From: email@example.com (Andrew J. Testa)
Subject: Luck plane gave me Tourettes
Date: 1 Aug 1995 15:07:48 GMT
Yes, the luck plane, which has been mighty unkind to little Andy this
past weekend, finally bent a favorable manifold lobe and popped me with
a wondrous thing. The bad news is that I'm out almost $700 on my shitbox
car, having to replace the catalytic converter and stuff. Fucker broke
down on me in the middle of rush hour traffic in the middle of the worst
highway in the center lane. 20 miles from home. Technology fucked me
over, as the engine actually GIVES A SHIT, thanks to the little computer,
whether the damn catalytic converter is working. BAH! Well, after being
reamed financially, and realizing I've paid more on repairs in the last
two years than the fucker is worth, the thing seems to finally run okay.
Apparently, that converter/oxygen sensor jigamabob can cause a LOT of
ongoing problems when they reach the end of their planned all-to-short
So I was mighty grumpy that night and all day Saturday, then my
darling wife decides to go on an absolute binge playing Swoop until
all hours of the night. I fall asleep on the couch, foolishly believing
her when she said "I'm just going to play one game before we go to bed."
Well, I wake up about 1:30am or so, TV still on, sounds of Swoop still
emanating from the study. Well, I begin to notice that the TV is swearing
at me. I begin to focus, take in the scene. The tube shows a basic
office conference table, about eight people sitting around it. They're
talking in serious tones, but I'm not hearing exactly what, as there's a
woman at the end of the table yelling "GODAMN MOTHERFUCKER. OOOOOOOHHHH!!!
GODAMN MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" Over and over. And the others are just talking
as if nothing is going on.
What the FUCK is this? I check the channel. PBS. The swearing is
mostly beeped out, but it's easy enough to tell what she's yelling.
I try to listen to what the others are say, under the yelling of
"MOTHERFUCKER!" By the swollen prostate of Dobbs, it's a documentary on
Tourette's Syndrome! Turns out they're covering a support group for those
so afflicted, to discuss their problems and let families "share." But,
the deep down truth is, it was a carnival of comedy! I was laughing my
ass off by the time it was over. There was a meeting room, ala AA, where
folks could share their stories at a podium. And while they're talking
a room FULL of tourette's sufferers are twitching and swearing away. Oh
"Bob" thank you for this deliverance. Thank you for this oh-so-serious
feelgood show that had me pissing in my pants.
They interviewed a women about her adjustment, and finding a mate, etc.
and she answered with some typical stuff, but it came out like this:
"We're people too, we have HHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! FUCK!!!! feelings too, but
people have a hard time HHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! dealing with
the stigma." I like to shit my pants. The finale, the part that actually
put stains on my underwear, was the music the played over the closing
credits. Twist and Shout. I kid you not. Oh Dobbs be praised but that
made up for everything.
/ Xenu stole my lunch money \
/ Andy Testa (KoX) I'm OT! I could KILL you with \
\ firstname.lastname@example.org a thought! BWAAAHHAAAAHAAAAAA! /
\ Contributing to the downfall of Scientology since 1995. /
Jim the Prophet
Licensed SubGenius Preacher
email@example.comJohn Morten Malerbakken <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
>And that is why I sometimes even feel uncomfortable around my own
>children. They tic, and get noticed, and I will be worried sick that I
>will make the same impression. It is kind of wrong, but you can not help
This makes me very sad, because you don't know what you're missing.
In our church, we consider tics a sign of holy favor, and fullblown
compulsive swearing is the mark of a prophet. Far from being
ridiculed, you would be revered as a source of divine inspiration,
and taught to treasure your former affliction as a POWER.
In fact, I'm not sure you can even get IN the church of the SubGenius
without some distinguishing characteristics, to prove the universe
made ya SPECIAL!
Since there is no sight or sound that is foreign to "Bob", if you
ever feel like expressing yourself in full stereo about everything
or nothing, drop by alt.slack and yell as inarticulately as you want.
We'll think you're BRILLIANT!
PS. WARNING - everyone on alt.slack is utterly INSANE.
Half of them are MEAN on top of it, but if you bite them
back they get the message. Yoo dun bin WARNED.
