Somebody hold him down. Hand me that hacksaw, will you? Thanks. Now watch.
Start at the elbow and just go right on through. It's fairly tough bone
but with a fresh blade you can... hold him down, dammit! I can't work when
he's twitching! Sheez... anyway, I was saying, just keep at it until you
get through the joint, and *don't* try to cheat by snapping it off halfway.
We want a clean job here. Almost got it... there! Wipe off the blade -
thanks - and let's go on to the next arm.
Here we want to go in between the middle and ring fingers, through the
palm, and laterally bisect the wrist. God DAMMIT, hold him down, I said.
OK - the webbing between the fingers tends to gum the blade up a little,
so remember to keep it clean. Good, that's a nice job. Straight to the
wrist. Uh huh, uh huh, looking good... perfect! Now go up the forearm a
little ways, just enough to separate the forearm bones... good. Hand me
the soldering iron, please. Is it hot? Good - this goes right here in the
split. Careful, the smell is a little strong until you're used to it.
The last step here is to do something about the noise. What I'd like us to
try today is a technique I call 'Cenobiting'. I'll need the hammer and that
box of roofing nails. HEY - this is the last fucking time I'm going to ask
you to HOLD HIM DOWN. For God's sake, keep him there. Now. This part is
pretty easy - just start pounding nails into his skull until he shuts the
fuck up. Here, like this. Stay away from the face, because the bone is a
little thin there and shatters easily. We want solid skull. Who'd like to
try? You? Here you go - hit it square on, so the nail doesn't bend. Good
The rest of you, let's start cleaning up. Somebody wipe off the hacksaw.
Toxic megacolon is a severe dilation of the transverse colon which occurs
when inflammation spreads from the mucosa through the remaining layers of
the colon. The colon becomes paralyzed, which can lead to eventual
bursting of the colon. -- Inflammatory Bowel Disease FAQ
Example of internet evil Re: My fantasy of "The Nose"
4 Oct 1996 02:44:57 GMT
email@example.com (Andrew J. Testa)
SubGenius Police Auxilliary
talk.politics.animals, alt.fan.alan-keyes, alt.neo-tech, alt.fan.karl-malden.nose,
In article <firstname.lastname@example.org>, some sick bastard wrote:
I just had the extreme misfortune to run across this article after doing a
search on the term "spider monkey." This sick bastard wrote a disgusting
rape fantasy where he imagines himself to be a monkey asaulting a
stranger. I've spent years working to rehabilitate monkeys
psychologically damaged by researchers no different from this bigot.
Animals can be severely damaged by abuse of this kind, and it deeply
disturbs those of us who have to deal with it on a regular basis. This is
the kind of filth that needs to be wiped out. By any means needed. The
damn liberals would let scum like this teach our children and flaunt their
illness in the name of "progressive non-descrimination." To me, it's an
abomination that should be burned away. I implore you not to read it but
to let your legislators and news media know about it.
************ WARNING: filth below ********************************
> I have this recurring fantasy.
> I'm a monkey.
> Not a cute monkey mind you, but a strong monkey, a good 45 pound spider
> monkey, lean and mean. My limbs are incredibly long, all sinew and tight
> muscle. I EAT cute little TV and organ-grinder monkeys. I'm a mean,
> wild, strong male spider monkey.
> And I wait.
> I follow him easily. In the noisy city he can't hear me as I brachiate
> through the few trees that line the street outside his spacious condo. I
> take to the building facades when necessary, deftly keeping pace with my
> quarry, my obsession. The trim black hat is easy to track, not least of
> which since his movements are so predictable. Some days I fly ahead,
> perching on a cornice to wait for him to catch up. I catch site of him
> two blocks away. I watch with growing excitement as he approaches. The
> face crystalizes below the hat as he approaches and I sway anxiously as he
> gets closer. The round full cheeks, well lined...the small dark
> eyes...the short neck...all are seen and quickly passed over as I stare at
> the Nose.
> Yes, the Nose. The object of my fascination: so large and round, those
> huge, hair-rimmed nostrils. I feel my small monkey penis begin to stir.
> I scramble around the corner as he passes, staring at the Nose as best I
> can. My monkeyhood is definitely rigid now, a burning red lance that begs
> me for gratification NOW, but I force myself to go on, following my quarry
> up the final block to the condo. I stop, rewarding myself with a few
> tentative whacks while he fumbles his keys out and lets himself into the
> lobby, heading for the small courtyard within.
> The courtyard. It is time.
