It should be painfully obvious by now that the world as we know it won't

last too damn much longer. And what are you doing about it? Going to work

or school, coming home, goofing around. What will happen to your routine

when all the shit comes down on us at once? Don't you feel responsible for

trying to help this endangered planet?

 

No? Good. The fact is, it's too late. There isn't a god-damned thing you as

an individual can do about eco-disaster, nuclear death, overpopulation and

so on. Things are going to Hell on a fast train and about the only thing

you, or anyone else besides the Rockefellers, can do about it is to just

sit back and watch the show.

 

But remember - the End of the World may be much worse and take much longer

than you thought. The mere act of sitting at home watching everything fall

apart on your TV may be too much for even the stoutest brains to take. In

fact, the more alert and intelligent you are, the quicker you'll likely be

driven to suicide by the sheer hideousness of what you'll be seing. WILL

YOU BE READY?

WILL YOU STILL BE SANE ENOUGH TO LAUGH WHEN "THAT WHICH MUST COME TO PASS,"

COMES TO PASS? WILL YOU EVER GET SLACK??

 

Study our SubGenius "literature" closely. Keep it by your toilet and

memorize it. If you aren't as dense as most people, you'll be quick to

realize that, cheesy scam though it MIGHT WELL BE, the Church of the

SubGenius is just about the only organization around that can help you face

the god-awful facts without some kind of ingratiating, sweetness-and-light,

goody-two-shoes, pollyanna, life-is-a-bowl-of-cherries bullshit. NOT ONLY

THAT, but the Church of the SubGenius is beyond the shadow of a doubt THE

ONLY TRUE RELIGION. We perform miracles, answer ANY questions, invoke

demons, and have a direct etheric hotline to the space god JEHOVAH 1

through our infra-psychic trance-babbling Personal Savior, J. R. "BOB"

Dobbs--who is actually a pretty regular guy, just very rich and possessed

by forces greater than Man.

 

The SubGenius material has only recently been made public. This is your

chance to get in on the ground floor of a huge, lucrative cult--NOW, while

the rates are low, so that you will not only receive the immediate benefits

listed on our Application Coupon, but will also be eligible for all the

$$$, weird sex, drugs, and sheer POWER OVER OTHERS that go with

high-ranking membership in what will probably sweep this unkempt planet in

an unstoppable wave of cynical, dangerous power plays, insanely morbid

truths and panhandling, zombie-like teenage "followers."

 

For the sake of what little you still hold dear, we urge you to submit this

application so that we may determine if you are worthy to receive the

closest thing to salvation you'll ever get a whiff of.

(If you are rich, your money can buy you your own personal Church and

Congregation. Write for details.)

"Researching the Public's Fear of the Unknown Since 1953!"

T H E C H U R C H O F T H E S U B G E N I U S (TM)

P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214

http://www.subgenius.com

___________________________________________________________________________

APPLICATION COUPON AND ORDER FORM Sign Up Now and SAVE

$5,000!

To the Sacred Scribe of the FisTemple Lodge of the Church of the Subgenius:

P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214, U.S.A.

Email: slack@subgenius.com

I have___ have not___ completed the Application Questionnaire and, if I

am found worthy, or even if I am not, I will henceforth consider myself a

SubGenius or something like one, such as (fill in if applicble):

___ $30 for CHURCH MEMBERSHIP & ORDAINMENT

Includes STARK FIST subscription, Pamphlet #1, Catalog, Membership

Credentials, orientation materials, posters, documents, stickers, charts,

and such privileges which befit priesthood in a secret society of this

scope. Includes wallet-sized MEMBERSHIP CARD making you an Ordained

SubGenius Minister. !!! This is the only way to get on the permanent

mailing list and pierce the shround of secrecy which insulates the cult !!!

___ $1 for THE SUBGENIUS CATALOG

Books, posters, MEDIA BARRAGE VIDEO, CD, TAPES BEYOND BELIEF, bumper

stickers, buttons, T-shirts, gizmos, leaflets. Very detailed, a laff-

'n-salvation riot in its own right.

 

___ $1 each for SUBGENIUS PAMPHLET #1

("The World Ends Tomorrow and You MAY DIE") the one 16-page power- packed

publication that started it all. So dense with information that many

persons have gotten lost in it FOREVER. Superb introductory propaganda and

excellent for just leaving randomly in laudromats, restrooms, etc. INSTANT

SALVATION FOR ONLY ONE DOLLAR!

___ $8.50 each for CASSETTE TAPES

90 Min. each -- stereo -- color. The MEDIA BARRAGE TAPES, as heard on

radio. "Bob" speaks through his Ministers; he speaks to YOU.

Documentary/propagandoid Lessons and Revelations far beyond any present

medium .. a TOTALLY NEW GENRE. Good for over 75 close listenings.

