From: testa@starbase.neosoft.com (Andrew J. Testa)

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Luck plane gave me Tourettes

Date: 1 Aug 1995 15:07:48 GMT

 

Yes, the luck plane, which has been mighty unkind to little Andy this

past weekend, finally bent a favorable manifold lobe and popped me with

a wondrous thing. The bad news is that I'm out almost $700 on my shitbox

car, having to replace the catalytic converter and stuff. Fucker broke

down on me in the middle of rush hour traffic in the middle of the worst

highway in the center lane. 20 miles from home. Technology fucked me

over, as the engine actually GIVES A SHIT, thanks to the little computer,

whether the damn catalytic converter is working. BAH! Well, after being

reamed financially, and realizing I've paid more on repairs in the last

two years than the fucker is worth, the thing seems to finally run okay.

Apparently, that converter/oxygen sensor jigamabob can cause a LOT of

ongoing problems when they reach the end of their planned all-to-short

lives.

 

So I was mighty grumpy that night and all day Saturday, then my

darling wife decides to go on an absolute binge playing Swoop until

all hours of the night. I fall asleep on the couch, foolishly believing

her when she said "I'm just going to play one game before we go to bed."

Well, I wake up about 1:30am or so, TV still on, sounds of Swoop still

emanating from the study. Well, I begin to notice that the TV is swearing

at me. I begin to focus, take in the scene. The tube shows a basic

office conference table, about eight people sitting around it. They're

talking in serious tones, but I'm not hearing exactly what, as there's a

woman at the end of the table yelling "GODAMN MOTHERFUCKER. OOOOOOOHHHH!!!

GODAMN MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" Over and over. And the others are just talking

as if nothing is going on.

 

What the FUCK is this? I check the channel. PBS. The swearing is

mostly beeped out, but it's easy enough to tell what she's yelling.

I try to listen to what the others are say, under the yelling of

"MOTHERFUCKER!" By the swollen prostate of Dobbs, it's a documentary on

Tourette's Syndrome! Turns out they're covering a support group for those

so afflicted, to discuss their problems and let families "share." But,

the deep down truth is, it was a carnival of comedy! I was laughing my

ass off by the time it was over. There was a meeting room, ala AA, where

folks could share their stories at a podium. And while they're talking

a room FULL of tourette's sufferers are twitching and swearing away. Oh

"Bob" thank you for this deliverance. Thank you for this oh-so-serious

feelgood show that had me pissing in my pants.

 

They interviewed a women about her adjustment, and finding a mate, etc.

and she answered with some typical stuff, but it came out like this:

"We're people too, we have HHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! FUCK!!!! feelings too, but

people have a hard time HHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! dealing with

the stigma." I like to shit my pants. The finale, the part that actually

put stains on my underwear, was the music the played over the closing

credits. Twist and Shout. I kid you not. Oh Dobbs be praised but that

made up for everything.

--

/ Xenu stole my lunch money \

/ Andy Testa (KoX) I'm OT! I could KILL you with \

\ testa@hou.moc.com a thought! BWAAAHHAAAAHAAAAAA! /

\ Contributing to the downfall of Scientology since 1995. /

--

Jim the Prophet

Licensed SubGenius Preacher

jimvan@gate.netJohn Morten Malerbakken <ehsjoma@aom.ericsson.se> wrote:

>Yes Pieter,

>And that is why I sometimes even feel uncomfortable around my own

>children. They tic, and get noticed, and I will be worried sick that I

>will make the same impression. It is kind of wrong, but you can not help

>your feelings.

 

This makes me very sad, because you don't know what you're missing.

In our church, we consider tics a sign of holy favor, and fullblown

compulsive swearing is the mark of a prophet. Far from being

ridiculed, you would be revered as a source of divine inspiration,

and taught to treasure your former affliction as a POWER.

In fact, I'm not sure you can even get IN the church of the SubGenius

without some distinguishing characteristics, to prove the universe

made ya SPECIAL!

 

Since there is no sight or sound that is foreign to "Bob", if you

ever feel like expressing yourself in full stereo about everything

or nothing, drop by alt.slack and yell as inarticulately as you want.

We'll think you're BRILLIANT!

 

ICEKNIFE

PS. WARNING - everyone on alt.slack is utterly INSANE.

Half of them are MEAN on top of it, but if you bite them

back they get the message. Yoo dun bin WARNED.