> I scramble up the wall and hurl myself onto the roof, twisting to keep my
> turgid monkeymember clear of the stonework and run awkwardly in a
> fourlegged crab gait across the asphalt roof to the open courtyard
> within. He's just entering now. Crossing the brick walk towards the
> private entrance on the other side. And he is alone. I must do it now.
> NOW! I throw myself into the air with a shriek, crashing into the big oak
> below and thrashing my way down, straight towards him. He starts at my
> shrill cry of lust, whirls around in fear and stumbles as he backs away
> and he finally SEES me and the eyes go wide as I leap the final distance
> and spread my limbs and THUD! I land right on top of him! I slam into his
> face staggering him back against the wall as I shriek again and wrap my
> spindly arms and legs around his head, digging my nails into his tender
> skin as my hips begin their uncommanded gyrations, my burning hot monkey
> love-stick beating his face and finally, with a gasp of triumph, it hits
> home! My monkey-tool quickly fills the nostril and my slimy monkey pre-cum
> lubricates it easily after the first dozen dry thrusts, my shrieks of
> pleasure drowning his frantic cries of suprise and alarm. I thrust
> harder, HARDER, my primal monkey lust driving me to an ever increasing
> frenzy of pure animal nostril fucking.
> He falls back against the wall again, his screams muffled by my dense ass
> fur and the base of my tail as my swollen balls beat a pounding staccatto
> rythymn on his upper lip. His hands flail on my back and sides in a vain
> attempt to pry me loose, but I just dig my nails deeper into the back of
> his neck. My eyes have long since stopped to register anything as I
> mercilessly wail my monkey-club into his nostrils. I switch often, a
> dozen quick thrusts to the left, then a dozen more to the right. My furry
> asss is a blur and my open mouth drools onto the top of his bald head, the
> hat long lost. Faster, Faster, I feel the end, oh god the Nose is so damn
> good, no monkey bitch was EVER like this, oh god, I feel it, I feel...
> AAAHHHHHH!! I bite down hard as I blast a wad of monkey-gut into the
> nostril, feverishly pumping the last of my primate lust into that famous
> He has stopped struggling, stopped screaming. I withdraw quickly,
> launching from his shoulders back to the lower limb of the oak and turn to
> see him collapse onto the walkway. His face is a mess. His cheeks are
> smeared with blood. It drips off his chin onto his now-crumpled white
> shirt. Two wide streams of blood, thinned now with monkey-spunk, run over
> his lips and into his mouth. But I really see only the Nose. So
> brutalized, it's as red as my now-shrivelled monkey-piston. Battered and
> bruised, but still magnificent. I catch my breath, only for a few seconds
> though, then I'm off.
> Up onto the roof, I am soon lost into the urban jungle to finally rest and
> recover from my spent passions. I am content, for now. For now. But
> soon enough, I'll be back. To watch, at first. To follow. To admire
> that sexiest of all noses. And, eventually, to sate my all-encompassing
> monkey-lust. It is always this way, but he is always there. He always
> knows I'm coming back. I think, sometimes, that he waits with the same
> growing excitement as I do...
Acid's like a woman: A good one will eat right through your pants.
- Mel Gibson
Monkey abuser to be charged! Re: Clueless about monkey abuse
14 Oct 1996 23:12:40 GMT
email@example.com (Andrew J. Testa)
SubGenius Police Auxilliary
talk.politics.animals, alt.fan.alan-keyes, alt.neo-tech, alt.fan.karl-malden.nose,
1 , 2 , 3 , 4
I have good news for everyone reading who cares about animal welfare. I've
been in contact with the district attorney in the city where the abuser
lives. It is quite possible that charges will be filed against him. If
they are (thank the Lord), I have worked out a deal where the city will
ask that the abuser be given community service time which will be spent
working in my facility with abused monkeys. Maybe then he'll think before
commiting such egregious abuse of innocent animals. Our freedoms exist
within certain bounds, and both the law and the Lord see to it that
freedom is not misdefined as "do whatever you want." I want to thank all
of you who have written with support, and in answer to your questions I
have outlined our methods below. Please remember that my account at work
is "firstname.lastname@example.org" and I can easily forward press releases from
there on rehabilitating abused monkeys.