Fast-paced, dense with shocking juxtapositions, special effects. Makes New

Wave even older than it is. Unbelievable sequences from 1) THE REAL WORLD

(radio, TV, insane preachers, weird cults), 2) THE LIVE CHURCHES OF THE

SUBGENIUS (excerpts from SubGenius radio and TV interviews, sacred trace

spouting, revivals, Doktormusick, songs, chants, rants, and preaching), and

3) LURID ENTERTAINMENT (choice clips from horror, porn, bulldada films).

Savage; joyful; monstrous. Useful for seductions.

"From a radio standpoint, it's up there with Firesign Theater, Lenny Bruce,

Monty Python, Ken Nordine, and The Shaggs. And Jean Shepherd. And Norman

Vincent Peale. And ... yes, Dobbs has forever entered our lives and

language." -- Irwin Chusid

BRAND NEW TAPES! BEST YET!

___ 10: "REPENT!" (The Conspiracy)

___ 11: "SHUT UP, PINK BOY" (Aliens + Nukes) ___ 12: "SLACK!" + Best

SubGenius Radio

___ $16.50 THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS (Ask for it at any bookstore.)

Published by McGraw-Hill. 200 pages, 8.5x11 large softbound Horror Bible.

After this, you'll never have to read another book as long as you live.

Contains all answers to everything, plus profuse illustrations and

diagrams. Encompasses life of "Bob," entire past and future history of

Earth, and all instructions you'll ever need for success, happiness, and

psychic wealth in The End Times. BEYOND "HIP" OR "FUNNY;" the "Sistine

Chapel" of the 20th Century.

___ $1.00 STICKERS

Hundreds of little lick-n-stick SubGenius ads and mysterious statements.

"Drive your hometown insane." Great for envelopes, toilet walls, etc.

TOTAL ENCLOSED: _________________________ All prices include postage.

Outside USA - ADD $2

 

 

Caution! Warning! Disclaimer!

Because the SubGenius inner mysteries, dark rites, abhorrent rituals,

loathsome secrets and repugnant initiations reach into the so-called "evil"

and "conspiratorial" realms as well as the ordinary, unforbidden sciences

and magicks, they must never be allowed to fall into the wrong hands. There

are some things Man was not meant to own, especially Regular Man; while the

use of SubGenius concepts and tools may be informative, amusing, and

effective in gaining Something for Nothing, THEY ARE NOT TOYS.

I therefore swear that I am at least 18 years of age and, furthermore, that

I will keep private all reading matter, taped discourses, graven images,

and other cult secrets. If I do not uphold this ancient trust I am prepared

to meet the Stark Fist of Removal.

SIGNED: ____________________________________________________

PRINT YOUR NAME AND MAILING ADDRESS:

MAIL TODAY!

No obligation. No Salesmen.

Name(s):

Address:

City-State and Zip:

 

The Church of the SubGenius

http://www.subgenius.com

Email: slack@subgenius.com

P.O. Box 140306

Dallas, TX 75214 USA

Make check or money order to: The

SubGenius Foundation, Inc. Money

back if not satisfied.

___________________________________________________________________________

The Church of the SubGenius APPLICATION QUESTIONNAIRE

Don't spend too long on any one question, and don't answer any if you think

they're in bad taste, which they may indeed be. Use a seperate page if

necessary. Or else just blow off this whole questionnaire. (Watch the

Newsletter for compiled results. Don't worry -- your name won't be used.)

Have you been getting any lately? How are you?

Age: Sex: Color of skin, if any:

Occupation: Monthly Earnings:

Childhood Religion: Previous Mystic Groups:

Name a couple of your favorite types or creators of: MOVIES, TV: MUSIC:

BOOKS: MAGS:

Other favorite things, hobbies:

Somewhere on this sheet, draw a simple pic of you, God, and your ego.

When you die, where will you go?

By what means would you most like to die?

How and when, if ever, do you think the world will "end" or change drastically?

The future will be fun not so fun pretty much like it is now.

Name the three most fearsome things you think face the U.S.:

Describe yourself in a few carefully chosen words:

Current Short Duration Personal Saviors, if any:

What makes you think you're a SubGenius, huh? What's the deal here? Just

what do you have to say for yourself?

YES or NO Questions

Simply put a Y or N after each question, or SO for 'sort of'

Do you sometimes look back at yourself 3 or 4 years ago and think, "God,

what a jerk?"

Do you hear voices muttering in your head, faint and indistinct? Do you use

credit cards irresponsibly in hopes of later payment? Do you get messages

from space beamed into your skull? Are you a 'packrat,' do you hoard

material goods you'll probably never use? Do you enjoy filing, stacking,

resorting them? Would you love to go looting during a riot? Do you worry

about your brain?

Do you dream of controlling the world?

