FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

The SubGenius Foundation announces an astounding breakthrough in Guerrilla

Marketing!

CONTACT:

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs 1-888-669-2323

Chief Marketing Officer (214) 324-0993 (FAX)

The SubGenius Foundation slack@metronet.com

P.O. Box 140306 http://www.subgenius.com

Dallas, TX 75214 http://sunsite.unc.edu/subgenius/

 

Dallas, Texas-- The SubGenius Foundation is announcing to the public the

dawn of a new era in product advertising that promises to turn the moldy

and half-dead corporate ad agencies on their ears, with YOU, our customers,

snatching all the money that falls out of those deep but far too

conservative pockets! For too long your products, your company life-blood,

have depended on traditional methods of product placement that range from

the tired old media spots, which the public has long learned to ignore, to

the downright embarassing arena of staged media events where even the

sponsors are jaded. The truth is this: No one is seeing your product

anymore! Your message is lost in a sea of media hype and consumer apathy

while the traditional advertising agencies can only churn out the same old

spots in the same old media.

 

The SubGenius Foundation can help.

 

We WILL get your product placed where no one has dared go before, yet is

easily the most visible venue you could possibly hope for. We promise and

can deliver a worldwide captive audience that cannot look away and will

result in YOUR product being on the lips of every consumer who listens to

radio, watches TV, reads a paper, or gossips at the office. We'll get your

product placed center stage where everyone HAS to watch: Sensational random

and senseless acts of violence and destruction. Just ask the first

satisfied customer of The SubGenius Foundation: Nike footware and the

Heaven's Gate account.

 

Shocked? The fact that you understand EXACTLY what we mean demonstrates the

power of our techniques. When the world's eye was glued to the sketchy

reporting of events unfolding in the Heaven's Gate cult "temple", what

product was in their view? When photo after photo of shroud-draped bodies

was plastered on TV, magazines, and newspapers, what company logo was

prominently displayed? All over the world, in papers, on TV, on Usenet, the

word was: "They were wearing Nikes!" THAT is what the public remembers. Not

their dogma, not their names, not their faces, but the SHOES ON THEIR FEET!

We at the SubGenius Foundation brought Nike that fame, and we can bring it

to YOUR products as well.

 

How can we do this? By knowing the right people and by not being afraid to

talk the bottom line. The originator of this gonzo marketing technique and

mastermind behind the SubGenius Foundation, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, has this to

say: "When disaster strikes, Everyone watches. News crews go live and the

commercials get dumped. Special supplements are printed without an ad to be

seen. Meanwhile, some punk with a rifle is getting all the attention.

But...what if that punk was wearing a ratty old Tee shirt...with YOUR LOGO

on it! Hell, you couldn't keep stock in a warehouse if you wanted to after

that!"

 

And he's right. When two gunmen in California went on an bank robbing

automatic weapon shooting spree, it was televised live. Scenes of their

rampage and grisly deaths at the hands of lawmen were replayed for days

afterwards all over the world. If you had paid money to advertise your

products that day what kind of return did you get? How many potential

customers even remembered your new jingle? NONE. However, if your corporate

logo had been emblazoned on the front of their combat armor, you'd be sold

out of stock right now. Those are the facts. And the SubGenius Foundation

can bring that kind of recognition to YOU.

 

How can that possibly work? Simple. WE know the underworld. WE have the

contacts. When terrorists are going to strike, WE'LL know it first. When

Joe Public is about to snap and go on a shooting spree, WE'LL get to him

first. When political or religious nutcases decide to kill themselves or

their enemies, The SubGenius Foundation will make sure that they are

wearing YOUR logo, drinking YOUR soda, and driving YOUR cars. When you open

an account with us, we're on the lookout for destruction and will make the

deal to push your product onto the imminent center stage. When your account

goes active, we won't have to tell you. Your phone lines will be jammed

with media attention and orders for product.

 

So call us now! Get into this high stakes and high return adrenalin rush

while you can! As J.R. "Bob" Dobbs says, "The millenium is nigh upon us.

Violence is the order of the day and king of the media. The Apocalypse WILL

be televised, and its ratings will be unbeatable. Where will YOUR product

be seen?"

--

Andy Testa (KoX) - SP4

Christ's Dog died for

atesta@concom.com

your dog's sins