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Previously, John Blackmer at Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts wrote:

 

This week I was trying to take a shit in one of those outhouses that has

only three walls, and I saw on of those prong-ear rabbits hopping by with

thousands of worms coming out of it's butt, and they were twisting in a sort of

propeller motion which lifted the rabbit rather high into the air with

every hop. There was also an eagle flying low under the trees, and it was

kind of distracted by looking at a mouse that it was about to swoop down

on, so when the rabbit leapt its ears went up the eagle's butt and the

prongs got caught. The eagle was very perturbed by this and started

flapping and squawking around trying to stay airborne while the rabbit

kicked and also tried to get free. All this ruckus startled a snake that

was sleeping on the branch of a tree above, and it fell down and landed

with its head up the butt of the rabbit, and the beak of the eagle up its

little snake butt. This knocked the trio out of the air and they began

squirming about on the ground like some obscene chimera. Now my friend

Malekai was feeding the goats and saw this happening, and Malachi feels

it is his sacred duty to piss on any odd natural phenomenon he comes

upon. So he walked over to the chimera and started taking down his pants

to take a pee. When his boyfriend Josh saw this, he thought Malachi was

trying to get the chimera to suck his dick, and he got real jealous. He

grabbed one of the goats by the legs, walked over to where Malachi was

getting ready to pee, swung the goat at him, and impaled him up the butt

with the goat's horns, knocking him on top of the chimera just as he was

starting to pee. His head went through the hole created by the triplicate

ouroboros and into the butt of a Burrow-owl who had just emerged feet

first from its den, and his pee went all over them all including Josh.

 

This made Josh real mad, and he started taking down his pants to make

Malachi suck his dick as payment. There was a bunch of horny old men

standing over by the fence, who had been watching Josh and Malachi's firm

young muscular bodies as they fed the goats, and when they saw Josh take

his pants down they lost all control. They started running over there

lickety split and making catcalls and breathin' heavy, but they were so

horny they weren't watching where they were going, and they tripped and

fell over sticks and roots and rocks, and landed each with his dick, head

arms and legs each up a different person's butt, all in a pile on top of

Malachi and Josh and all the animals.

 

Then they just lay there confused, all groaning and twitching and looking like

a giant machine made out of arms and legs and butts, and I just couldn't

help myself. I started laughing and I couldn't stop. I laughed and

laughed till I thought I would choke on my own tongue sitting there on

the shitter. I laughed so hard I farted the biggest fart I ever laid. And

 

I don't know exactly what happened, the fart must have caused a chain

reaction with all the old moldering composty shit down there that hadn't

been turned over in months, because it blew up.

 

The impact blew all the composted gas in the whole shitter up into my

asshole, making me bloated like a sumo wrestler for a moment and my

asshole wide as a cavern. It also knocked me clean off the seat and into

the air, spun me around and landed me on top of the whole pile, ass

cheeks so wide the whole thing went up my ass, with only the goat's legs

sticking out.

 

Short mountain is many miles from any phone or hospital, and I wouldn't

fit in the car anymore, so I had to walk the whole way to the hospital

using the goat's legs like some modern version of a butt-centaur. It was

the most traumatic, painful and embarassing experience of my whole life.

Yours sincerely,

Daedalus Damocletian QPM