Pieter Nagel <pnagel@basilisk.epiuse.co.za> wrote:

 

>Fine. To which I would reply: "So you mean it has only *limited*

>effect, and only negative, at that? Can't have your cake and eat it,

>you know."

How do stupid expressions like that surface???

Look, if I buy the cake, and HAVE it, then I damn well

intend to EAT it! Why should I have it, if not to eat it?

What, I'm buying cake for everyone EXCEPT me now?

Are you INSANE? I *HATE* that damn cake expression.

Now, if it said "You can't KEEP your cake and eat it

too", why, THAT would make sense! I get the cake, I have

the cake, and after I eat the cake, I'll STILL have it for several

hours. SO THERE! NYAH! It's MY cake, and *I* will both HAVE

and EAT it, and neither YOU nor th' damn CLICHE' POLICE

can get here in time to STOP me.

MY CAKE IS *MINE*. I will offer my cake to the elder gods,

or shellack it, install an engine, and ride it around the block, or

smear it with radioactive isotopes and bask in the glow.

You have NO CLAIM on my cake, so just BACK OFF!

 

ICEKNIFE

PS: Many disorders, disabilities, and afflictions are highly

variable in intensity. It's not always like the loss of a limb,

or that fancy cake thing that doesn't make any damn sense.

 

ICEKNIFE wrote:

> Look, if I buy the cake, and HAVE it, then I damn well

> intend to EAT it! Why should I have it, if not to eat it?

> What, I'm buying cake for everyone EXCEPT me now?

> Are you INSANE? I *HATE* that damn cake expression.

> Now, if it said "You can't KEEP your cake and eat it

> too", why, THAT would make sense! I get the cake, I have

> the cake, and after I eat the cake, I'll STILL have it for several

> hours. SO THERE! NYAH! It's MY cake, and *I* will both HAVE

> and EAT it, and neither YOU nor th' damn CLICHE' POLICE

> can get here in time to STOP me.

Listen to me, you sensitive 90's blork. You CAN'T have your

cake and eat it too, this is has been proven TIME and TIME AGAIN with

science, and this will NOT be changed by your WORDS, your ACTIONS, or

your BODILY FLUIDS, such as the tender droplets of sweat flowing from

your forehead, as you ride along in those tight biker shorts, oblivious

to the googols of eyes glued to your bulging hipbones... would you...

would you like to come inside...?

But let Peter David handle the digressing. I don't know WHERE

you found this assumption that you'd be BUYING the fucking cake, but

you're WRONG, chump! Of COURSE you'd eat the cake you buy. So, it

stands to reason, using simple logic, that if you CAN'T have your cake

and EAT it too, you'll do ONE or the OTHER. You'll either HAVE your

cake and NOT eat it, or EAT it but not HAVE it. The latter is

impossible, so you MUST do the former: having cake, but not eating it.

And since you've said yourself that you wouldn't buy cake UNLESS you

intended to eat it, you're obviously NOT going to BUY this cake that you

HAVE, but can't EAT.

So, getting back to Tourette minds: fuck.

--

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Hal Phillips

Will do things for money.

"There's more than one way to destroy an enemy. Destroy the enmity

and you've destroyed the enemy."-- Babalon/ShedonaPieter Nagel <pnagel@basilisk.epiuse.co.za> wrote:

>Of course this jumping thing seems natural to you. In fact, it does

>not really feel all that much like "jumping" to you. But when I read

>your post, it was THAT which made me think: "this guy has TS". And I

>bet this type of thing often causes other people to go: "Huh? What

>are you *talking* about?"

You think so? I bet most people go "Huh? What are you talking about?"

because they're just plain ol' BUTT DUMB. IMAGINE the nerve, using all

those wordy thingies with all them idea dealies attached. How DARE

he not grossly oversimplify for the benefit of those who require

little answers that don't make the headbone throb. What the heck

do BRAINS have to do with TS? Smarty-people are BAD... they

think they're BETTER than the rest of us, and if the ARE, we better

KILL THEM ALL! AAARRGGHHH! BOOGA BOOGA! What does Taoism

have to do with anything? It's an ancient chinese system of thought,

and alla them ancient chinese guys have been dead for a long time,

so their brains are rotted and don't work so good. Never seek advice

from rotted brains. TS is a complicated chemical brainy-thingy that is

not such good fun except at parties and celebrity roasts, so if you

don't KNOW all the brainy chemical thingies, you not only shouldn't

express opinions about TS, you shouldn't even THINK about it. Hell,

if you can't talk about it in clear non-allegorical medical and

biochemical terms, you really shouldn't even be allowed to HAVE TS.

