Subject: Cuteness and Bob (Sermon #26,938)
Date: Sun, 14 Jul 1996 06:02:31 GMT
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Pope Phrederick Q. Armageddon)
Brothers and Sisters:
I know what you're thinkin':
"CUTE? Bob? Impossible!"
True, for many a year, the Father Church has taken steps to
insure that the word O' Bob has nothing to do with simpering, fluffy
cuteness. It is true also that many a SubGenii would sooner cook a
fluffy bunny than look at it. However, I think it is high time that we
take a step back and look at cuteness, hold back the bile for just a
second and gleen what Slack we can from it; not only for our own self
deprovement but for the greater glory of the Dobbs.
Oh, I know it is difficult, my friends; to look CUTE in it's
oversized, round eyes, but look we must! But before you run, shrieking
in terror from the Disneyesque monstrosity that is CUTE, heed the
example of Bob:
Picture if you will, the perfect day: blue skies with white
fluffy clouds scattered here and there. You are standing on a street
in Suburbia. Kids are playing stickball in the middle of the street
without fear of oncoming traffic, the sound of their cheers and
laughter mingle with the chirpping of birds nesting the trees that dot
the street, set into perfectly manicured lawns.
Look! There's Bob, striding down the sidewalk with a carelessly
purposeful gait. He puffs at the ever-present pipe, sending smoke high
into the air to mingle with the scattering of clouds in the azure sky.
One of the kids playing stickball stops what he's doing, rushes over
to Bob crying: "DAD!". The boy leaps up to Bob and gives him a tight
hug around the waist. Bob smiles (duh!), tousles the boy's auburn hair
and asks hime how he did in school today. The boy stammers a bit and
begins to mumble about his Pink teacher...
"Now, now Junior," says Bob, "you know that's not an excuse for
not doing your homework. Even though your teacher will be a wisp of
atomic particles in two years, you musn't forget the three R's."
"Rantin' , Ravin' and Ruling With an Iron Fist to POUND THOSE
MEWLING PINKS INTO THE DUST!!!", the boy replies, cheerfully.
"Heh. heh. That's my boy!" says Bob as they both head toward the
house. If you listen closely you can almost hear the laugh track that
Bob keeps around for occasions such as these.....
See? CUTE! If Bob can do it, so can we! Remember, if we are to
face the might of the Con, we must use their weapons. For every Olson
Twin they throw our way, we must strike back with a score of Luvabunch
Kids (tm) (c)! If they can make a twisted freak of nature like
Quasimodo into a Bob-Damned PLUSH TOY, surely we can out-do them with
the Auschwitz Action Playset (with REAL Zyklon-B!)
In short, be cute brothers and sisters. KILL THEM with your
Unholy Cuteness. Make those quirky laughs and sappy catchphrases ("Did
'I' do THAT?) bore into their hearts and brains until they beg, nay,
PLEAD UPON BENDED KNEE for the sweet release of the Horror that will
Braise Pee to Dobbs!!!!!!!!
Yet another posting from those WONDERFUL folks at:
***B A B B L E O N E N T E R P R I S E S***
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est. 1971 a.d.