People in general are sadly mistaken when then assume that sexual abuse is
only a human problem. Sexual abuse as a result of animal experimentation
is so common that it has become a significant part of my rehabilitation
work. It is also one of the hardest forms of abuse to reverse. Most animal
rehabilitation agencies that prepare captive animals for wild release fail
to take this into account, and the results are disasterous. Basically only
trained to find food and recognize their own kind, these monkeys and
chimps can't relate to healthy sexuality. They quickly become predators,
seeking out and abusing others of their kind and frequently physically
abusing themselves in a sick continuation of their original behavioral
Without the care I can give them, they soon die from the self-inflicted
lacerations, bruises, and blistering and the inevitable infection. Add to
this the trauma inflicted on their wild-born cousins and the potential for
attacks on any human populations and you have an epidemic of sexual abuse
wherever primates are being released. The alternative is a rehabilitive
service that eradicates the harmful urges induced by the animals' former
captives. We use a pleasure stimulus response system. No pain is used
since most of the animals seek out ANY response, which is why they
frequently will cause themselves severe physical injury to induce any kind
of feeling, the more intense the better.
We place a restrictive shield around the animal's waist to prevent it from
reaching it's genitals, then begin conditioning the animal to associate
sexual imagery with only pleasant feelings. The monkey is shown images of
others of it's species in courtship behavior and is rewarded with food
whenever it sits and watches without attempting to harm itself. We proceed
to more involved courtship images and then to video of matings. During
this the animal gets food, and when it becomes more docile, a staff member
will provide touching and caresses. This graduates up to where the animal
views full video of actual mating behavior while a staff member, using a
monkey puppet to represent a partner, gently stimulates the patient so
long it maintains a docile attitude. The monkey patient soon learns that
inappropriate behavior leads to NO stimulus, while appropriate behavior
leads to an increasingly pleasurable experience.
It occurs to me that certain human animals that have taken exception to my
participation in stopping this animal abuser could benefit from the same
style of treatment.
What I have done online here is no less than a continuation of that work:
to prevent the sexual abuse of monkeys in experimental conditions by
cutting off the abusers before they get close enough to cause harm. I have
stopped a predator from committing any more atrocious acts against those
who cannot defend themselves. This person will never again spin such lurid
tales of depravity and abuse.
That's the good news. The bad news is that there are a vocal minority who
believe that a "play-by-play" account of animal abuse is "fun," as can be
seen by some of the depraved responses I've recieved.
> In article <email@example.com> firstname.lastname@example.org
(Andrew J. Testa) writes:
> >Pardon my intrusion into your cute little world. I just followed up to
> >the original crap. I had hoped someone on the other end of the newsgroups
> >line would see how wrong this is. If you want to fester in here that's
> >fine with me, but don't expect MY prayers. Yeah, I know you don't want
> >them. Don't bother. But you might think a bit differently if you had
> >seen all the horrendously abused monkey I've had to deal with. Do you
> >know that Universities perform all kinds of tortuous sexual experiments on
> >monkeys that leave the poor animals in such a demented state that they'll
> >attack people just like the original piece of garbage described in his
> >little "fantasy?" I've had to deal with them afterwards when they aren't
> >"safe" for the humane graduate students to handle anymore. Some night I
> >can't sleep because of it. Most are too broken to do anything but mash
> >their genitals into the cages until they're torn and bleeding. And it
> >just makes me seeth with rage to see people make jokes about it. You go
> >ahead and make your funny little "free speech" rant about booger-eating
> >stories, but I can't let people get away with creating an atmosphere where
> >it's considered "funny" to torture animals. I've complained vigorously to
> >the asshole's ISP and I'm in the process now of tracking down where he
email@example.com (Filthy McNasty) wrote:
> Take your action, laughable as it may be. I can tell you that
> your efforts will be unrewarding and futile, but do them anyway.
See above. While you cast spittle on your keyboard, I am getting things
done. Who's the impotent one?
> I'll revel in your frustration. At the very best, his account
> will be yanked, but he and others just like him will pop up
> on different servers, and you'll be back to square one, as one
> supposes you spend most of your life.
See above. He'll soon be working for me cleaning monkey cages of the blood
and semen and torn flesh that are brought about by his kind. He'll get to
see in person the tortured animals he so glibly describes in scenes of
rape and abuse. You never know, this may be the best thing that ever
happened to him. He may not only come to see the worth of my work, but
come to see how it fits into the Lord's plan. Who knows, he may even
decide to stay on and become a staff member, getting hands-on experience
in rehabilitive training.
"Acid's like a woman: A good one Andy Testa
will eat right through your pants." firstname.lastname@example.org
-Mel Gibson Vote Dobbs/Xenu in 96!