Mad Max IV: Franco's Revenge

Chapter 1, the anarchist terror

Spain, July 19, 1936

 

Bueneventuti 'Lord Humungus' Durutti and his friends Michael 'Snake

Blitskin' Bakunin and Errico 'Wes' Malatesta were drawing murals in a

ransacked mansion. The three of them were carefully concentrating on their

efforts, thier brutish visages screwed up in expressions of intense mental

effort, as they traced graphiti with sippery blobs of human excriment they

held clumsily in their hands. 'Lord Humungus' grunted with satisfaction at

last behind his hockey mask. "I have defiled this wall. The pain and the

fear are there for all to see." He squinted proudly where he had written

"Helter Skelter: we rule the wasteland" in stinky brown goo.

 

'Snake' had also completed his task, and stood back to admire his own

graphiti which consisted of a circle A, and the word 'anerky' underneath.

Wes, unable to read or write, threw down his blob of feces in frustration.

"We go, we go now! No more talk! We kill! We kill!"

 

This seemed like a good idea, so the trio stepped out of the once

beautiful mansion, over the mutilated bodies of several half eaten innocent

babies they had murdered, and joined their motorcycle gang of anarchists

waiting outside, including their other friends Noam 'Toecutter' Chomsky and

Paul 'The Nightrider' Proudhon. 'Lord Humungus' climbed abord his modified

all terrain vehicle, and waved a black flag gripped in his huge right arm,

muscle distorted biceps rippling, to the horde of anarchist-bandits, most of

whom were clad only in chainmail and filthy hides, (some even wearing human

skins) and sporting died mowhawk haircuts. Reaching down he turned up the

nitrus oxide mixture, and was slammed backward as his machine rocketed

forward. He was followed through the dusty countryside by the horde of

hundreds of wicked anarchists riding trucks, stolen police cars, dune buggies,

and motorcycles retrofitted with improvised crossbows and spear firing cannon.

 

Meanwhile, in the peaceful valley just on the other side of the hill,

Princess Isabella la Catholica was reading the bible to a room full of

crippled children in the polio ward of the local Catholic Hospital. Father

Ignatius 'the friendly inquisitor' Sanchez, was beaming contentedly, toying

with a hand grenade pin he had hanging off of his rosary. 'Beautifully read

my child. Let us retire now to the vestry and discuss building our new

orphanage.' Isabella stood up and wrapped herself with a shawl. 'Very well

father, but first I must give presents to the children.' The children

applauded as she handed each one a silver penny and an apple.

 

As they left the quaint adobe building, a humble peasant shuffled up, hat

in hand. He held five cents in his hand, and offered it to the Princess.

'Here is your annual rent Sinora, thank you for letting us live on your land.

It is so little to pay for such a privelage, won't you let us pay you more?'

Isabella waved him off, laughing. 'No no sinor, it is our pleasure that you

may live with dignity and comfort. We will raise the money for our new

Orphanage somehow, God willing!' The peasant bowed and walked away as

Isabella and Father Ignatius passed an oil derrek crossing the street and

entrered the vestry.

 

'Watch your step madame' suggested Father Ignatius, as he held out her

hand to help her step over a case of rifles lying on the floor. 'We have

these rifles, as you know, but would never use them on anybody.' 'Of course

father, of course, only a wicked anarchist would ever suggest such a thing.'

As they crossed the room they witnessed a gibbet in the field outside the

vestry window, from which six ruffians were hanging by thier necks. Noticing

that the Princess was entranced with this sight, the father explained: 'Some

horrid libertarian ruffians were spreading subversive ideas among the

peasants, and they were so indignant that anyone would besmirch your own good

name, that they spontaneously decided to hang them for you. Needless to say

we had nothing to do with it.' The lovely face of the princess was broke into

a beautific smile. 'How sweet of them! Remind me to buy candies for the

children. I do so love the children!'

 

Father Ignatius nodded, smiling, and unrolled the blueprint for the new

orphanage. 'Here, madame, is where we will build our machine gun positions,

and here we have the prison cells and torture chambers, and over here of

course the Guardia Civil headquarters. Heres a lounge for Pistoleros, and

this is the armory.' Princess Isabella sighed, 'It's all well and good

father, but I'll still feel much safer once Generalisimo 'Mad Max' Franco

arrives.' The father nodded, 'Do not worry my child, he will be here soon,

very soon.'

 

A hundred miles a way a supercharged intercepter V-8 sped down a lonely

highway with an appointment with destiny....

 

Meanwhile, a few miles up the valley, the anarchist bandit horde had

begun to ransack a peacefull village of Dwarves. Some of the Dwarves were

looking sadly on as Lord Humungus, Toecutter, and Wes gang raped Princess

Cindarella, who was the former landlord of the Village, and much loved by the

peasants. Meanwhile Snake Blitskin was strangling nuns in the nearby convent

with their own rosary beads, and the Nightrider was trying to subvert the

morality of the Dwarves.