DON'T make me have to take yours away. Get to a medical school RIGHT

NOW, or turn in your TS!!!

Please do NOT blame me for this message. I am a member of a dangerous

mind control cult, and can't control myself.

Really!

NUPENGO BLAHNAMATAHA FELOOM!!!

ASPABALAM! SAALABINGA!!!

And those are PRAISE and WORSHIP WORDS.

Come. Let us type in tounges (fingers???) together.

 

 

Excuse me,

A "church" a "religion"? Sorry, I am not able to relate to your answer

at all. I would appreciate a clarification please.

John Morten

 

 

ICEKNIFE wrote:

>

--- SNIP ---

>

> In our church, we consider tics a sign of holy favor, and fullblown

> compulsive swearing is the mark of a prophet

--- SNIP ---

> the church of the SubGenius

--- SNIP ---

> no sight or sound is foreign to "Bob"

Sorry !!???

--- SNIP ---

> expressing yourself in full stereo about everything

> or nothing, drop by alt.slack and yell as inarticulately as you want.

If this is meant seriously, you are purposefully stepping on my conserns

and feelings. What is your point?

> ICEKNIFE

>

 

John Morten

--

John Morten Malerbakken Ericsson Hewlett-Packard

 

 

memo:ERI.EHS.EHSJOMAJohn Morten Malerbakken <ehsjoma@aom.ericsson.se> wrote:

>Excuse me,

>A "church" a "religion"? Sorry, I am not able to relate to your answer

>at all. I would appreciate a clarification please.

>John Morten

I will assume you know what the words actually MEAN, per se,

but since no question was asked, my post wasn't an answer to

anything - it was merely a comment. It makes no sense to

try to related it to any question, particularly when one wasn't asked.

Since my post was in a language we both speak, your inability

to relate the words to meanings isn't something I can help you with.

It seemed pretty clear to me.

>ICEKNIFE wrote:

>--- SNIP ---

>> In our church, we consider tics a sign of holy favor, and fullblown

>> compulsive swearing is the mark of a prophet

>--- SNIP ---

>> the church of the SubGenius

>--- SNIP ---

>> no sight or sound is foreign to "Bob"

>Sorry !!???

Why? Because you don't know who "Bob" is? That's

ok. If I gave you all the answers, they'd have little

meaning for you. Some things must be found rather

than delivered by hand!

>--- SNIP ---

>> expressing yourself in full stereo about everything

>> or nothing, drop by alt.slack and yell as inarticulately as you want.

>If this is meant seriously, you are purposefully stepping on my conserns

>and feelings. What is your point?

Your reasoning is not logical. I don't know you. Why on earth

would you think this was about you, directed at you, or

intended to harm you in some way??? Your use of the word

"purposefully" is inappropriate because it's not correct; further,

your personal concerns and feelings are not something I can

anticipate, nor am I inclined to word things to suit your personal

ideas, sensibilites, and/or sensitivities. I'm attempting to

communicate with more people here than just you. I have no desire to

hurt you or anyone else, but I can not and will not censor everything

I say to insure that my ideas are expressed in a manner suitable for

sensitive children not yet of discerning age. You are (presumably)

an adult, and resultantly responsible for your own readings.

My point was not made in simple clear terms, nor was it intended

to be. It spoils the mystery and the intrigue for many when I have to

spill all the beans in a mundane way for the benefit of one, or a few.

Just this once, I'll make an exception in public.

My point was: The Church of The SubGenius has been a haven

and public platform for people who are "different" for whatever reason

for the last twnety years, and if you're thick-skinned enough, or have

a well developed sense of humor and/or the absurd, it's also a great

place to meet lots of interesting people who, rather than being

frightened or repulsed by things like tics, are likely to find them

interesting and expressive. I've made dozens of great friends in the

group over the last decade, and highly recomend them as a social

connection for anyonewho's "different" and doesn't want or need

to be "just like everyone else".

It is very unlikely that you in particular will find the church of

any use, nor is it intended for children, due to the adult language

and content of the material, but it's still a lot of fun for thousands

of people.

Please refer such concerns to me in e-mail in the future. I am not

unmindful of the high number of highly sensitized people here

(translate: thin skinned and reactionary - I know because the church

has helped me with the same problem in myself for years; truly

sensitive people are able to *sense* no harm is intended), and I have

no desire to engage in personality clashes in front of them.