When you were a child, did you torture small animals and bugs? Do you find

it utterly impossible to comprehend the opposite sex? Do you get

psychosomatic headaches?

Does your temper stay dormant most of the time, only to suddenly explode

into quasi-insane rage?

Do you like to drive fast as hell, with your car stereo cranked up all the way?

Do you often 'tune out' the world while concentrating? Do you feel you

"march to the beat of a drunken drummer?" Do you forget where you just put

things? Do you catch yourself shooting off at the mouth? Do you sometimes

want to fire a deer rifle into your TV? Do you often lie when the truth

would suffice? D you blurt out well-meant but uncouth statements and then

immediately regret it?

Do you sometimes smash the shit out of your finger when using a hammer? Do

you have spells during which you are pissed off or depressed for what you

later decide was no good reason?

Would you really rather sit around and watch TV than go out? Do you

deliberately work at an honest but menial job, even though you could be

making big $$$ as an ass-kissing executive? Do you look down on those who

would rather do idiot labor or go on the dole than try to achieve, as you

have done?

Are you fairly well assured that you're smarter than the average gazooba?

Do you get fixated on one amusing little activity and then 'go at it,' day

and night? Are you scientific rather than superstitious? Do you avoid

looking too closely at beautiful 13 year old girls? Boys? When you get

impatient with an inanimate object, do you tear it all to shit?

At night at home alone, are you sometimes convinced that Charles Manson is

in your closet?

Do you instinctively imitate dialects and mannerisms when describing a scene?

Do certain textures or noises make your skin crawl? Do you often stay up

all night?

Does money 'burn a hole in your pocket?' Does everything seem a little

unreal to you? Do you have certain secrets that no one else knows? Have you

ever had a psychic experience? Seen a UFO? Do you let jobs stack up,

rationalizing that you work better under pressure?

Does disorder in your work area drive you nuts? Do you spout broad

generalizations on subjects about which you know little or nothing?

Do you find human folly amusing? Do you live in your own little world? Do

you like to go out at night with friends, being rowdy and disturbing the

peace, drinking and terrorizing citizens? Do you get all cranked up and

make elaborate plans that will never come off in a million years?

Do you always need to fart during the most solemn occasions? When you see

someone in pain or discomfort do you laugh, or want to? Married? Divorced?

Do you have enough Slack? Do you recognize the necessity for law and order?

Do you like your job/school/chores? Paid enough? Do you compulsively read

any inane thing (labels, ads) that happens to be within vision?

Do you sometimes get the impression that EVERYBODY is out to get you? If we

invaded little countries or fought Russian with N-bombs, would you coddle

draft dodgers? Would you get the fuck out of the country? Do people

consider you odd?

Do you have different personalities according to who you're talking to? Do

you sometimes make faces, sing, twitch, etc. for no sane reason? Would you

just as soon let others make the tedious decisions? Do you behave

differently with family than with friends? Does everything always take

twice as long and cost twice as much as you thought it would? Are you

always late?

Do you easily 'blow things off' and procrastinate? Is today's youth more

fucked up than previous generations? Do you clown around a lot? Do your

face and voice change grotesquely when you get excited?

Do you ignore your health for long periods? Do you sometimes get all

'spaced out' and 'dingy' for no apparent reason? Do you sometimes feel

paranoia about people watching you and laughing at you?

Do you ever dream you are in elementary school, and you suddenly notice you

are wearing no pants?

When you were a little kid, if you tapped the left side of your chaira few

times, did you then feel compelled to tap the right side of your chair an

exactly equal number of times?

Do you sometimes go out beating up strangers? Do you occasionally shoplift

'in revenge?' Do you go on drug binges occasionally? Are you more or less

cheerful around others? Do you sometimes think you should 'quit'? Do you or

did you do lousy things to your elders, just to bug them? Every now and

then, do you tie up blind amputee women and indulge in mud sports, canings,

and Tasmanian Culture?

Do you have any phobias, fears, compulsions? Do you sometimes dwell

morbidly on things like sickness, world problems, death, drugs, pain,

perversion?

Are you even slightly sick in the head?

Do you sometimes fret irrationally over friends and loved ones? Do you

actually FEAR "Bob" at times?

Do you figure there's a big depression on the way? Do you think the aliens

will stop us from destroying ourselves? Do you often dream about a

post-holocaust world in which you are top caveman? Have you lost pretty

much ALL faith in the government? Do you bite into an apple and then worry

about the weird, chemical taste on the skin? Do you use our nation's

President as a scapegoat? Do you think justice can be 'bought?' Do you

instinctively feel that all public figures are liars? Do you get a

mini-heart-attack every time you see a cop? Do you automatically dislike

members of strange religious cults? When you get home from work, would you

just as soon watch some cheap, stupid entertainment as more educational

fare? Do certain 'types' of people get under your skin? Does it irritate

the hell out of you to see writers use cliches? Do you fall madly in love,

ALL THE TIME?

