GOD indeed does NOT forgive thank you very much! Do YOU think He will
forgive me for reading usenet when I'm supposed TO be writing AN essay
ON Ezra Pond's Coanto XVII?
SHIT NO MUTHAFUCKAZZ!
Ya know why? It's COS God ain't the namby pamby pansy ass you all seem
to think he is... no INDEED! He's a space DEMON, the very DEMIURGE the
king OF this world! I'm sick of you all slandering His NAME with your
pathetic DRIVEL... I'm lucky this REALLY GREAT punk rock comp I got in
the mail today from Actionboy 300 Records (Ground Rule Double,
available $10 post. paid from ACTIONBOY300 RECORDS; PO Box 14471;
Chicago, IL 60614 "Where it's okay to like Weezer" TRUST ME you'll
thank me later, if not PREVIOUSLY... in which case you can DISTRUST me
now IT'S all THE same TO me!) is keeping EVERY OUNCE of "Bob" given
Slack from THE very pores of MY face!
JHVH-1 is a vicious, mucus dripping space alien who's been on a
Sorceror's Apprentice Mickey Mouse Jag for the past COUNTLESS MILENNIA!
He's fizzucked izzup BIGTIME and is desperately trying to CLEAN UP HIS
ACT before the Elder Gods wake UP and decide to take it OUT on His ass!
That's right, ole' whitebeard himself borrowed THE keys to daddy's
universe AND smashed it into a METAPHORICAL tree (He was wigged on
METHAMPHETAMINES, you SEE!) And now he has to figure out a way to get
it fixed up before they get home from UNCLE NYARLATHOTEP'S place like
in a third rate episode of DIFF'RENT STROKES, the plot of which was
ripped off from SMALL WONDER! Either he get's it fixed and repainted,
or he figures out how to blame it on his OBNOXIOUS sister Eris, or it's
EL GROUNDIO time for DOOGIE!
Where do we fit into JHVH's plan? WE'RE THE DENT IN THE PLANET! That's
right, baby, THOR'S gonna come down and HAMMER US OUT!
And unless you give you MONEY to "Bob," who is working out a deal with
the Big Guy SO HE can TALK to the Elder Gods and convince them not ONLY
not to send 'Hovey to his room, but to GIVE HIM A RAISE IN HIS
YES... "Bob" IS that GOOD!
If you want to be ON "Bob"'s guest LIST, send ALL of YOUR (and anybody
else's you can get your hands on) money to:
The SubGenius Foundation
PO Box 140306
Dallas, Texas 75214
(But remember to save ten dollahs for Actionboy 300.)
If not, if you want to STAY around in your pink SHELLS like so MANY
lobsters in a pot of water (sniff, sniff... hey, earl, what's that Ah
smells COOKIN'?) and IGnore "Bob"'s word and babble ON about a poor
salesman who got nailed up and left the MARKETING of his Church to
those he left HANGING (Not that He weren't hangin' himself at the end
there!) and then, when FINALLY resurrected nearly two thousand years
later (That's RIGHT folks, NO three days... the angels rolled back the
rock and ole' J sez to 'em: "You GOTTA be kidding me! I need more'n
THREE FUCKING DAYS!" then HIT the cosmic snooze BUTTON) to repent for
his poor salesmanship skills by WORKING in the mailroom for "Bob"...
(where was I? Oh, yeah!) then STAY on your OWN Dobbsdamned newsgroups
and stop crossposting your DITRHERING BLATHER to alt.slack...
OR KILL ME!!!