Subject: Frozen Delight

From: (Rev. Random the Other)

Date: 1997/06/14

Message-Id: <>

Newsgroups: alt.slack


"Bob" dropped Connie off at the grocery store. "It's such a nice day,

I'll just wait outside for you."


A bus limped in to the lot, and thirty-six young girls from the

Christian Acadeny got out to stretch while the driver phoned the

Academy to inform them of the flat tire. Help was on the way.


"Bob" smiled.


"Hi, fellow Xians," said "Bob". "Now, don't misunderstand...I know

what kind of girls get sent to Xian Academy: The FUN Kind. I know as

well as you that they don't let you have treats very often, or teach

you anything that will be useful when you escape. But you all seem to

have some free time here. I'll tell you what, let me teach you a

technique that Connie showed me, one that you can use at school AND teach

to future loved ones. It's called "The Frozen Delight."


Before you know it, "Bob" directed those girls to the line of shopping

carts, and with each girl piloting a cart he sent them into the



"Hi, I'm from the Christian Academy and we're collecting old cola

bottles to raise money..." said each of the uniformed beauties.


Ten minutes later, they were back in the lot. Each household just

happened to have two cases of empties that they were glad to donate.

Several had expressed suprise that they were able to help, as they

NEVER touched cola usually, but just that week a birthday party,

campout, or get-together was held and they just happened to have the



The empties were Redeemed, and "Bob" sent one of the girls into the

store to buy the ice cream. Six boxes. And the "lesson" began.



The driver of the bus looked up as the first girl boarded. He noticed

her glassy eyes and her smile. The oder of...of...vanilla? Several more

came in smiling and exhausted to sit quietly, some falling directly to

sleep. When the bus was half full, the soft moaning and snoring and

quiet contentedness was unlike anything he had ever seen on a field

trip bus. He asked the next girl what was going on.


"Ohhhh, he's soooo... Ohhh, it was just...Ohhh," was her reply as she

barely made it into a seat before falling into deep sleep.


Some minutes later, "Bob" was instructing the last girl. "That's

right, get that tongue nice and cold. MMMMMMNNN, Good! Good! Good!

Now, I'll do you," as his head disappeared into the ice cream box.

The girl received her Frozen Delight.


As he finished, he saw the Sheriff's car pull into the lot and up

to the bus. "Better go back, and take the rest of this ice cream t

to share between you," "Bob" said, but the girl was so dazed and

introspective that she stumbled off without the leftovers.


Connie approached the waiting car, vaguely aware of the conversation

between the Sheriff and the excited bus driver while she loaded the

groceries. As "Bob" drove off, she handed him the receipt.


"Bob" emptied his pocket into her outstretched hand.

Exactly the full amount.



Rev. Random the Other

Gription Clench

"we all scream for ice cream...."