Pieter Nagel <email@example.com> wrote:
>Fine. To which I would reply: "So you mean it has only *limited*
>effect, and only negative, at that? Can't have your cake and eat it,
How do stupid expressions like that surface???
Look, if I buy the cake, and HAVE it, then I damn well
intend to EAT it! Why should I have it, if not to eat it?
What, I'm buying cake for everyone EXCEPT me now?
Are you INSANE? I *HATE* that damn cake expression.
Now, if it said "You can't KEEP your cake and eat it
too", why, THAT would make sense! I get the cake, I have
the cake, and after I eat the cake, I'll STILL have it for several
hours. SO THERE! NYAH! It's MY cake, and *I* will both HAVE
and EAT it, and neither YOU nor th' damn CLICHE' POLICE
can get here in time to STOP me.
MY CAKE IS *MINE*. I will offer my cake to the elder gods,
or shellack it, install an engine, and ride it around the block, or
smear it with radioactive isotopes and bask in the glow.
You have NO CLAIM on my cake, so just BACK OFF!
PS: Many disorders, disabilities, and afflictions are highly
variable in intensity. It's not always like the loss of a limb,
or that fancy cake thing that doesn't make any damn sense.
> Look, if I buy the cake, and HAVE it, then I damn well
> intend to EAT it! Why should I have it, if not to eat it?
> What, I'm buying cake for everyone EXCEPT me now?
> Are you INSANE? I *HATE* that damn cake expression.
> Now, if it said "You can't KEEP your cake and eat it
> too", why, THAT would make sense! I get the cake, I have
> the cake, and after I eat the cake, I'll STILL have it for several
> hours. SO THERE! NYAH! It's MY cake, and *I* will both HAVE
> and EAT it, and neither YOU nor th' damn CLICHE' POLICE
> can get here in time to STOP me.
Listen to me, you sensitive 90's blork. You CAN'T have your
cake and eat it too, this is has been proven TIME and TIME AGAIN with
science, and this will NOT be changed by your WORDS, your ACTIONS, or
your BODILY FLUIDS, such as the tender droplets of sweat flowing from
your forehead, as you ride along in those tight biker shorts, oblivious
to the googols of eyes glued to your bulging hipbones... would you...
would you like to come inside...?
But let Peter David handle the digressing. I don't know WHERE
you found this assumption that you'd be BUYING the fucking cake, but
you're WRONG, chump! Of COURSE you'd eat the cake you buy. So, it
stands to reason, using simple logic, that if you CAN'T have your cake
and EAT it too, you'll do ONE or the OTHER. You'll either HAVE your
cake and NOT eat it, or EAT it but not HAVE it. The latter is
impossible, so you MUST do the former: having cake, but not eating it.
And since you've said yourself that you wouldn't buy cake UNLESS you
intended to eat it, you're obviously NOT going to BUY this cake that you
HAVE, but can't EAT.
So, getting back to Tourette minds: fuck.
Will do things for money.
"There's more than one way to destroy an enemy. Destroy the enmity
and you've destroyed the enemy."-- Babalon/ShedonaPieter Nagel <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
>Of course this jumping thing seems natural to you. In fact, it does
>not really feel all that much like "jumping" to you. But when I read
>your post, it was THAT which made me think: "this guy has TS". And I
>bet this type of thing often causes other people to go: "Huh? What
>are you *talking* about?"
You think so? I bet most people go "Huh? What are you talking about?"
because they're just plain ol' BUTT DUMB. IMAGINE the nerve, using all
those wordy thingies with all them idea dealies attached. How DARE
he not grossly oversimplify for the benefit of those who require
little answers that don't make the headbone throb. What the heck
do BRAINS have to do with TS? Smarty-people are BAD... they
think they're BETTER than the rest of us, and if the ARE, we better
KILL THEM ALL! AAARRGGHHH! BOOGA BOOGA! What does Taoism
have to do with anything? It's an ancient chinese system of thought,
and alla them ancient chinese guys have been dead for a long time,
so their brains are rotted and don't work so good. Never seek advice
from rotted brains. TS is a complicated chemical brainy-thingy that is
not such good fun except at parties and celebrity roasts, so if you
don't KNOW all the brainy chemical thingies, you not only shouldn't
express opinions about TS, you shouldn't even THINK about it. Hell,
if you can't talk about it in clear non-allegorical medical and
biochemical terms, you really shouldn't even be allowed to HAVE TS.
DON'T make me have to take yours away. Get to a medical school RIGHT
NOW, or turn in your TS!!!
Please do NOT blame me for this message. I am a member of a dangerous
mind control cult, and can't control myself.
NUPENGO BLAHNAMATAHA FELOOM!!!
And those are PRAISE and WORSHIP WORDS.
Come. Let us type in tounges (fingers???) together.
A "church" a "religion"? Sorry, I am not able to relate to your answer
at all. I would appreciate a clarification please.
--- SNIP ---
> In our church, we consider tics a sign of holy favor, and fullblown
> compulsive swearing is the mark of a prophet
--- SNIP ---
> the church of the SubGenius
--- SNIP ---
> no sight or sound is foreign to "Bob"
--- SNIP ---
> expressing yourself in full stereo about everything
> or nothing, drop by alt.slack and yell as inarticulately as you want.
If this is meant seriously, you are purposefully stepping on my conserns
and feelings. What is your point?
John Morten Malerbakken Ericsson Hewlett-Packard
memo:ERI.EHS.EHSJOMAJohn Morten Malerbakken <email@example.com> wrote:
>A "church" a "religion"? Sorry, I am not able to relate to your answer
>at all. I would appreciate a clarification please.
I will assume you know what the words actually MEAN, per se,
but since no question was asked, my post wasn't an answer to
anything - it was merely a comment. It makes no sense to
try to related it to any question, particularly when one wasn't asked.
Since my post was in a language we both speak, your inability
to relate the words to meanings isn't something I can help you with.
It seemed pretty clear to me.
>--- SNIP ---
>> In our church, we consider tics a sign of holy favor, and fullblown
>> compulsive swearing is the mark of a prophet
>--- SNIP ---
>> the church of the SubGenius
>--- SNIP ---
>> no sight or sound is foreign to "Bob"
Why? Because you don't know who "Bob" is? That's
ok. If I gave you all the answers, they'd have little
meaning for you. Some things must be found rather
than delivered by hand!
>--- SNIP ---
>> expressing yourself in full stereo about everything
>> or nothing, drop by alt.slack and yell as inarticulately as you want.
>If this is meant seriously, you are purposefully stepping on my conserns
>and feelings. What is your point?
Your reasoning is not logical. I don't know you. Why on earth
would you think this was about you, directed at you, or
intended to harm you in some way??? Your use of the word
"purposefully" is inappropriate because it's not correct; further,
your personal concerns and feelings are not something I can
anticipate, nor am I inclined to word things to suit your personal
ideas, sensibilites, and/or sensitivities. I'm attempting to
communicate with more people here than just you. I have no desire to
hurt you or anyone else, but I can not and will not censor everything
I say to insure that my ideas are expressed in a manner suitable for
sensitive children not yet of discerning age. You are (presumably)
an adult, and resultantly responsible for your own readings.
My point was not made in simple clear terms, nor was it intended
to be. It spoils the mystery and the intrigue for many when I have to
spill all the beans in a mundane way for the benefit of one, or a few.
Just this once, I'll make an exception in public.
My point was: The Church of The SubGenius has been a haven
and public platform for people who are "different" for whatever reason
for the last twnety years, and if you're thick-skinned enough, or have
a well developed sense of humor and/or the absurd, it's also a great
place to meet lots of interesting people who, rather than being
frightened or repulsed by things like tics, are likely to find them
interesting and expressive. I've made dozens of great friends in the
group over the last decade, and highly recomend them as a social
connection for anyonewho's "different" and doesn't want or need
to be "just like everyone else".
It is very unlikely that you in particular will find the church of
any use, nor is it intended for children, due to the adult language
and content of the material, but it's still a lot of fun for thousands
Please refer such concerns to me in e-mail in the future. I am not
unmindful of the high number of highly sensitized people here
(translate: thin skinned and reactionary - I know because the church
has helped me with the same problem in myself for years; truly
sensitive people are able to *sense* no harm is intended), and I have
no desire to engage in personality clashes in front of them.
