At the appointed hour P-Lil climbed onstage and let loose:


YEEYEEYEEYEE! I am the Yeti Hermes, fucker!! I wear

36-inch heels and I paint my toenails with the Blood

of the Fucking Lamb!!!


I gave Tula her first beauty lesson and I showed Wendy

Carlos how to play my organ!


I put the MOOOOOOAN into "hormone", bitch, don't dare

fuck with me! PeeDog and I took turns on top and I

made him slurp up the mess!


For I am the Sex Goddess Bitch STUD from the 10th

Bardo, just try to keep "up" with me! My meatsword has

its own fleshy scabbard, baybee -- REAL close to home!


I'm man enough to be God, and you know She is a



I fart with CHARM, motherfucker! I burned my

bra and the damn breast forms with it! My knockers

KNOCK LOUDLY, and I got a throbbing member that



Wotan turned into a Prairie Squid to rape me... HIS



I wear lead-lined lingerie under my see-through

kimono! I seined Cthuhlu from the Mariana Trench with



My sex chromosone is XXX! I threw in a couple of Ys

for variety!


I get PMS for laughs, it feels good feeling that

bitchy, it makes my balls itch!


I scoop smegma from my clit hood and feed it to the

Archangels! They can't make a jockstrap big enough,

strong enough, or pretty enough for my Holy Scepter,

you best believe it!


I took the Infra-Red Woman of the SubGenius to bed and

made a MAN out of her! I don't use electrolysis on my

facial hair, I use kerosene and a matchstick, hon!


I had a threesome with the Dobbses... "Connie" suckled

my UPPER half and "Bob" hoovered my LOWER HALF!


WAAAAAHOO!! NheeGhee is my gaff, he tucks in my bulge

with tender loving care!


Talk shows, MY ASS! I'm fucking syndicated! I'm

crazier than Dr. Frankenfurter and funnier than Pat

Riley -- and I taste better than both of them! Even

with mustard!!!


I'm a lewd spectacle of wanton depravity, I AM A

VISION OF MACHO FEMININITY, eunuchs get hard over me!


They mistook me for a virgin in Guadalupe and I rained

manna on them from my nether bits! Drag queens PRAY to

me! They beg me not to kill them!


The feminists banned me for being too ladylike, and

the Men's Movement is afraid I'll make them look like

wimps! I tear planets asunder without chipping a nail!


Who'll stain their skin with my lipstick? Who'll put a

leash on this he-bitch?? I DARE YOU to figure me out!


My genitals are modular, my crotches swap out in a

snap! Hot damn! I am the Yin-Yang made flesh and

knocking at your door, Pink "Boy"!


I say, FUCK hormone pills, I drink raw piss straight

from pregnant mares for my estrogen, and I spit the

dross in the Devil's eye! I am the reason Jesus has

long hair and wears robes, and I sheared His head to

make my panties!


I entered Milton Berle in a wet t-shirt contest and

walked away with the prize money! I did burlesque with

GWAR! We stripped PAST the skin, sugar! AIEEEE!


I stuff tomatoes and peppers past my labia and churn

salsa out my pisshose! When they ask me what's my sex

I scream in their crusty faces, "I AM ALL SEX,



I am the envy of bulldykes, the dick that slaps MY

thighs is a God unto myself, when I masturbate, people

mistake me for Shiva and Kali bumping ugly!


My soprano pierces the ears of DOGS, and my basso

shakes skyscrapers in San Francisco! I get my perfume

from the musk glands of a wolverine, while it's alive

and clawing!


I told P. T. Barnum I'd never be in his freak show,

and he gave me a cool million out of relief!! Treat me

like a lady, or just fucking KILL ME!!!!!


I'll be dancing with Nunu light-years from the earth

when the Conspiracy gets its genderfuck! They'll never

even touch the hem of my skirt! Now move from that

mirror before I rant again!!


<taken from my laptop's notes>


The crowd loved it. Even Jesus, who had resumed managing right after

being crucified, thought I had a good rant, and he invited me to join

him and others at the hottub later. Ah, but that's a bit too Hollywood

for this gal.


I wish I took him up on the offer, because this night was the coldest

yet. I found myself getting up from Saint Pickle's campfire to check on

the Pavilion, just so I can keep moving and work up some warmth. I

helped Bill T. Miller pack up his gear and move it back to his car, and

we got caught up on some of the things going on in our lives. Then I

returned to the campfire and tried to stay awake.