Somebody hold him down. Hand me that hacksaw, will you? Thanks. Now watch.

Start at the elbow and just go right on through. It's fairly tough bone

but with a fresh blade you can... hold him down, dammit! I can't work when

he's twitching! Sheez... anyway, I was saying, just keep at it until you

get through the joint, and *don't* try to cheat by snapping it off halfway.

We want a clean job here. Almost got it... there! Wipe off the blade -

thanks - and let's go on to the next arm.

Here we want to go in between the middle and ring fingers, through the

palm, and laterally bisect the wrist. God DAMMIT, hold him down, I said.

OK - the webbing between the fingers tends to gum the blade up a little,

so remember to keep it clean. Good, that's a nice job. Straight to the

wrist. Uh huh, uh huh, looking good... perfect! Now go up the forearm a

little ways, just enough to separate the forearm bones... good. Hand me

the soldering iron, please. Is it hot? Good - this goes right here in the

split. Careful, the smell is a little strong until you're used to it.

The last step here is to do something about the noise. What I'd like us to

try today is a technique I call 'Cenobiting'. I'll need the hammer and that

box of roofing nails. HEY - this is the last fucking time I'm going to ask

you to HOLD HIM DOWN. For God's sake, keep him there. Now. This part is

pretty easy - just start pounding nails into his skull until he shuts the

fuck up. Here, like this. Stay away from the face, because the bone is a

little thin there and shatters easily. We want solid skull. Who'd like to

try? You? Here you go - hit it square on, so the nail doesn't bend. Good

job! Next?

The rest of you, let's start cleaning up. Somebody wipe off the hacksaw.



Toxic megacolon is a severe dilation of the transverse colon which occurs

when inflammation spreads from the mucosa through the remaining layers of

the colon. The colon becomes paralyzed, which can lead to eventual

bursting of the colon. -- Inflammatory Bowel Disease FAQ




Example of internet evil Re: My fantasy of "The Nose"


4 Oct 1996 02:44:57 GMT

From: (Andrew J. Testa)


SubGenius Police Auxilliary


talk.politics.animals,, alt.neo-tech,,

alt.slack, alt.tasteless




In article <>, some sick bastard wrote:

I just had the extreme misfortune to run across this article after doing a

search on the term "spider monkey." This sick bastard wrote a disgusting

rape fantasy where he imagines himself to be a monkey asaulting a

stranger. I've spent years working to rehabilitate monkeys

psychologically damaged by researchers no different from this bigot.

Animals can be severely damaged by abuse of this kind, and it deeply

disturbs those of us who have to deal with it on a regular basis. This is

the kind of filth that needs to be wiped out. By any means needed. The

damn liberals would let scum like this teach our children and flaunt their

illness in the name of "progressive non-descrimination." To me, it's an

abomination that should be burned away. I implore you not to read it but

to let your legislators and news media know about it.

************ WARNING: filth below ********************************

> I have this recurring fantasy.


> I'm a monkey.

> Not a cute monkey mind you, but a strong monkey, a good 45 pound spider

> monkey, lean and mean. My limbs are incredibly long, all sinew and tight

> muscle. I EAT cute little TV and organ-grinder monkeys. I'm a mean,

> wild, strong male spider monkey.


> And I wait.


> I follow him easily. In the noisy city he can't hear me as I brachiate

> through the few trees that line the street outside his spacious condo. I

> take to the building facades when necessary, deftly keeping pace with my

> quarry, my obsession. The trim black hat is easy to track, not least of

> which since his movements are so predictable. Some days I fly ahead,

> perching on a cornice to wait for him to catch up. I catch site of him

> two blocks away. I watch with growing excitement as he approaches. The

> face crystalizes below the hat as he approaches and I sway anxiously as he

> gets closer. The round full cheeks, well lined...the small dark

> eyes...the short neck...all are seen and quickly passed over as I stare at

> the Nose.


> Yes, the Nose. The object of my fascination: so large and round, those

> huge, hair-rimmed nostrils. I feel my small monkey penis begin to stir.

> I scramble around the corner as he passes, staring at the Nose as best I

> can. My monkeyhood is definitely rigid now, a burning red lance that begs

> me for gratification NOW, but I force myself to go on, following my quarry

> up the final block to the condo. I stop, rewarding myself with a few

> tentative whacks while he fumbles his keys out and lets himself into the

> lobby, heading for the small courtyard within.


> The courtyard. It is time.