I am terribly sorry if this has caused any of you any undue grief.
Please focus on my intent, rather than whether or not you like my
particular (and peculiar) sense of humor.
Um, John? Did you somehow think I'd forget who I was?
That was a JOKE, dude!
ah, nevermind. I'm going back to bed.
John, Go check out his newsgroup alt.slack, and see how really genuine he
is, check out snips of quotes from this group, the thread on how a show
with people who have ts made someone's noght because of how funny it is
etc. etc. In my opinion just ignore him. Christy
Christy <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
>John, Go check out his newsgroup alt.slack, and see how really genuine he
>is, check out snips of quotes from this group, the thread on how a show
>with people who have ts made someone's noght because of how funny it is
Oh, but you've missed the point ENTIRELY! The post you mention was
written by me, oh, a year and a half ago. And yes, it DID make my night.
It WAS funny. I remember it still, long after all the standard
disease-of-the-week documentaries are seen and forgotten. I loved it so
well because it DIDN'T treat TS as some demon-spawned affliction that had
to be medicated out of existance. It wasn't afraid to let the people SING
and TALK without having to beat the viewer over the head with how AWFUL
this is and how the viewer should THANK HIS LUCKY STARS he isn't forced
to suffer as these poor wretches on display are. I wasn't kidding when I
said that the closing of the show had a woman with TS singing "Twist and
Shout", very well, with a lot of enthusiasm. It was great! It was a
celebration of being who she was, instead of taking the victim route and
trying to hide and appologize.
Iceknife is EXACTLY RIGHT about everything he said. Like him, and the
Church of the SubGenius, I celebrate that which makes us different and
unique. The difference in perception is the automatic assumption
that laughter means derision: that by my laughing and enjoying hearing a
person with TS speak I am automatically making fun of them because
they're different. THe exact opposite is true! We in the Church of the
SubGenius absolutely love those who are different. FOR those things that
make them different. What Iceknife offers is a sincere venue where those
who are different can find people who would would celebrate their
differences. It's not a freak show or a pig party. We don't ridicule
people for being different, just for being stupid. Or victims.
The folks at alt.slack would NOT welcome anyone with TS who wanted to
complain about how bad life is for them. Or who wanted to claim that
having TS exempted them from jokes or humor. We don't want thin skinned
victims. We want people who are willing to live in acknowledgement that
they are different and USE it to their advantage. If Someone with TS were
to come to alt.slack, and volunteer to get up on stage and sing or rant
for any reason, they'd be royalty. Not as a side-show entertainment, but
because they weren't afraid to flaunt their difference.
If having TS is something you can't talk about except in terms of being a
victim, alt.slack is the wrong place. If you can't accept people making
jokes about TS, alt.slack is the wrong place. If you can't accept
anything about TS as being funny or humorous, alt.slack is the wrong place.
However, if you're tired of having to suppress yourself and want to be
around people who not only DON'T CARE if you have TS but would like to
sing a DUET with you, people who'd pay to hear you read poetry, then
alt.slack and the Church of the SubGenius is a place to go.
Iceknife made a sincere offer which he explained is not for everyone.
It's an offer for those who realize that when nothing is funny then
you're wasting the air you breathe.
Incidentally, I personally think that the mad god JHVH-1 WANTS you to
read alt.slack. Consider:
1) alt.slack just this weekend experienced a HUGE reposting of all the
best articles that people had saved over the years, making THIS WEEK the
best time ever to read our best work.
2) Iceknife, for whatever reason, posted his invitation to you.
3) My post on TS from so long ago was reposted in that deluge by someone
who liked it at the time.
4) You tuned in EXACTLY at the right time to see it.
5) I JUST HAPPENED to be reading in time to see your followup.
It couldn't POSSIBLY have "Divine Intervention" written any more plainly
on it than that.
>etc. etc. In my opinion just ignore him. Christy
Your option. Take it or leave it. We're not here to troll or agitate. All
Andy Testa (KoX - SP4)
We SubGenii don't pretend to be without sin. Our
authority to preach stems from one simple point:
you chap our ass. Period. -Lou Duchez