You don't look so hot.

So, what's wrong, huh?

You're looking a bit pale and worn. A little tired and dragged

out. Fagged out for our friends in the Tudorian commonwealths.

 

Now, I know we can't be up all the time, but you're just

plodding along, and have for some time now. Where's your pep?

Where's your vim and vigor?

 

Here I've been hopping up and down making an idiot out of myself,

which I don't mind at all, because it usually gets you going. But

lately, you just seem so, I don't know, maybe depressed?

What is it, all the fighting and stuff? I know. That's a drag.

But look, it happens sometimes, and now it's over. So what do you say

 

 

we YANK your fucking HOG TIED THUMBS out of your ASSES and DRAG

you down the street NAKED. Huh? How about we SET FUCKING FIRE TO YOUR

HAIR? Would You WAKE UP then?

Where's your YETI GONADATROMPING? Jesus, (not you, get back to work)

you're like them monkeys in the neutron bomb experiments. Dosed with a fatal blast of neutrons that they COULDN'T DETECT and they just turned

off and waited to DIE.

WAKE UP. KICK ME. SCREAM. KILL ME.

By Grampaw Stang's Fresh New Asshole On His Old Wrinkled Butt, you

people have CRAWLED UNDER A ROCK. There used to be TWICE as much

soul burning rantrafication going on, and I don't mean just in

relative amount to the background noise, I mean in REAL LIVE

ABSOLUTE VALUE POSITIVE INTEGER NATURAL COUNTING NUMBERS.

Oh, a FEW of you come across now and then, and the STYLE and

FORM are just fine, but it's like it's an EFFORT for most of you.

You're wandering around like a boring cocktail party that nobody

wanted to go to. Like it's a fucking CHORE. Like the officer and the

minister showed up on your porch to tell you the BAD NEWS about

ALT.SLACK.

BY DOBBS I WON'T HAVE IT.

There's a whole damn UNIVERSE of EVIL SHIT out there circling around

your heads, and you're PLAYING FUCKING GAMES. This is NOT SubSite.

It's not your PERSONAL PRINT-ONLY COMIC BOOK.

Oh SURE, you talk Slack and CON and pinks and saucers.

But where's NHGH? Where's the Prescriptures? Where's the PYROFLATULATING? Where's the channeled memories of Antiquitum,

the "Bob" sightings, the Palmer/Travino Blood Feuds, the Foot Gland

exercises, the Yacatisma baiting, the Underground Clench Maneuvers,

the GIVE ME A DOLLAR OR KILL ME YETI DRIVE TO OVERCUM?

and what about G'BROAGFRAN?

You people need to take Chapter 19 out of BotSG, roll it up full of

'frop, and SMOKE the damn thing until you hit the wall of FAITHFUL

MEAT EATING BONE CRUNCHING DOBBS PRAISING PREACHER MY LEGS ON FIRE

TEETH GNASHING PLANET SMASHING FACE BASHING BLOOD RED FIRED FRENZY.

You want "Bob"? I'll give you "Bob".

"I will NOT give in; I WILL whup 'em. I WON'T GO DOWN!! We shall HOUND

them and HOUND them and nip at their heels 'till their ROTTEN DEAL

finishes ROTTING!!" -- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, Chapter 20, BotSG "Your Move"

Your Move. Get it? MOVE.

Are you going to leave your savior high and dry, fighting for the

very future? Or are you going to BACK HIM? Are you going to READ

his words, or are you going to LIVE THEM? Are you going to sit back

and wait to be entertained, or are you going to SHOW YOUR FAITH IN

DOBBS?

There's too damn many of THEM out there, and too damn few of us in

here. We have the edge, because they don't know what they're doing.

THEY don't know that they are THEY. But we'll LOSE that edge if we

don't make it WORK FOR US. EAT or BE EATEN children, EAT or BE EATEN.

Now, if this were a CHURCH, there'd be some PREACHIN'.

WHO will give me some PREACHIN'?

If this were a CHURCH, there'd be some WITNESSIN'.

WHO will DROP their DRAWERS for "Bob" and give me some WITNESSIN'?

If this were a REAL CHURCH, a HELL BREATHIN' CHURCH, a SOUL SEARIN'

CHURCH, there'd be some Minsters MINISTERIN'.

WHO will MINISTER UNTO THE RIDGE-BROWED HYOOMUN HEADS the

MINISTRATIONS OF DOBBSPAIN THEY SO BADLY NEED?

I want to SEE IT HAPPEN. I want you to MAKE ME FEEL IT.

Because if there ain't some RANTOLOGICAL CHURCHIFICATION going on

here pretty soon, if there ain't some HIGH POWERED FULL AUTO

INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC RELIGION going on, well then maybe

you think "Bob" is already dead.

And if sees things they way they are, if he ain't already,

he will be.

 

--

(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Doktor DynaSoar Iridium, Scienfictiontologist

ll ll Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot, Somedamnwhere, VA

Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, ElectroChurch of the SubGenius

Maybe they'll send you a free upgrade...NOT!