CIRCLE THE ANSWERS WHICH APPLY:

Which of the following words apply to you? City person; country person;

suburbanite; hetero; homo; bi, omni-, or a-sexual; "good;" "bad;"

sensitive; tough; frustrated; satisfied; athletic; healthy; ill; wimp;

sane; half-cocked; insane; absent-minded; alert; friendly; cagey; sullen;

antisocial; goofy; a funny person in conversation; tired; energetic;

nervous; loose; lively; a wallflower; quiet; loud; blue collar; white

collar; no collar; talented; untalented; intellectual; no-bullshit; moody;

weird; normal; depressed; manic; neurotic; psychotic; renegade; aggressive;

subdued; nice; grouchy; optimistic; cynical; pessimistic; smart; stupid;

in-between; genius; crafty; shitty; nowhere; rich; middle-class; poor;

handicapped; macho; educated; uneducated; overeducated; and finally, are

you an EMERGENTILE, a REWARDIAN, or merely a MEDIOCRETIN?

Which of the following 'phenomena' do you more or less believe in? UFOs;

astrology; telepathy; precognition; telekinesis; psychic healing; pyramid

power; ancient astronauts; 'ghosts;' trance revelations; Atlantis/Mu/etc.;

Bigfoot-type creatures; the Loch Ness Monster; none above; OTHERS:

The world condition these days is: bad; good; funny; as expected.

Right now, you would like to have more:

Time; money; friends; sex; alcohol; tobacco; marijuana; stimulants;

narcotics; depressants; hallucinogens; clothes; brains; OTHER:

_____________________________________________ _________________

LECTURES! REVIVALS! IN YOUR TOWN!

You can book Rev. Ivan Stang (with SUBGENIUS FILMS) for your campus, club,

church, theater, or "gallery." Stang and Jesus Christ will do radio talk

shows (by phone or in person). Email slack@subgenius.com

 

YES!! I enclose $5 and two questions for DOBBS!

PRIMANIMAL SUBGENIUS J.R. ``BOB'' DOBBS, HIGH EPOPT OF THE CHURCH, is the

only Psychic Media Adept on this planet who has passed all of the

Illuminati Corporation's most stringent tests for ectosplasmodic manifes-

tations, precognition, telepathy and telekineses. As a trance medium he is

unparalleled, being the main vocal tool on Earth of countless discorporate

spirits, demons, dear departed on the Otherside, crazed gurus and

conquerors of ancient history, alien space intelligences of several

origins, saints and mystics (including Cerinthus the Mad Gnostic, actual

author of the Book of Revelation), godlike entities from all eight planes

of the Beforelife, and - certainly the most crucial of all - Dobbs is

finally the somnambulant voice-box of JEHOVAH 1 THE GOD OF WRATH, jealous

and vengeful alien Manipulator of the Old Testament. As a "Sleeping

Healer," the Epopt conspires with Jehovah 1 to synchronize his Nental Ife

with the vast Archive worknet of cosmic, deceased shamans, witch doctors

and medicine men -- the ancient Masters of all the world's peoples.

A descendant of many great psychics, "Bob" began using his gifts for

financial gain at the age of 6. He has worked as a mind-breaker for the

government and has more recently built a vast personal fortune as Psychic

Salesman for a multinational cartel (which, like so many other intriguing

aspects of Dobbs' life, must remain secret).

To give you your money's worth in psychic consultation, Dobbs needs nothing

more than 1) your questions and 2) something you have touched - a five

dollar bill, for instance, or a blank check (which must bear your signature

for the Nental life vibrational 'psi-stench' to be readable by Dobbs) -

these have been found to bring the most fruitful predictions, diagnoses,

instructions, descriptions of past lives, etc. Simply send your question

and "offering" with this coupon to THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS and you will

soon receive in the mail such past life readings and personal revelations

about yourself as you could never have imagined in your WILDEST NIGHTMARES.

And don't forget to sign this disclaimer! It must bear your signature

before questions may be answered, in order to comply with the law in

Dallas.

Mr. Dobbs is endowed with powers of extrasexual persuasion as well as all

ranges of ESP. Although "Bob's" accuracy has never been questioned by

previous "clients," no SacraMentalist can claim infallibility. With Dobbs,

especially, it is only a matter of time before he falters; he is farther

from so-called 'perfection' than most of us could be if we worked at it.

Therefore "Bob," his associates, promoters, employees, sponsors, agents,

followers and writers must and do disclaim all liability to all persons,

firms, or corporations who act or rely upon ESP impressions given by word

of mouth, telephone, correspondence, film tape or hologram recording now or

in the... the future.

Signed:

*****************************************************************

--

Copyright 1997 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian

MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the

Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.

PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB

http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack