From: email@example.com (JimVDW)
Subject: The Real Highway System
Date: 24 May 1995 20:46:20 -0400
I saw it again. Some clueless FOOL talking about the "Information
Superhighway." They don't know JACK about the net. It's NOTHING like a
Superhighway. That's a BAD metaphor.
Yah, but spoze the metaphor ran in the OTHER direction. Spoze the
HIGHWAYS were like the NET. Whoa! Severe craziness. A highway HUNDREDS of
lanes wide. Most with potholes. Privately operated bridges and overpasses.
No highway patrol. A couple of rent-a-cops on bicycles with broken
whistles. 500 member VIGILANTE POSSES with nuclear weapons. 237 ON RAMPS
at every intersection. NO SIGNS. Wanna get to Ensenada? Holler out the
window at a passing truck to ask directions. AD HOC traffic laws. Some
lanes would VOTE to make use by a single-occupant-vehicle a CAPITAL
OFFENSE on Monday through Friday between 7:00 and 9:00. Other lanes would
just SHOOT you without a trial.
AOL would be a giant diesel-smoking BUS with hundreds of EBOLA victims and
a TOILET spewing out on the road behind it. Throwing DEAD WOMBATS and
rotten cabbage at the other cars most of which have been ASSEMBLED AT HOME
from kits. Some are 2.5 horsepower LAWNMOWER ENGINES with a top speed of
nine miles an hour. Others burn NITROGLYCERINE and IDLE at 120.
No license tags. World War II Army Air Corps BOMBER NOSE ART instead.
Terrifying paintings of huge teeth or VAMPIRE EAGLES. Bumper mounted
MACHINE GUNS. Flip somebody the finger on this highway and get a WHITE
PHOSPHORUS GRENADE up your tailpipe. Flatbed trucks with ANTI-AIRCRAFT
MISSLE BATTERIES to shoot down the KRUD Traffic Watch helicopter. A little
kid on a tricycle with a squirtgun filled with HYDROCHLORIC ACID. NO OFF
Now THAT'S the way to run an Interstate Highway system. Makes you know the
End Times are here.
Jim the Prophet
Have your planet torn down to
make way for a Galactic By-Pass
PO Box # 140306
"When in doubt, throw a chair."
-- Zoogz Rift