Brag of the SubGenius Earthworm


Tremble, pitiful Humans, at the Might of the SubGenius Earthworm.

For there is an Army of us, hidden underground.

We frequent the dark, dank places that you avoid.

We thrive in those neglected dung heaps and dirtpiles that you abandon.

We feed on your castoffs; what you consider Garbage is, to us, Sublime.

We have learned the dark secrets and forbidden science buried by those who would forget. All the strata are ours; the geologic records and mummified remains, the tombs and tomes of kings and druids; the ancient rituals heaved to the surface, the latest investigations secreted deep underground.

We are the alchemists, transmuting the mundane into Black Gold, transforming the most barren and lifeless wasteland with a byproduct that you ignorant Humans fail to appreciate, fail to understand or accept as essential. We partake of the Essence.

We will assist your rotting, we will encourage your decay. We will profit from it, grow and multiply.

Build what fortifications you will with your Exclusive Wealth and Bloated Lifestyles, with the technological goodies accumulated in a vain attempt to feed the emptiness that eats at you from within.

In the end, you are ours.

And we are Laughing at you.

Even when we dangle on your hook, another one killed for no better reason than to assuage your insecurities as you cast about, failing to catch what's missing from your puny lives, we are laughing.

Especially then. For of course we know our fate, to be swallowed by a big fish (AIIIEEEEEEEEHAHAHAHA...Gulp).

You are blind to your own Fate,

and something far worse is swimming your way.



-Rev. Random the Other-