AP OCT 1996
Unborn Chicken militia strikes-
A masked militia leader calling himself 'SubCommandante Foghorn Leghorn'
held a press conference thursday afternoon after a series of violent
demonstrations disrupted daily dairy shopping at several area supermarkets.
Representing a group called 'CORECT' or Concerned Organization of the
Righteous Embryios of Christian Tolerance, mr Leghorn briefed reporters on his
vision of a society safe for embryos of all species, and answered questions
for half an hour, before being led away by police.
Militant CORECT demonstrators were seen at a nearby LUCKY's supermarket
this morning waving anti-egg signs, harranging egg shoppers, and waving grizly
placards depicting broken eggs, boiled, fried, and scrambled egg's, as well as
the infamous and bloody 'partial birth egg's, with a recognizable streak of
bloody fetus meat inside.
"Every day billions of unborn chickens are ruthlessly slaughtered and
even devoured by ignorant, satanic American citizens. It is time our
government put a stop to this genocide." Calling for a Constitutional
amendment against the premature slaughter of unborn chicken embryos, mr
Leghorn became irate when a reporter from the San Jose daily news questioned
him about links between Egg production and CIA Contra "Black Ops' during the
"The millions of American children who have become addicted to high
cholesterol egg products are being recruited into the Army of Satan. But
Satan does not need the CIA to do it's dirty work." Nevertheless allegations
have surfaced linking CORECT to clandestine egg and narcotics smuggling rings
throughout the Southern California region, funded by a shadowy network of
Indonesian and Red Chinese financiers, as well as corrupt Arkansas poultry
giant, Tyson foods.
Undaunted by media speculation of conspiracy and rackateering links,
CORECT activists staged an even larger demonstration later in the afernoon at
a nearby Safeway. Several scuffles broke out between CORECT demonstrators and
shoppers. "What the f**ck is wrong with these stupid ass***les, I want to
bake a cake!" said one disgruntled housewife. Store managers were equally
confused 'These are sterile eggs, none of these eggs could ever grow up to be
chickens. These people are insane...' opined one bewildered Safeway employee.
He was overheard by a nearby CORECT militant however, who stuck a large
photograph of a bloody, 'partial birth egg' in his face, crying "what about
this!? Huh? What about this!!!" and then struck him in the side of the head
repeatedly with brass knuckles, rendering him unconscious. After several
CORECT demonstrators handcuffed themselves to the dairy case, other CORECT
protestors made a vain attempt to free the eggs, rolling several dozen out of
the front door of the Safeway, where they promptly fell off the curb and
Clearly shaken, but with determination in his eyes, Sub
Commandante Leghorn cried "Fear not little yellow brothers, for we have not
yet begun to fight!!!"