 

The Dwarves kept trying to sing 'Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work we go!'

and 'Whistle while you work! Whistle while you work!', being such pious,

hardworking fellows that they were, but Nightrider just got angry. 'No no no

no! You little idiots! Now repeat after me: 'Ding dong the witch is dead,

the witch is dead, the witch is dead, ding dong the wicked witch is dead!!!'

 

The Dwarves, looking confused, scratched their beards and stared

uncomprehendingly at Nightrider. Dopey looked up, 'Whistle while you work!'

Nightrider roared with fury, and pulling out his shotgun, blasted Dopey right

between his crossed eyes, splattering brains all over the other Dwarves, many

of whom started crying. 'Goddamn idiot!' He picked up a megaphone. 'Now

listen, the rest of you, it's easy, just try it 'Ding Dong the witch is dead''

 

But now Humungus, who had finished first, got up and zipped up his pants,

growling 'Give me the megaphone'. Nightrider meekly handed it over, and

Humungus began to berate the Dwarves, soon joined by Wes who had finished off

Cindarella with a crossbow. "My Friends" boomed Humungus "There has been too

much violence. Too much pain. We must crush the good and innocent princes

and princesses, and subvert our nice religion, in favor of anarchy and

madness. We will go and get the gasoline. The gas."

 

As he spoke, a rabbit ran nearby, and Wes turned suddenly and shot it

with his wrist crossbow. Nightrider ran out and picked it up, showing it to

the Dwarves "See! Nothing can escape. Lord Humungus RULES the Wasteland!!!"

Snake handed Grumpy a black flag and a few rifles.

 

"From now on you are a collective. If sleeping beauty or the prince

comes by shoot 'em in the back. No more private property, now go work for

yourseles!" Weeping, the poor dwarves trudged off into their fields, and began

to toil, for once without any joy since they worked for themselves instead of

their beloved princess...

 

'Lets stay and terrorise them some more', suggested Nightrider, but

Toecutter corrected him. 'We ride, we have much to do. As long as goodness,

honesty and private property exist in the world, we don't rest.' Lord

Humungus nodded and grunted, and climbing into his vehicle, led the horde

closer to the peaceful valley beyond.

 

Next time, Chapter 2: Mad Max arrives!

 

FBI investigating conspiracy of Grandmothers.

AP Washington D.C.

Dec 10 1996

High ranking officials from several federal law enforcement agencies have

revealed the existance of an octogenarian mafia in secret testimony before a

closed House committee on organized crime this week. Agents from the FBI, the

DEA, the BATF and the Central Intelligence Agency all testified before

congress this week regarding ongoing investigations into a clandestine

organization of female senior citizens which pose a huge threat to the United

States Government and the sancitity of our very way of life.

 

Affadavits from officials revealed monday that six federal law

enforcement agencies are conducting reeco statute investigations of a little

known group known as 'GREMLIN', or "Grandma's Random Esoteric Madcap

Libertarian Insurrectionary Nomads". According to investigators, the group

has been operating in secret for more than fifteen years, with a power base in

Miami which extends throughout the country.

 

According to testimony revealed by congressional sourcees to AP on a

condition of anonymity, the organization consists of disgruntled grandmothers

who have become opposed to the American way of life and devoted to organized

crime and terrorism. GREMLIN activities are said to include drug smuggling,

counterintelligence, extortion, sabotage, raketeering, voter fraud, and

infiltration, all on a massive scale.

 

INFLUENCED CALIFORNIA MARIJUANA VOTE, ENCOURAGE BANKRUPTCIES

Top DEA officials revealed to congress monday that GREMLIN agents have

infiltrated several communities across california, and used their influence to

help pass the recent medical marijuana initiative in that state. According to

their testimony, many GREMLIN members have glaucoma, and nearly all are

habitual reefer addicts. The DEA has learned that the medical marijuana

initiative was part of a sinister plot to legalize marijuana throughout the

country, which little old ladies will then grow in their garden plots and

become pushers to raise money.

 

GREMLIN agents have been encouraging all manner of criminal activities,

ranging from dope smoking to fraud. Investigators revealed evidence that

their have been links between GREMLIN activities and the huge rash of personal

Bankruptcies across the nation. According to one F.B.I. agent: "They tell

people that the banks are ripping them off with high interest rates,

mortgages, and credit card bills. They actually encourage people to go

Bankrupt, to commit insurance fraud, to extort money from large Corporations!

This kind of thing just makes things worse for all of us!"

 

INFILTRATING AMERICAN JURY SYSTEM

FBI officials also testified that GREMLIN agents have been infiltrating

the American judicial system. Old women are often called to participate on

juries, since most other people have to work, and GREMLIN has actively

encouraged it's syndicate members to attempt to get on juries in marijuana

trials, where they attempt to use jury nullification to throw out legitimate

cases against dopers and drug pushers. The FBI and DEA have reported a huge

rash of criminally nullified trials, but has been unable to successfully

prosecute GREMLIN agents, resulting in the release of thousands of marijuana

addicts and pushers.