> I scramble up the wall and hurl myself onto the roof, twisting to keep my

> turgid monkeymember clear of the stonework and run awkwardly in a

> fourlegged crab gait across the asphalt roof to the open courtyard

> within. He's just entering now. Crossing the brick walk towards the

> private entrance on the other side. And he is alone. I must do it now.

> NOW! I throw myself into the air with a shriek, crashing into the big oak

> below and thrashing my way down, straight towards him. He starts at my

> shrill cry of lust, whirls around in fear and stumbles as he backs away

> and he finally SEES me and the eyes go wide as I leap the final distance

> and spread my limbs and THUD! I land right on top of him! I slam into his

> face staggering him back against the wall as I shriek again and wrap my

> spindly arms and legs around his head, digging my nails into his tender

> skin as my hips begin their uncommanded gyrations, my burning hot monkey

> love-stick beating his face and finally, with a gasp of triumph, it hits

> home! My monkey-tool quickly fills the nostril and my slimy monkey pre-cum

> lubricates it easily after the first dozen dry thrusts, my shrieks of

> pleasure drowning his frantic cries of suprise and alarm. I thrust

> harder, HARDER, my primal monkey lust driving me to an ever increasing

> frenzy of pure animal nostril fucking.


> He falls back against the wall again, his screams muffled by my dense ass

> fur and the base of my tail as my swollen balls beat a pounding staccatto

> rythymn on his upper lip. His hands flail on my back and sides in a vain

> attempt to pry me loose, but I just dig my nails deeper into the back of

> his neck. My eyes have long since stopped to register anything as I

> mercilessly wail my monkey-club into his nostrils. I switch often, a

> dozen quick thrusts to the left, then a dozen more to the right. My furry

> asss is a blur and my open mouth drools onto the top of his bald head, the

> hat long lost. Faster, Faster, I feel the end, oh god the Nose is so damn

> good, no monkey bitch was EVER like this, oh god, I feel it, I feel...

> AAAHHHHHH!! I bite down hard as I blast a wad of monkey-gut into the

> nostril, feverishly pumping the last of my primate lust into that famous

> Nose.


> He has stopped struggling, stopped screaming. I withdraw quickly,

> launching from his shoulders back to the lower limb of the oak and turn to

> see him collapse onto the walkway. His face is a mess. His cheeks are

> smeared with blood. It drips off his chin onto his now-crumpled white

> shirt. Two wide streams of blood, thinned now with monkey-spunk, run over

> his lips and into his mouth. But I really see only the Nose. So

> brutalized, it's as red as my now-shrivelled monkey-piston. Battered and

> bruised, but still magnificent. I catch my breath, only for a few seconds

> though, then I'm off.


> Up onto the roof, I am soon lost into the urban jungle to finally rest and

> recover from my spent passions. I am content, for now. For now. But

> soon enough, I'll be back. To watch, at first. To follow. To admire

> that sexiest of all noses. And, eventually, to sate my all-encompassing

> monkey-lust. It is always this way, but he is always there. He always

> knows I'm coming back. I think, sometimes, that he waits with the same

> growing excitement as I do...



Acid's like a woman: A good one will eat right through your pants.

- Mel Gibson



Monkey abuser to be charged! Re: Clueless about monkey abuse


14 Oct 1996 23:12:40 GMT

From: (Andrew J. Testa)


SubGenius Police Auxilliary


talk.politics.animals,, alt.neo-tech,,

alt.slack, alt.tasteless


1 , 2 , 3 , 4


I have good news for everyone reading who cares about animal welfare. I've

been in contact with the district attorney in the city where the abuser

lives. It is quite possible that charges will be filed against him. If

they are (thank the Lord), I have worked out a deal where the city will

ask that the abuser be given community service time which will be spent

working in my facility with abused monkeys. Maybe then he'll think before

commiting such egregious abuse of innocent animals. Our freedoms exist

within certain bounds, and both the law and the Lord see to it that

freedom is not misdefined as "do whatever you want." I want to thank all

of you who have written with support, and in answer to your questions I

have outlined our methods below. Please remember that my account at work

is "" and I can easily forward press releases from

there on rehabilitating abused monkeys.

