FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
The SubGenius Foundation announces an astounding breakthrough in Guerrilla
J.R. "Bob" Dobbs 1-888-669-2323
Chief Marketing Officer (214) 324-0993 (FAX)
The SubGenius Foundation email@example.com
P.O. Box 140306 http://www.subgenius.com
Dallas, TX 75214 http://sunsite.unc.edu/subgenius/
Dallas, Texas-- The SubGenius Foundation is announcing to the public the
dawn of a new era in product advertising that promises to turn the moldy
and half-dead corporate ad agencies on their ears, with YOU, our customers,
snatching all the money that falls out of those deep but far too
conservative pockets! For too long your products, your company life-blood,
have depended on traditional methods of product placement that range from
the tired old media spots, which the public has long learned to ignore, to
the downright embarassing arena of staged media events where even the
sponsors are jaded. The truth is this: No one is seeing your product
anymore! Your message is lost in a sea of media hype and consumer apathy
while the traditional advertising agencies can only churn out the same old
spots in the same old media.
The SubGenius Foundation can help.
We WILL get your product placed where no one has dared go before, yet is
easily the most visible venue you could possibly hope for. We promise and
can deliver a worldwide captive audience that cannot look away and will
result in YOUR product being on the lips of every consumer who listens to
radio, watches TV, reads a paper, or gossips at the office. We'll get your
product placed center stage where everyone HAS to watch: Sensational random
and senseless acts of violence and destruction. Just ask the first
satisfied customer of The SubGenius Foundation: Nike footware and the
Heaven's Gate account.
Shocked? The fact that you understand EXACTLY what we mean demonstrates the
power of our techniques. When the world's eye was glued to the sketchy
reporting of events unfolding in the Heaven's Gate cult "temple", what
product was in their view? When photo after photo of shroud-draped bodies
was plastered on TV, magazines, and newspapers, what company logo was
prominently displayed? All over the world, in papers, on TV, on Usenet, the
word was: "They were wearing Nikes!" THAT is what the public remembers. Not
their dogma, not their names, not their faces, but the SHOES ON THEIR FEET!
We at the SubGenius Foundation brought Nike that fame, and we can bring it
to YOUR products as well.
How can we do this? By knowing the right people and by not being afraid to
talk the bottom line. The originator of this gonzo marketing technique and
mastermind behind the SubGenius Foundation, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, has this to
say: "When disaster strikes, Everyone watches. News crews go live and the
commercials get dumped. Special supplements are printed without an ad to be
seen. Meanwhile, some punk with a rifle is getting all the attention.
But...what if that punk was wearing a ratty old Tee shirt...with YOUR LOGO
on it! Hell, you couldn't keep stock in a warehouse if you wanted to after
And he's right. When two gunmen in California went on an bank robbing
automatic weapon shooting spree, it was televised live. Scenes of their
rampage and grisly deaths at the hands of lawmen were replayed for days
afterwards all over the world. If you had paid money to advertise your
products that day what kind of return did you get? How many potential
customers even remembered your new jingle? NONE. However, if your corporate
logo had been emblazoned on the front of their combat armor, you'd be sold
out of stock right now. Those are the facts. And the SubGenius Foundation
can bring that kind of recognition to YOU.
How can that possibly work? Simple. WE know the underworld. WE have the
contacts. When terrorists are going to strike, WE'LL know it first. When
Joe Public is about to snap and go on a shooting spree, WE'LL get to him
first. When political or religious nutcases decide to kill themselves or
their enemies, The SubGenius Foundation will make sure that they are
wearing YOUR logo, drinking YOUR soda, and driving YOUR cars. When you open
an account with us, we're on the lookout for destruction and will make the
deal to push your product onto the imminent center stage. When your account
goes active, we won't have to tell you. Your phone lines will be jammed
with media attention and orders for product.
So call us now! Get into this high stakes and high return adrenalin rush
while you can! As J.R. "Bob" Dobbs says, "The millenium is nigh upon us.
Violence is the order of the day and king of the media. The Apocalypse WILL
be televised, and its ratings will be unbeatable. Where will YOUR product
Andy Testa (KoX) - SP4
Christ's Dog died for
your dog's sins