From: jimvdw@aol.com (JimVDW)

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: The Real Highway System

Date: 24 May 1995 20:46:20 -0400

I saw it again. Some clueless FOOL talking about the "Information

Superhighway." They don't know JACK about the net. It's NOTHING like a

Superhighway. That's a BAD metaphor.

 

Yah, but spoze the metaphor ran in the OTHER direction. Spoze the

HIGHWAYS were like the NET. Whoa! Severe craziness. A highway HUNDREDS of

lanes wide. Most with potholes. Privately operated bridges and overpasses.

No highway patrol. A couple of rent-a-cops on bicycles with broken

whistles. 500 member VIGILANTE POSSES with nuclear weapons. 237 ON RAMPS

at every intersection. NO SIGNS. Wanna get to Ensenada? Holler out the

window at a passing truck to ask directions. AD HOC traffic laws. Some

lanes would VOTE to make use by a single-occupant-vehicle a CAPITAL

OFFENSE on Monday through Friday between 7:00 and 9:00. Other lanes would

just SHOOT you without a trial.

 

AOL would be a giant diesel-smoking BUS with hundreds of EBOLA victims and

a TOILET spewing out on the road behind it. Throwing DEAD WOMBATS and

rotten cabbage at the other cars most of which have been ASSEMBLED AT HOME

from kits. Some are 2.5 horsepower LAWNMOWER ENGINES with a top speed of

nine miles an hour. Others burn NITROGLYCERINE and IDLE at 120.

 

No license tags. World War II Army Air Corps BOMBER NOSE ART instead.

Terrifying paintings of huge teeth or VAMPIRE EAGLES. Bumper mounted

MACHINE GUNS. Flip somebody the finger on this highway and get a WHITE

PHOSPHORUS GRENADE up your tailpipe. Flatbed trucks with ANTI-AIRCRAFT

MISSLE BATTERIES to shoot down the KRUD Traffic Watch helicopter. A little

kid on a tricycle with a squirtgun filled with HYDROCHLORIC ACID. NO OFF

RAMPS.

 

Now THAT'S the way to run an Interstate Highway system. Makes you know the

End Times are here.

Jim the Prophet

Have your planet torn down to

make way for a Galactic By-Pass

Send $1

PO Box # 140306

Dallas Texas

USA 75214)

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"When in doubt, throw a chair."

-- Zoogz Rift

 

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