People in general are sadly mistaken when then assume that sexual abuse is

only a human problem. Sexual abuse as a result of animal experimentation

is so common that it has become a significant part of my rehabilitation

work. It is also one of the hardest forms of abuse to reverse. Most animal

rehabilitation agencies that prepare captive animals for wild release fail

to take this into account, and the results are disasterous. Basically only

trained to find food and recognize their own kind, these monkeys and

chimps can't relate to healthy sexuality. They quickly become predators,

seeking out and abusing others of their kind and frequently physically

abusing themselves in a sick continuation of their original behavioral


Without the care I can give them, they soon die from the self-inflicted

lacerations, bruises, and blistering and the inevitable infection. Add to

this the trauma inflicted on their wild-born cousins and the potential for

attacks on any human populations and you have an epidemic of sexual abuse

wherever primates are being released. The alternative is a rehabilitive

service that eradicates the harmful urges induced by the animals' former

captives. We use a pleasure stimulus response system. No pain is used

since most of the animals seek out ANY response, which is why they

frequently will cause themselves severe physical injury to induce any kind

of feeling, the more intense the better.

We place a restrictive shield around the animal's waist to prevent it from

reaching it's genitals, then begin conditioning the animal to associate

sexual imagery with only pleasant feelings. The monkey is shown images of

others of it's species in courtship behavior and is rewarded with food

whenever it sits and watches without attempting to harm itself. We proceed

to more involved courtship images and then to video of matings. During

this the animal gets food, and when it becomes more docile, a staff member

will provide touching and caresses. This graduates up to where the animal

views full video of actual mating behavior while a staff member, using a

monkey puppet to represent a partner, gently stimulates the patient so

long it maintains a docile attitude. The monkey patient soon learns that

inappropriate behavior leads to NO stimulus, while appropriate behavior

leads to an increasingly pleasurable experience.

It occurs to me that certain human animals that have taken exception to my

participation in stopping this animal abuser could benefit from the same

style of treatment.

What I have done online here is no less than a continuation of that work:

to prevent the sexual abuse of monkeys in experimental conditions by

cutting off the abusers before they get close enough to cause harm. I have

stopped a predator from committing any more atrocious acts against those

who cannot defend themselves. This person will never again spin such lurid

tales of depravity and abuse.

That's the good news. The bad news is that there are a vocal minority who

believe that a "play-by-play" account of animal abuse is "fun," as can be

seen by some of the depraved responses I've recieved.

> In article <>

(Andrew J. Testa) writes:

> >Pardon my intrusion into your cute little world. I just followed up to

> >the original crap. I had hoped someone on the other end of the newsgroups

> >line would see how wrong this is. If you want to fester in here that's

> >fine with me, but don't expect MY prayers. Yeah, I know you don't want

> >them. Don't bother. But you might think a bit differently if you had

> >seen all the horrendously abused monkey I've had to deal with. Do you

> >know that Universities perform all kinds of tortuous sexual experiments on

> >monkeys that leave the poor animals in such a demented state that they'll

> >attack people just like the original piece of garbage described in his

> >little "fantasy?" I've had to deal with them afterwards when they aren't

> >"safe" for the humane graduate students to handle anymore. Some night I

> >can't sleep because of it. Most are too broken to do anything but mash

> >their genitals into the cages until they're torn and bleeding. And it

> >just makes me seeth with rage to see people make jokes about it. You go

> >ahead and make your funny little "free speech" rant about booger-eating

> >stories, but I can't let people get away with creating an atmosphere where

> >it's considered "funny" to torture animals. I've complained vigorously to

> >the asshole's ISP and I'm in the process now of tracking down where he

> >works. (Filthy McNasty) wrote:

> Take your action, laughable as it may be. I can tell you that

> your efforts will be unrewarding and futile, but do them anyway.

See above. While you cast spittle on your keyboard, I am getting things

done. Who's the impotent one?

> I'll revel in your frustration. At the very best, his account

> will be yanked, but he and others just like him will pop up

> on different servers, and you'll be back to square one, as one

> supposes you spend most of your life.

See above. He'll soon be working for me cleaning monkey cages of the blood

and semen and torn flesh that are brought about by his kind. He'll get to

see in person the tortured animals he so glibly describes in scenes of

rape and abuse. You never know, this may be the best thing that ever

happened to him. He may not only come to see the worth of my work, but

come to see how it fits into the Lord's plan. Who knows, he may even

decide to stay on and become a staff member, getting hands-on experience

in rehabilitive training.


"Acid's like a woman: A good one Andy Testa

will eat right through your pants."

-Mel Gibson Vote Dobbs/Xenu in 96!