Interview With Nenslo

From: (Kenneth James DeVries)

Date: 28 Nov 1994


Final Prophetic Interview Proves NENSLO Right All Along


Shortly before his death at the hands of disgruntled ex-coreligionists

assassinated Nenmaster NENSLO, far-famed Controlmaster X of Master Control on

Earth, was interviewed by a flaky busybody who accidentally asked questions

the answers to which are the most obvious proof anyone could ask for that

NENSLO was right about everything. Many of the prophecies made by the

Controlmaster in this last interview are even now coming to pass as these very

words are being written. If that's not worth a dollar we don't know what is.


Here follow excerpts from that fateful interview.

Q: Something that's getting a lot of attention from such alternative

authorities as, um, Rev. Ivan Stang and Robert Anton Wilson, is Virtual

Reality. Do you feel, as they do, that this is the "next big thing?"

N: Oh yeah, that's where you strap a couple of little Teevees on your head

and put on a computerized glove so you can pick up green teapots that aren't

there. Listen, bud, the day I need to be hooked up to a damn MACHINE to

live in a phony dreamworld is the day to put me in a glass box in

whatchacallit... Times Square in Leningrad next to Vlad the Impaler. Look,

just because a guy writes a couple books that get popular with people too far

out of it to even be Sci-Fi fans doesn't mean he ought to be doing your

thinking for ya. Don't get me wrong, Stang and Williams are great guys, I

stole a lot of ideas from one of them, but they're probably more fouled up

than even your average nut or they wouldn't be doing what they do, right? And

I just pity anybody who's gotta buy a fantasy from somebody else or get it from

a computer. How pitiful can you get, you can't even dream your own dreams for

god sake?


Q: I guess... umm... some of your followers have claimed that you are simply

never wrong about anything. Could you demonstrate that, or refute that or

something? Do you have a comment on that anyway?


N: Yeah, I do. Those people are idiots. Anybody who thinks so little of

themselves, anybody who thinks so little, that they have find their identity

as a follower of somebody who DOES think, well they are what we call the

"useful idiots." As long as they keep paying the rent we'll keep handing them

platitudes like you'd hold out an empty fist to a dog just to laugh at how it's

so dumb it thinks you got a treat for it in there, even though you just showed

it you didn't have anything about eight times.


Q: So you're not really a prophet?


N: Oh sure! Sure I'm a prophet, you want some prophecies? What do you want,

winners at the dog track, stocks to buy, sorry my ethics don't permit me to

let others profit by my great powers. Non-profit prophecies only.


Q: Well, we are going through troublesome times these days, with the war

and all...


N: Oh, world events, yeah, I can do that! Sure, things used to be perfect,

right, and now all of a sudden they're getting real bad so it's like the end

of the world. Okay, listen; Lots of things are going to happen... some people

will, uh, kill other people who aren't like them. Lots of people will die.

There'll be some storms and volcanoes and landslides and things. It'll look

like things are clearing up for a while but then they'll get even worse than

they were. There'll be new machines that do things we don't even have names

for now. Some people will be really rich while people are starving all around

them. Lots of interesting diseases... weird rumors about aliens and things...

new religions... number three to win in the second at Wonderland..

Oh! No, sorry, that was just a slip... JOKE I mean, just a joke... heh,



Q: Recently there have been some, uh, references to you as being racist,

sexist, antisemitic, etc. What do you have to say to that?


N: Well, sure! I mean naturally some people are going to say that because

not only do I refuse to join their club, I refuse to condone their club.

First of all I am, by accident of birth, male and of northern European ancestry

and non-homosexual by choice. Second, I am not ashamed of any of those

aspects of my nature like I'm supposed to be, and third, I do not support any

group or sect which factionalizes humanity into warring subcults of skin color,

genital type or personal tastes! So I am automatically racist, sexist,

homophobic or whatever the latest word is we use to prove somebody isn't "one

of us." I am rabidly, maniacally Pro-NENSLO, and teach that life, food and

sex are sacred and not to be thrown away frivolously. But if anyone goes out

and does something just because I say it, if it isn't truly an act of

conscience, they're just being stupid, because I am obviously completely

insane. My philosophy isn't "us against them," it's "ME against THE



Q: You say you are non-homosexual by choice?


N: Yes, I know the current dogma is that we are either born gay or born

straight and everybody's exactly the same in that respect no matter what.

Since a Nenmaster must by nature do everything wrong, I did that wrong too.

See, having a totally stunted social interaction in my formative years

permitted me to look to more experienced sources rather than get all my facts

from kids as dumb as I was. I was able to do a lot of research on sex and

drugs and things, and there came a time when I could clearly see that doing

cocaine or having sex with another guy would set a precedent. There's no such

thing as "just one time," there's only "the first time." I decided that

certain actions could lead to certain ways of life which might confuse

me EVEN WORSE than I already was, so I just didn't do them.


