Ahhh, yes ... the roots of the Conspiracy run deep here. But the
Harvest is nearly upon us, dear friends in "Bob"! Oh, you can look
around and say that CLINTON will be the end of us or that BIG BUSINESS
will be the end of us or those nutty members of that cult known as
[insert name of major religion here] will be the end of us ... But take
a good look around, it'll ALL be the end of us! This house of cards
we call Human society is straining under its own weight, the lies
are beginning to wear thin and we're running out of scapegoats, sooner
or later something's going to give. And where will you be then?
Oh, I hear you whistling past the graveyard, you're too SMART to be
screwed over by the End Times, but take a look at where intelligence
has gotten mankind. Oh sure, we have central heating and access to
out-of-season fruits and vegetables, but we also take in more toxins
every day than your average turn-of-the-century sweatshop factory
worker, we have less free time than hunter-gatherers, and art,
religion, and government have all proven to be dismal failures.
And they've got you LIKING it because CDs are finally coming down
No, raw intelligence is not the answer, because it misses the point.
As often as not, intelligence DISTRACTS us from what we need to survive.
Only "Bob" can usher in the Golden Age on earth, for he may well
be the dumbest man to ever live, and yet he is blessed by the alien
space god JHVH-1 himself. Ah yes, the saucers are on their way, they'll
drop their load and make off with the Chosen, and intelligence won't
save you, rampant abnormality is your only hope! For what DOES the term
"SubGenius" mean? It means that your puny human intellect will count
for nothing when the shit hits the fan; what good is that mathematics
degree when the tiger has you cornered? What really counts are the gut
instincts to help you AVOID the tiger, to see through the oh-so-carefully
crafted lies, and to recognize THEM. It doesn't matter who you think
THEY are, whether they be Democrats or Republicans or Greys or the
Advanced Supersonic Nazi Hell Creatures from beneath the Hollow Earth,
they're all mere pawns of the true sinister forces that have allowed
society to make it this far. They are all interchangeable, and they
all fear "Bob" because he CANNOT BE STOPPED! He cannot be killed --
we've tried, dammit, and he keeps escaping from Hell and selling us
shit. This is the true unstoppable nature of the Church of the
SubGenius and you may stand with us or against us but by the sacred
spew of Pee Dog we ARE the future and come 1998 you'll be BEGGING to
lose every trace of your precious "intelligence".
GET READY FOR A PRETTY TOUGH FUTURE.
Make religion a kick-ass adventure! Self-help through raising hell!
$1 for startling, informative book.
The SubGenius Foundation
P. O. Box 140306
Dallas, TX 75214
(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Doktor DynaSoar Iridium, Scienfictiontologist
ll ll Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot, Somedamnwhere, VA
Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, ElectroChurch of the SubGenius
Love of money is the root of all politics.