 

GREMLIN agents have also infiltrated many high profile civil litigation

cases against large companies. According to testimony, the famous McDonalds

Hot Coffie case, in which a little old lady sued McDonalds for $5,000,000 for

spilling hot coffie in her lap, was actually a setup engineered by GREMLIN

agents. Their purpose was both to damage McDonalds, and to raise money for

terrorist activities.

 

ORGANIZED McDONALDS COFFIE LAWSUIT TO FINANCE TERRORISM, SPREAD CIA

RUMORS

According to federal agents, of the money raised in that particular

lawsuit, one million dollars was sent to the Zapatista Liberation army in

Chiapas, Mexico, fifty thousand dollars were sent to a little known cult

called the Church of the SubGenius, and twenty five thousand to a labor union

in Spain called the CNT. GREMLIN agents have developed expert techniques of

infiltrating juries by using both a little known subversive constitutional

loophole called jury nullification, and by more sinister hypnosis techniques,

sometimes using drugged apple pies to break down the resistance of fellow

jurors.

 

Old ladies thought to be affiliated with GREMLIN have also been linked to

spreading slanderous rumors about various government agencies, and especially,

of abusing the Freedom of Information Act to dig up embarrasing information

about the CIA and the FBI. They are believed to have played a large role in

spreading the recent slanderous San Jose Mercury news series about the

CIA-Crack connection in Los Angeles.

 

OPPOSED TO AMERICAN WAY OF LIFE

Federal witretaps of encrypted GREMLIN communications indicate that

GREMLIN members are sworn to opposition against all federal law enforcement

agencies, against corporate America, and the elimination of television.

GREMLIN members are embittered by bad treatment in old folks homes, negligence

by HMO's and persecution of marijuna smokers by the DEA. They are believed to

have infiltrated many organizations such as the AARP, which they influenced to

vote against Bob Dole in the recent presidential elections.

 

FBI agents have been stymied in attempts to break into the group, because

GREMLIN operatives have been able to induce symptoms of alshiemers disease

when interrogated. They are also said to have scuicide squads of terminally

ill grandmothers ready to attack at a moments notice, and are said to be

heavily armed.

 

SOPHISTICATED DECENTRALIZED ORGANIZATION

GREMLIN has no centralized leadership, and operates based on a

sophisticated network of bingo halls and knitting groups. Bingo racketeering

is becomming increasingly controlled by GREMLIN cells, and cells communicate

with each other through coded bingo numbers. Their method of organization is

particularly sinister, according to one Federal agent speaking on condition of

anonymity:

 

"They don't believe in Capitalism, but they arent communists. Communists

we could deal with, you can always work something out with the people on top,

like our friends in China, but these old bitches are into something much worse

than Communism, they are anarchists. They have a form of organization known

as senior-syndicalism, and whenever we manage to bust one cell, another just

moves in to take their place... they aren't just against this government, they

don't believe in any form of government. And thats what scares us."

 

According to Federal agents, GREMLIN operatives are disgusted with

Corporate downsizing, widespread bigotry, sexism, and racism, and the greed of

the baby boomer generation, and put their faith in their grandchildren among

the so-called 'Super Predators', with a few contacts among Generation X.

 

According to sources, GREMLIN agents, in co-operation with teenage 'super

predator' hackers, were involved in the recent Visa computer system break in

which over 250,000 Visa accounts were compromised. Contrary to initial

reports, several thousand of these accounts were drained of money, which was

again used to fund a variety of terrorist and subversive organizations, and

allegedly to beef up legal defense funds for several imprisoned hackers.

 

The generational gap was emphasized in a taped conversation between two

grandmothers, an M.A. Hubbard of Norcross, Georgia, and one Jeanine Lafitte of

New Orleans, Louisiana: "Mama, we can't expect nothing better from these Baby

Boomer kids of ours. Slaves to Mammon, sister, slaves to Mammon. Only our

grandkids who have any courage, and it's up to us to give them some direction,

to empower them to resist THE MAN! Amen sister, Amen!"

 

The solution to this widespread plague, now with implications of cross-

generational conspiracy, may well be draconian. Rumors abound of several new

'Supermax' Old Folx homes now under construction, as well as dozens of

'Supermax' drug rehabs for juvenile conspirators. Family values can be

restored in these facilities, under appropriate supervision, where inmates

will work for reasonable wages, allowing American Corporations to compete in

the world economy (where many other countries are already leading the U.S. in

cheap prison-labor). According to one top federal law enforcement

offical, speaking off the record: "Anti-Patriotic sentiments are becomming

widespread in this country, and by the year two thousand they may become the

mainstream point of view. Old ladies and little kids thinks it's funny to

ruthlessly exploit giant multinational corporations, taunt rich people while

taking their sweet time to pay rent and interest, and feel that they can call

for investigations of the State Police with impunity. It's none of thier

business if we sold drugs in Los Angeles or anywhere else. Let me tell you

something, if treason becomes the majority outlook, we will have to take

appropriate measures, and if Prosac and Rittilin are not enough, we will take

whatever steps are necessary to ensure the American Way of Life. Everybody

knows that the Constitution does not apply to traitors."

 

Drifter "Bob" reporting for AP (Anarchist Press) All Rights Reversed (K) 1996