Q: Okay, what about this "send one dollar" thing then?


N: That's always a hard one for people. I stole that from another cult,

because it just made sense. Getting money in the mail is great. But you

probably want the official justification under Master Control, right? Okay,

people don't really value something they don't pay for. You give them

something free they'll just throw it away. You make them climb a mountain and

give them a plastic trinket at the top, they'll save it to show their

grandchildren. See, the current Anti-Life Mechanistic culture in

force at this point in history tells us we do want something for nothing, and

if we have never really thought about what it is that we want, that sounds

really great. Just like whole "USA Beer Culture" of guys with cute buns, gals

with big boobs, dune buggies and CD players sounds great when you're drunk in

front of the TV trying to forget how much you hate your job. You are told you

want it, and you don't know that you don't so you start thinking you do! But

those are false wants overlaying your real wants, which are simply

self-respect and the respect and appreciation of others, courtesy, kindness

and fairplay! It's constant frustration in achieving those real wants that

makes people into monsters.


Q: But the dollar...


N: I'm gettin' there, just relax! So okay, the dollar. Um... okay. So the

first thing someone says when you offer them something is "how much do I have

to pay," and if you tell them it's free they want to know what's wrong

with it. People would rather pay, and get a bargain, or even get ripped

off, than get stuck with something crappy for nothing. And... it's like a

test, see? I just got a letter from some goof that gave cheapskate rap number

forty-three; (in a whiney voice) How do I know if I send you a dollar that

what I get will be worth a dollar and why don't you send it to me first and if

I like it I'll send you a dollar then. See? They don't want a miracle, they

are too scared they'll get cheated out of a worthless buck to take a chance!

They lose out entirely, and if they ever do send a dollar we'll just send

it right back because they won't understand what we're doing here anyway!


Q: What are you doing here? What is your objective for all of this?


N: Fair question. On a grand scale we simply want to save the world, so

obviously we're just letting ourselves in for a lot of disappointment and

we're doomed to failure since we didn't pick some cheap-ass two-bit goal like

collecting all the Garbage Pail Kids cards. But for the nineties, and we here

at Master Control Programming are really into the nineties, we think they are

awesome as hell, I say for the nineties we are trying to set up a major

multimillion dollar sex scandal. I mean one that will really make lurid

scare-heads on every paper in the civilized world.


Q: Uhh... okay, you had an essay published in "Brimstone," a Satanist

publication. Are you a Satanist?


N: I guess you caould call me a Satanist, about the same way you could call a

Zoroastrian a Zen Buddhist. There's a few thousand years and half a dozen

culture changes between the two. I have nothing but respect for sincere

members of any nut cult, whether it makes sense or not, as long as it is

oriented toward genuine development of potential in the individual to its

maximum limit. Master Control is the alien brain implant that made Gautama

into a Buddha, it's the transdimensional puppetmaster that put the words in

Krishna's mouth. These things happen all the time and we give them the names

we like best, according to our culture. If you like devils you call things

devil names; if you like Jesus, well, you probably kill people who don't give

things Jesus names.


Q: Then are you a Satanist or not?


N: What do you want me to be? I'm that, okay? You want to be interviewing a

devil-worshiping hippie drug-slay cult leader, okay, I can do that! You want

an irrational nutcase, a dangerous psychotic, a patent phony, put it on paper

and that's what I'll be to whoever reads this. Now we are getting to the

heart of Master Control! This is The Way I am sent to teach! A rose is a

delicately scented harbinger of summer days' delights or a livid wrinkled

noisome plant genital, depending on what you think it is! Life is heaven or

hell depending on what you want it to be! Nobody lives in a constant torment

of fear and oppression in this world, regardless of their circumstances,

without making the choice to maintain the world as they see it! You can be a

miserable millionaire or happy on death row if that's how you want it, but

whatever your life is it is what you make it, and it doesn't make a damn bit

of difference to anyone else! You people are all shadows to me, I don't know

for sure if you're real or if I'm still locked up somewhere, comatose and

reveling in a pure fantasy world! It sure seems fantastic since I'm getting

virtually everything I ever wanted handed to me on a silver platter, for free!

That's not how it's supposed to happen, to hear everybody else tell it, but I

hardly have time to dream any more before before they come true, because

that's the way I want it! See?


Postscript: We here at Master Control World Headquarters in Beautiful

Portland Oregon would like to thank Donna Kossy over at the Kooks Museum

for posting previous Nenslo files while we were getting the Atomic Brain



And, rather than wasting our valuable time with a cutesy-pie

response giving some sort of "witty" reason why you can't or won't send

ONE DOLLAR to Box 86582 Portland OR 97206, maybe you ought to just gnaw

your wrist veins open and give the whole world a break.