This happened when I was a juvenile and the SofL has passed. Looting was

mentioned in another thread where Anna arues that it is caused by external

factors and Dyna that it is caused by internal ones. As an aside, it

seems Dyna is becoming a good academic, everywhere he looks he sees

something which he could try to get a grant to study. Anyway, I have only

been involved in what I would consider to be a looting event once (sadly.)


I was a sophomore in college and it was around 3:00 AM. There was only

one store in town open at that time, The WaWa. If you aren't familliar

with WaWa it is like a Seven Elleven only better. WaWa is a good little

corporate citizen as well, they really go out of their way to hire the

mentally defective. So there I was with about 200 very drunk college

students standing in a very crowded and slightly undersized convienience

store, I was waiting in line for a KrautChilliCheezeOnionRelishMustard

(hold the ketchup) UnderDog (thats what they call 'em.) There were about

50 people in front of me in line and another 50 behind me. The retard (a

REAL government certified retard) behind the deli counted was taking

orders about once every three minuites. As you can imagine this caused a

good deal of consternation among those waiting for sandwiches and

UnderDogs. The only other employee in the store was a standard issue (I

hate to say it but what are stereotypesw for but to describe those

archetypical people who so often punctuate the important moments of our

lives?) fat black bitch. You know the one, takes up three seats on the

bus and gives you a dirty look like you're a pervert when you accidentally

allow yourself to be brushed by one of the rolls of fat spreading across

two emty seats and beggining to encroach upon yours. Well she had a

backup at the register about half as long as the one at the deli counter

but unlike the retard who worked steadily if not speedily or competently,

this lady seemed to be spending most of her time shouting cruel epithets

at the retard.

The store seemed to be crackling with evil crazy energy. At a certain

point this release of energy became self sustaining, chaos beggeting more

chaos in a nuclear fission of frustration, self loathing, and general

dissatisfaction. The point of no return was a facinating one, everyone

seemed to notice at once that the level of background chatter had reached

a volume that was simply too loud. Too loud for a shop, just right for a

riot. There was a moment of silence, the cloud of madness having a space

of false peace before it as the monsoon silences the crickets and birds

just moments before the deluge. The tearing of a plastic doritoes bag

crackled throught the tense air and the lady at the rgister shouted "You

fucking punks take anything I'm locking the doors and we'll all wait for

the cops." Her pathetic appearance and demonstrated inability to bully

even a government certified retard gave her pronouncement all the weight

of a helium ballon. As one the crowd tore into the shelves ripping open

every box, bax and container in the store. Nilla Wafers flew through the

air which was clouded with the blaze orange dust of the mayhem taking

place at the Cheetos display. Drunken sorority girls were at the

vegetable and fruit bins taking one bite out of each and every peice of

produce on the shelves. Half the hockey team and a few members of the

Campus Crusade for Christ were busilly shaking and then opening every soda

in the display refrigerators. And then came a terrible crash, again there

was a moment of silence until it was realized that the shelves in one of

the refrigerated display cases had collapsed leaving an uninterrupted path

straigt into the STOCKROOM. People shoved and pushed their way into the

refrigerator and on through into the glorious hoard. Entire crates of

frozen burritos, Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips, and 5lbs boxes of

underdogs were tucked under arms and carried out of the store.


Through all of this the retard kept working happilly. Only a few persons,

such as myself, remained in line at the deli counter. But such was the

amicable togetherness of those conspiring to be naughty together I had no

problem getting somebody to hold my place in line while I got us all a few

Slushees. Well the fat lady behind the register had been unwilling or

unable to make a move towards the door, but she had called the cops who

arrived just as the person in line ahead of me had placed their order.


Just a few more minutes and I would have my UnderDog! But fate seemed to

be conspiring against me on this particular evening. The unfortunate

police officers who responded to what I later found out was a call to 911

that specified the problem as shoplifting as opposed to a riot, were

overwhelmed. The first officer in the door tried to grab a student

carrying a case of soda and managed to get one cuff on him. The other

students immediately reacted by throwing bottles and cans at the cops.


Deciding whether it was smarter to simply ignore the fleeing looters or to

open fire on a bunch of Ivy League brats (who included TWO children of

U.S. Senators and the granddaughter of a Supreme Court Justice) took the

cops about .5 seconds. They released their one apprehendee, still wearing

one cuff and carrying a case of soda, off into the night. Leaving the

door propped open behind them the cops went over to the register and

asked the woman there what the problem was. The fat bitch was still to

flustered (or just congenitally stupid) to make any kind of coherent

statement. She blurted out "Damn Kids Shopliftin'!!!" The police asked

her if anything specific had been taken and by whom. The fat lady could

muster no more than a broad sweep of her arms and a sputtered "THEM!!!"


The police officers scanned the store with their eyes. All who had

goodies to take home with them had left. All that remained were one young

man who had passed out in the corner well before the mayhem had begun and

about 6 people left in the Deli line, including myself. The police told

the lady behind the counted that she had better lock the place up. She

began closing out her register and the cops began to check on the

unconcious guy. I finally got to the deli counter and ordered my

UnderDog. The retard flashed his gentle smile at me and began preparing

my weiner. I slurpped the rest of my Slurpee and went back over to the

machine for a refill. One cops turns and asks: "You gonna pay for that?"

I say "Yep!" and wave the $5 bill I had brought with me to pay for the

underdog and whatever beverage. I went back over to the deli counter and

the retard gave me my UnderDog. Damn did it look good. I went over to

the lady at the register and proffered my $5 bill. She looked at me with

hate in her eyes and said "Rgister's closed you'll have to put those

things back." I mulled over just how to "put back" a Slurpee and an

UnderDog with the works (no ketchup) and said "Uhhhhhh..." The cops had

overheard this little exchange and one of them looked over at me and said:

"Take the damn hot dog and get outta here." I smiled and nodded at the

cop, went over to the retard and gave him a five dollar tip then walked

out of the store.

Rev Myrkury says:

C'mon, break the law, IT'S FUN!