From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)

Random Church Wisdom. Free samples courtesy of the Yetii

Genetii InstiToot. Use as directed. Do not exceed

recommended dose. Was hands before returning to work.

=====

You can tuna fish, you can tuna casserole, but you can't

pick your friend's nose and look him in the mouth.

When in Rome, do as the tourists. Get diahrrea.

A stitch in time makes your clocks hit a bump.

Don't drink and drive. Drink and RUN 90 mph down the

highway until you pass out and run across the median strip

and smash into a truck head on.

In the beginning was the void, and darkness was on the face

of the void. And "Bob" said, "Say, friend, can I interest

you in a cosmology? Special rate, since this'll be the first

one in the neighborhood. We just want a place to show it

off."

No turn left unstoned.

Error reading volume in frontal lobe. Format ([Y]/y)?

When all you have is a hammer, everything starts to look

like the Corning, NY museum of glass working.

Do not shave the cat. It makes them hard to light.

"Why, yes, Governor Connelly, Dallas is a great city. Or

KILL ME."

The quality of mercy is not strained. There are a lot of

lumps floating in it that can make you choke.

When you walk through the storm, hold your head up high.

And climb a tree while holding a crow bar over your head.

Just say no to drugs. Keep saying no to them, no matter

what they say to you. In fact, scream at them and threaten

to kill them and roll around on the floor barking like a

dog. Pretty soon people will give you your own room, and

come every few hours to give you drugs.

I tried to love my neighbor as myself, but everytime I tried

to grab it he smacked my hand.

(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot

ll ll SubGenius Church of Scienfictiontology

Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, Terran Occupation Forces

DynaSoar, Tibetian Rantarian, Chaplain dynasor@infi.net

"Praise "0100 0010 0110 1111 0110 0010" " -- MWOWM

--

dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.

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Subject: Re: Random Whizzdom

From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)

Rev. Ivan Stang (i.stang@metronet.com) wrote:

: Heck, with all them slogans I bet you could start you a damn religion.

Oh, you silly goose, I already got SEVERAL religions. I got some I haven't

even USED yet.

What I'm gonna do instead is develop an objective, reproducible set of

physical laws which PROVE the superiority of Yetisyny and hence the SubG.

All them other nambly-pamby soul suckers and Holy Whiners got religions

which are antithetical to science. I think what we need here is a TRUE

MERGER. And of course he technological spin-offs from such a religion would

be geared towards making life easier for the Yetish among us. Like Pink

Remover(tm), 4ever-Lok CONtainers(pat. pend.) and Assoul Self-Surgery

Kits(produced under FDA regs as an experimental procedure, to see what

all actually needs to be removed from a Pink to make them socially

acceptable to Yeti).

But first I have to work on the basics. Like the fundamental particles and

forces. So far we've got Bobyons, Wotrons and Mutions for particles, and

slackions, cashions and Mutaters for force waves. (This last is a recent

discovery. It's what turns TV watchers into couch potatoes).

So far the general reallyhoitytoit expression comes out

E = mc^$

Right now I'm working on a pocket Van Der Graff generator. I've been testing

it for, oh, ten or twelve years. Just want to make sure that tingle is JUST

right. You should see the looks on their faces when your pubic hair stands

STRAIGHT OUT like a little Don King in your shorts.

And I'm STILL looking for some Yetifems to clone with. They're all more than

willing to be willing, but they kind of blanch when I explain about cloning

and how they'd give birth to their own identical twin sister.

I'd think they'd appreciate it simply for its 50's sci-fi bulldada value.

Guess I just don't understand wyymmmyynnnn.

--

dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.

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Subject: Re: Random Whizzdom

From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <3k7dm8$c6f@lucy.infi.net>, dynasor@infi.net (Dennis

McClain-Furmanski) wrote:

> But first I have to work on the basics. Like the fundamental particles and

> forces. So far we've got Bobyons, Wotrons and Mutions for particles, and

> slackions, cashions and Mutaters for force waves. (This last is a recent

> discovery. It's what turns TV watchers into couch potatoes).

Just make sure you don't leave out the new Standard Measurements:

philos of Slack

stangs of Pain

gordons of Terror

cleves of SexHurt

janors of Confusion

nenslos of Hate

vreedeez of Lies

g'broagfrans of Bulldada

sternos of MindFuck

howlls of Prophecy

dobbs of 'Frop

connies of Pleasure

legumes of Sin

etc. The measurements of the force are named for the (main) discoverer.

Hop aboard. We obviously haven't scoped out that many of them yet. These

were developed for use in Revelation X, but we decided to cut that sort of

thing because we had all jacked off "enough" (for now) in 3 FISTED TALES.

Notice that none of these are comupter-techno-specific. We need LOADS of

new inexplicable computer jargon for the Web/Game/Explosion script. YOU

KNOW WHAT TO DO.

--

Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian

MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the

Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.

PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB

-----------------------------------------------------------------

--

Copyright 1997 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian

MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the

Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.

PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB

http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of SlackMoradatdam Whizzdom