Okay, okay, okay, you guys think you have an idea that will do good:

flooding this newsgroup with canned rants.

But may I ask why?

What are we trying to accomplish?

In the case of a.b.s. there was a real problem (too many warez

dudez) and solution (chase them away).

What's alt.slack's problem?

Timothy Sutter? He's all out of steam.

Hal Philips? He's gone native.

Thomas K Odell? (who?)

alt.happyclown? (we've whethered much worse)

I don't think we have a problem now.

Spaming our own newsgroup might CAUSE a problem.

Chasing good user away.

How are we going to declare victory?

Why don't we just SAY we're going to do it and pretend we did?

Let me close with my own favorite spam: how to avoid spamming

alt.slack:

 

Dear friend,

I see that you have accidently responded a thread that

has been cross-posted into a great number of news-groups

unrelated to the topic. Although your opinions on this

topic are certainly worthy, I feel they are being

presented to people who are not interested in the topic

which can only only turn them off to your opinion.

Therefore, to help you avoid this sort of mistake in the

future, I am sending you an instructional track on how

to avoid cross-posting a post to an unwanted newsgroup

like alt.slack (spamming).

 

 

"Guide to Self-Control: Overcoming Spamming alt.slack."

:: Enlist The Power Of Masturbation

Masturbate daily, asking for the gifts of the imagination,

that which will strengthen you against the temptation to

spam alt.slack.

 

Masturbate fervently and out loud when the temptations are

the strongest.

 

When the temptation to spam alt.slack is strong, yell "Stop!"

to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind. Then

recite a portion of the pamphlet or sing a Dobbs hymn.

 

:: Exercise Your Abnormality Vigorously

Follow a program of vigorous daily abnormality exercise, which

can reduce emotional tension and depression.

Double your weirding out when you feel stress increasing.

 

:: Set Goals

Set a goal of abstinence. Begin with a day, then a week, month,

year. Finally, commit yourself to never doing it again.

Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it

with you but show it to no one.

If you spam alt.slack, color that day pink. Your goal will

be to have no pink days.

The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder, and should be

looked at when you are tempted to add another pink day.

Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.

Set up a reward system. Each time you post something good,

award yourself a quarter. Spend it on something that delights

you.

 

:: Work On Self-Improvement

Work daily on a self-improvement program. Improve your

relationships with your fellow SubGeniuses. Increase your

service to the SubGenius Foundation.

Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others

and learn to enjoy working and talking with them, even if

they think you're a Martian.

Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved

through a changed self-image.

Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in

control of your madness, easily overcoming tempting

situations.

 

:: Avoid Temptation

When posting on alt.slack, leave the door partly open.

Watch the video Arise immediately in the mornings. Don't

lie awake in bed -- start each day with enthusiastic

activity.

Avoid people, situations, pictures and reading material

that might cause you to spam alt.slack.

 

:: Use Physical Restraints

Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not

binding while on line.

Put on several layers of clothing that would be difficult

to remove while half asleep trying to respond to posts.

Hold an object -- for example, a Revelation X -- even

at night.

In severe cases, tie a hand to the terminal.

 

:: Be Alert To Emotions

Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you

to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These

emotional states can trigger the desire to spam alt.slack

as a way of escape.

Plan to counter these low periods through reading the book

of the SubGenius, going to a devival, listening to an hour

of slack, etc.

Employ aversion therapy. To cancel out the pleasurableness

of spamming alt.slack, associate something very distasteful

with the act. For example, imagine bathing in a tub of

worms and eating some of them.

 

Pastor Craig