AP OCT 1996

Unborn Chicken militia strikes-

A masked militia leader calling himself 'SubCommandante Foghorn Leghorn'

held a press conference thursday afternoon after a series of violent

demonstrations disrupted daily dairy shopping at several area supermarkets.

Representing a group called 'CORECT' or Concerned Organization of the

Righteous Embryios of Christian Tolerance, mr Leghorn briefed reporters on his

vision of a society safe for embryos of all species, and answered questions

for half an hour, before being led away by police.

 

Militant CORECT demonstrators were seen at a nearby LUCKY's supermarket

this morning waving anti-egg signs, harranging egg shoppers, and waving grizly

placards depicting broken eggs, boiled, fried, and scrambled egg's, as well as

the infamous and bloody 'partial birth egg's, with a recognizable streak of

bloody fetus meat inside.

 

"Every day billions of unborn chickens are ruthlessly slaughtered and

even devoured by ignorant, satanic American citizens. It is time our

government put a stop to this genocide." Calling for a Constitutional

amendment against the premature slaughter of unborn chicken embryos, mr

Leghorn became irate when a reporter from the San Jose daily news questioned

him about links between Egg production and CIA Contra "Black Ops' during the

80's.

 

"The millions of American children who have become addicted to high

cholesterol egg products are being recruited into the Army of Satan. But

Satan does not need the CIA to do it's dirty work." Nevertheless allegations

have surfaced linking CORECT to clandestine egg and narcotics smuggling rings

throughout the Southern California region, funded by a shadowy network of

Indonesian and Red Chinese financiers, as well as corrupt Arkansas poultry

giant, Tyson foods.

 

Undaunted by media speculation of conspiracy and rackateering links,

CORECT activists staged an even larger demonstration later in the afernoon at

a nearby Safeway. Several scuffles broke out between CORECT demonstrators and

shoppers. "What the f**ck is wrong with these stupid ass***les, I want to

bake a cake!" said one disgruntled housewife. Store managers were equally

confused 'These are sterile eggs, none of these eggs could ever grow up to be

chickens. These people are insane...' opined one bewildered Safeway employee.

He was overheard by a nearby CORECT militant however, who stuck a large

photograph of a bloody, 'partial birth egg' in his face, crying "what about

this!? Huh? What about this!!!" and then struck him in the side of the head

repeatedly with brass knuckles, rendering him unconscious. After several

CORECT demonstrators handcuffed themselves to the dairy case, other CORECT

protestors made a vain attempt to free the eggs, rolling several dozen out of

the front door of the Safeway, where they promptly fell off the curb and

broke.

 

Clearly shaken, but with determination in his eyes, Sub

Commandante Leghorn cried "Fear not little yellow brothers, for we have not

yet begun to fight!!!"