the REAL Hubble Space Telescope which also never really made it into space but is hidden away in three self storage mini units in Tenafly, New Jersey

Also of interest is the fact that the RP has recently purchased a private rail car in order to facilitate the fine art of domestic travel. Actually, it's an old caboose that we found at the end of a trail head up near Livingston, Montana. After some initial modifications, the addition of a library, sitting room and tiny kitchen it's just about ready to roll. It turns out that Jesper is quite a superb woodworker and he's taken it upon himself to carve a freize for the small library on board. He's busily working away in the garden on his project using wood from an old stand of Douglas Fir trees he found just over the ridge. The carved scene depicts the entire scope of constructing and erecting the Moai on Easter Island. No one has the heart to tell him that perhaps a freize showing some of the historical events here at the ranch would have been more appropriate. Anyway he's almost finished and we're hoping the car will be ready for the RP to take to Bolivia for the third annual conference on the disapearance of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. The RP hopes to finally disprove the mistaken idea that they ended their days "down south" and present documented forensic evidence of their final resting place here at the ranch. Come December, we're hoping we can use the car to go to the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Finals in Las Vegas.

We're still inundated with grasshoppers here and the fishing is quite good at the moment. Mr. Davies has extracted himself from the caves and is up and flying again. As a matter of fact he flew by when we were out talking with the NASA scientists, dropping some leaflets about an upcoming Mingus Festival in town.

Yours truly, V.S.O.P. Hickock Ranch Reporter