At the appointed hour P-Lil climbed onstage and let loose:
YEEYEEYEEYEE! I am the Yeti Hermes, fucker!! I wear
36-inch heels and I paint my toenails with the Blood
of the Fucking Lamb!!!
I gave Tula her first beauty lesson and I showed Wendy
Carlos how to play my organ!
I put the MOOOOOOAN into "hormone", bitch, don't dare
fuck with me! PeeDog and I took turns on top and I
made him slurp up the mess!
For I am the Sex Goddess Bitch STUD from the 10th
Bardo, just try to keep "up" with me! My meatsword has
its own fleshy scabbard, baybee -- REAL close to home!
I'm man enough to be God, and you know She is a
I fart with CHARM, motherfucker! I burned my
bra and the damn breast forms with it! My knockers
KNOCK LOUDLY, and I got a throbbing member that
Wotan turned into a Prairie Squid to rape me... HIS
I wear lead-lined lingerie under my see-through
kimono! I seined Cthuhlu from the Mariana Trench with
my fishnets -- AND I DIDN'T TAKE THEM OFF FIRST!
My sex chromosone is XXX! I threw in a couple of Ys
I get PMS for laughs, it feels good feeling that
bitchy, it makes my balls itch!
I scoop smegma from my clit hood and feed it to the
Archangels! They can't make a jockstrap big enough,
strong enough, or pretty enough for my Holy Scepter,
you best believe it!
I took the Infra-Red Woman of the SubGenius to bed and
made a MAN out of her! I don't use electrolysis on my
facial hair, I use kerosene and a matchstick, hon!
I had a threesome with the Dobbses... "Connie" suckled
my UPPER half and "Bob" hoovered my LOWER HALF!
WAAAAAHOO!! NheeGhee is my gaff, he tucks in my bulge
with tender loving care!
Talk shows, MY ASS! I'm fucking syndicated! I'm
crazier than Dr. Frankenfurter and funnier than Pat
Riley -- and I taste better than both of them! Even
I'm a lewd spectacle of wanton depravity, I AM A
VISION OF MACHO FEMININITY, eunuchs get hard over me!
They mistook me for a virgin in Guadalupe and I rained
manna on them from my nether bits! Drag queens PRAY to
me! They beg me not to kill them!
The feminists banned me for being too ladylike, and
the Men's Movement is afraid I'll make them look like
wimps! I tear planets asunder without chipping a nail!
Who'll stain their skin with my lipstick? Who'll put a
leash on this he-bitch?? I DARE YOU to figure me out!
My genitals are modular, my crotches swap out in a
snap! Hot damn! I am the Yin-Yang made flesh and
knocking at your door, Pink "Boy"!
I say, FUCK hormone pills, I drink raw piss straight
from pregnant mares for my estrogen, and I spit the
dross in the Devil's eye! I am the reason Jesus has
long hair and wears robes, and I sheared His head to
make my panties!
I entered Milton Berle in a wet t-shirt contest and
walked away with the prize money! I did burlesque with
GWAR! We stripped PAST the skin, sugar! AIEEEE!
I stuff tomatoes and peppers past my labia and churn
salsa out my pisshose! When they ask me what's my sex
I scream in their crusty faces, "I AM ALL SEX,
I am the envy of bulldykes, the dick that slaps MY
thighs is a God unto myself, when I masturbate, people
mistake me for Shiva and Kali bumping ugly!
My soprano pierces the ears of DOGS, and my basso
shakes skyscrapers in San Francisco! I get my perfume
from the musk glands of a wolverine, while it's alive
I told P. T. Barnum I'd never be in his freak show,
and he gave me a cool million out of relief!! Treat me
like a lady, or just fucking KILL ME!!!!!
I'll be dancing with Nunu light-years from the earth
when the Conspiracy gets its genderfuck! They'll never
even touch the hem of my skirt! Now move from that
mirror before I rant again!!
<taken from my laptop's notes>
The crowd loved it. Even Jesus, who had resumed managing right after
being crucified, thought I had a good rant, and he invited me to join
him and others at the hottub later. Ah, but that's a bit too Hollywood
for this gal.
I wish I took him up on the offer, because this night was the coldest
yet. I found myself getting up from Saint Pickle's campfire to check on
the Pavilion, just so I can keep moving and work up some warmth. I
helped Bill T. Miller pack up his gear and move it back to his car, and
we got caught up on some of the things going on in our lives. Then I
returned to the campfire and tried to stay awake.