I am terribly sorry if this has caused any of you any undue grief.

Please focus on my intent, rather than whether or not you like my

particular (and peculiar) sense of humor.

Thanks!

>> ICEKNIFE

Um, John? Did you somehow think I'd forget who I was?

That was a JOKE, dude!

ah, nevermind. I'm going back to bed.

 

 

John, Go check out his newsgroup alt.slack, and see how really genuine he

is, check out snips of quotes from this group, the thread on how a show

with people who have ts made someone's noght because of how funny it is

etc. etc. In my opinion just ignore him. Christy

 

Christy <khryctee@bellsouth.net> wrote:

>John, Go check out his newsgroup alt.slack, and see how really genuine he

>is, check out snips of quotes from this group, the thread on how a show

>with people who have ts made someone's noght because of how funny it is

 

Oh, but you've missed the point ENTIRELY! The post you mention was

written by me, oh, a year and a half ago. And yes, it DID make my night.

It WAS funny. I remember it still, long after all the standard

disease-of-the-week documentaries are seen and forgotten. I loved it so

well because it DIDN'T treat TS as some demon-spawned affliction that had

to be medicated out of existance. It wasn't afraid to let the people SING

and TALK without having to beat the viewer over the head with how AWFUL

this is and how the viewer should THANK HIS LUCKY STARS he isn't forced

to suffer as these poor wretches on display are. I wasn't kidding when I

said that the closing of the show had a woman with TS singing "Twist and

Shout", very well, with a lot of enthusiasm. It was great! It was a

celebration of being who she was, instead of taking the victim route and

trying to hide and appologize.

 

 

Iceknife is EXACTLY RIGHT about everything he said. Like him, and the

Church of the SubGenius, I celebrate that which makes us different and

unique. The difference in perception is the automatic assumption

that laughter means derision: that by my laughing and enjoying hearing a

person with TS speak I am automatically making fun of them because

they're different. THe exact opposite is true! We in the Church of the

SubGenius absolutely love those who are different. FOR those things that

make them different. What Iceknife offers is a sincere venue where those

who are different can find people who would would celebrate their

differences. It's not a freak show or a pig party. We don't ridicule

people for being different, just for being stupid. Or victims.

 

The folks at alt.slack would NOT welcome anyone with TS who wanted to

complain about how bad life is for them. Or who wanted to claim that

having TS exempted them from jokes or humor. We don't want thin skinned

victims. We want people who are willing to live in acknowledgement that

they are different and USE it to their advantage. If Someone with TS were

to come to alt.slack, and volunteer to get up on stage and sing or rant

for any reason, they'd be royalty. Not as a side-show entertainment, but

because they weren't afraid to flaunt their difference.

 

If having TS is something you can't talk about except in terms of being a

victim, alt.slack is the wrong place. If you can't accept people making

jokes about TS, alt.slack is the wrong place. If you can't accept

anything about TS as being funny or humorous, alt.slack is the wrong place.

However, if you're tired of having to suppress yourself and want to be

around people who not only DON'T CARE if you have TS but would like to

sing a DUET with you, people who'd pay to hear you read poetry, then

alt.slack and the Church of the SubGenius is a place to go.

http://www.subgenius.com/

Iceknife made a sincere offer which he explained is not for everyone.

It's an offer for those who realize that when nothing is funny then

you're wasting the air you breathe.

 

Incidentally, I personally think that the mad god JHVH-1 WANTS you to

read alt.slack. Consider:

1) alt.slack just this weekend experienced a HUGE reposting of all the

best articles that people had saved over the years, making THIS WEEK the

best time ever to read our best work.

2) Iceknife, for whatever reason, posted his invitation to you.

3) My post on TS from so long ago was reposted in that deluge by someone

who liked it at the time.

4) You tuned in EXACTLY at the right time to see it.

5) I JUST HAPPENED to be reading in time to see your followup.

It couldn't POSSIBLY have "Divine Intervention" written any more plainly

on it than that.

 

>etc. etc. In my opinion just ignore him. Christy

Your option. Take it or leave it. We're not here to troll or agitate. All

applications accepted.

--

Andy Testa (KoX - SP4)

We SubGenii don't pretend to be without sin. Our

authority to preach stems from one simple point:

you chap our ass. Period. -Lou Duchez